HELLO ADULTHOOD!

As I get older, I feel an increasing amount of guilt about the fact that I still basically live like a kid. I mean, sure, "responsible job blah, blah.." but still - going to shows, wanton travelling, playing in bands, drinking absurd amounts of brew....these are all things I'm still mad for, yet this ever-present idea that these are simply not adult activities keeps dogging me & making me feel like a fuck-up. I figure I can do one of two things about this. It's either: clean my act up & start acting like a responsible adult, or: find classier ways to be a fuck-up. I find this second option very appealing & also somewhat of a challenge. Come to think of it, taking on new challenges could actually be considered an adult thing to do. Suddenly I'm batting 1000! The challenge officially started last Sunday when I attended the Hyatt Champagne Brunch. There are not many events that involve getting up early & immediately hitting the champagne while still maintaining your high-class reputation but this is one of them.
First, you have to pay, like, $30 for this honor which immediately separates the men from the boys, or should I say, the classy drunks from the common fuck-ups. This $30 allows you entry in to a maze of sushi, omelettes, prime rib, that disgusting hard boiled egg & shrimp concoction....oh, the list goes on & on. Second, it's in a huge hotel so immediately one feels that worldly flair of the travelling set. "Just grabbing 10 glasses of champagne on my way through town...". And do you know what makes champagne at 10:00 AM even more acceptable? Orange juice! That's right, just a little innocent mimosa. Nothing to see here folks.
So yeah, you sit down, wait until they bring you your water....then your OJ....then your napkin.... then your silverware....then your coffee.....all the while doing your classy best not to yell "where's the champagne already!!?" Oh, here it is. Yes, yes, thank you. After that, it's a crapshoot. The champagne brunch gamble is this: 'do you or do you not have a server who understands why you just paid $30?'. This time, I can happily say that we did. We all agreed that this woman had a very cult-ish vibe, but fortunately she also had a strange, slavish devotion to our table. It was almost as if she were plying us with alcohol so she could kidnap us & lock us in that Scientology building up the street. Either that or they had a bunch of champagne that was just about to go south, because it was flowing like pee from a baby. Sweet bubbly pee. My mimosa constantly looked like it had been made at the Flame Club & Mike C. looked as if someone had spraypainted his face red. To top it off, this 13 year old girl was totally checking me out. If you're wondering how the food was, I'm pretty sure it was good. More importantly, the bloody mary was fantastic. Because, as we all know, champagne hangovers begin approximately 15 minutes after your final sip so a bloody mary is definitely in order for a little hair of the dog. In this case, the hair of a very classy, prize-winning poodle.

I think Becky gets back tomorrow so you won't have ol' Miller to kick around anymore...