Among the thugs

I'm really busy at work today, so I thought I'd recycle something that I wrote for Natalie's blog a while back and that she didn't publish (I think due to formatting problems, certainly not because it's not funny). This is quite topical because D.P. is flying to London today and is going to a soccer game with Arsenal vs. Tottenham. During my brief jaunt in London this summer I saw many unpleasant soccer thugs that were emblazoned with the St. George cross. They were gross and brutish and one of them slapped me in a pub, as I'm sure I've told most of those reading this blog. Without further ado, here is a collection of some British soccer chants:

There are only a few basic themes:

Religious-

The (wanky) Tottenham Hotspur went to Rome...
The (wanky) Tottenham Hotspur went to Rome to see the pope,
The (wanky) Tottenham Hotspur went to Rome to see the pope,
The (wanky) Tottenham Hotspur went to Rome to see the pope,
and this is what he said - "FUCK OFF

Away in the manger...
Away in a manger,no crib for a bed,
the little Lord Jesusstood up and he said...
WE HATE TOTTENHAM,
AND WE HATE TOTTENHAM...

There were a lot of variations on this “magic hat” theme, I like to think of it as a wizard’s hat

Bergkamp's fuckin magic
He wears a magic hat
And when he saw the Arsenal
He said I fancy that
He didn't sign for Villa
Or Chelsea cause they're shite
He signed for the Arsenal
Cause they're fuckin dynamite.

You're shit, and your ground's a dump,
You're shit, and your ground's a dump,
You're shit, and your ground's a dump,
You're shit, and you got no silverwear.
OOOOH, SNAP!

I don’t get the foreskin thing, but it’s also a common theme:

We'll be walking round Highbury
With our willies hanging out
Singing I've got one more foreskin than you...
Singing I've got one more foreskin than you...
Singing I've got one more foreskinI've got one more foreskin
Singing I've got one more foreskin than you...

My one skin goes over my two skin
My two skin goes over my three.
My three skin goes over my foreskin.
Oh bring back my fore skin to me!
Bring back! Bring back!
Oh bring back my fore skin to me!(To Tottenham)

There’s no better way to show support for your team:
Get your tits out, get your tits out,
Get your tits out for the lads!
Get your tits out for the lads!

Shit on the city!!
Shit on the city tonight!
OHH AHH AHH!!
Shit on - the city.
Shit on the city tonight.
We'll say shit on the city!
Tonight lads COME ON!!


Many of the chants are personal insults against individual soccer players. I enjoyed this one cuz thanks to posh spice, I actually know who David Beckham is:

Theres only one David Beckham
One David Beckham,With a packet of sweets
And a cheeky smile
Beckham is a fucking pedophile!
Theres only one... David Beckham

Your Not Very Good
Your Not Very Good
Your not very
Your not very
Your Not Very Good

Again, with the hat insults! There is a variation on this chant for almost every team:
Ronnie Moore's a wanker
he wears a wankers hat,
and when he wears it back to front,
he looks a fuckin twat.

Is this good or bad?
You've got sweetcorn on your knob,
You got sweetcorn on your knob,
You got sweetcorn on your knob,
You got sweetcorn on your knob!


Who's ate all the pies?,
Who's ate all the pies?,
You fat bastard, you fat bastard ,
You've ate all the pies!.

Who can rob yer houses?(echo)
Violate your gran?(echo)
Sell cocaine from an ice cream van?
A scouse cunt can(echo)

This is my favorite. Are disco pants like party pants? If this is because this guy is known to wear funny pants then it is an ace insult:
Nial Quinns disco pants are the best
they go up from his waist past his chest
Nial Quinns disco pants are the best
Nial QuinnsDisco pants

A local variation on a popular American song:
Who let the Goat out?Who?Who?Who?

Geofreys van is full of clit.
Geofreys van is!
Geofreys van is
Geofreys van is full of clit
Is it? Is it really?

I assume this is sung to the tune of “Daydream Believer”:
Snort up Paul Merson
Oh what can it mean
To a cocaine dealer
In a shit football team