Dear Hipster Chick at Simons last night,
Please modulate the volume of your ear-shattering screams. You are yelping so loud that you didn't even hear me when I yelled at you to shut up. I know it is really cool and "old school" that you are playing dice with your friends. I know you think that all eyes are on you, which they are, because you won't shut the fuck up.
Sincerely,
heckasac
P.S.-When you and your girlfriend bumped chests to celebrate some hot roll of the dice, you looked extra retarded.
On monday, you can expect some gossip about the wedding of the century that is occurring this weekend in Merced. Who will have the wedding hook-up? Will there be an orgy tent, as rumored (by me). Will the bride and groom finally call this pathetic charade off? We all know that she's in it for the money and that he's getting married so that people will believe that he's straight.
Also, I am going to try to interview Pauly Shore tonight. Keep your fingers crossed.
And, coming soon (hopefully) an interview with Anna.
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