A tip to my readers: If you drink a big cup of Peet's coffee at 7:30, you will probably not be able to go to sleep at 11:30, regardless of how much whiskey you have surreptitiously poured into said cup.
I got tricked into going to a noise show at Tonevendor last night because I didn't realize it was a noise show. I thought there was one noise band and then regular bands, but actually there were five noise bands. Or maybe not, I left after the second noise band. The bands were not bad, they were just noise bands and I don't think I will ever like any noise band. Except Maroon 5, but they make noise accessible to the masses. The only amusing part of the night, besides noting the profusion of Robin Hood-style boots on the ladies, were Millers noise band jokes, which I will share with you here:
Q: What did the noise dude say to his therapist?
A: (low grinding noise, followed by brief, high squealing noise)
Q: What did the noise dude say to his girlfriend?
A: Psych! Noise dudes don't have girlfriends!
I am trying to work on a joke about noise dudes all having beards, but it's not coming to me.
I ate at the Plum Blossom at 19th and J during the show because it was the closest place and I have to say it's pretty lame. From the outside, it looks like it would be a casual dining place, where you would just walk up to the counter and order (which is why I wanted to go), but it is actually a sit-down restaurant. It was pretty generic-looking inside and the front wall was dominated by a huge, flat-screen TV tuned to Fox News. Flat screen TVs are the scourge of Sacto restaurants. Why? Why? Why must every restaurant, no matter how upscale, have twenty TVs inside? I walked by Zocalo (which is the closest I'll ever get to eating there, unless it's on a dare) and marvelled at how the owners took so much care and expense in the design and then just slapped a bunch of TVs all around, thereby ruining the ambiance. Because the human eye is naturally drawn to a TV, against my will I kept having to look at Bill O'Reilly while I ate. Oh yeah, that's right, I say "look at" rather than "watch" because the TV was turned on with the sound off but no subtitles. What is the point of that? I couldn't watch it even if I wanted to!!!! Aaaaah!!!
Anyway, I ordered a pork bun. It was not good, but then again, I guess I should know better than to order any pork product that cost seventy-five cents. However the same type of pork bun at Gam Lae Sig was much better. I tried to order a sesame noodle dish, but the waitress said that is no longer on the menu. Since their menus are one photocopied slip of paper, you would think that they could perhaps just make some accurate new menu copies, but maybe the menu is a work in progress. I settled on (lame) fried rice because their menu was pretty boring and typical (you know, General Tso's chicken and all that jazz), but quite a few of the dishes were either 8 or ten bucks and I had just wanted something cheap and quick. The fried rice was just what you would expect. Filling, that's about it. I don't recommend this place.
While I did enjoy some of the bands last night, I noticed that, towards the end of the night, my mind kept wandering from the serious contemplation of a drone to just trying to think up more noise band jokes.
ReplyDeleteWhat did the noise band do for an encore?
They'll tell you when they get one!!
What was the noise bands CD called?
You mean CDR right?!
What did the noise dudes do on their camping trip?
Banged on a buncha trees!!
And of course, the ever reliable
Why did the noise dude cross the road?
KKKKKKREEEEEEEEEEEEEREEESSSSSOOOOSSHHHHH!!
I had more but I forgot them.
So yeah, if you happened to see me start laughing in the middle of a set last night, it's most likely because I thought 'banged on a buncha trees' was hysterical.
In the spirit of the funniest man alive, Jeff Foxworthy:
ReplyDeleteYou know you're in a noise band when....
All the girls in the audience are wearing Robin Hood-style boots and all the dudes have beards
damn...not so funny
q: what's the worst thing about being in a noise band?
ReplyDeletea: trying to grow a beard when you just exited puberty.
DAAAAAMMMMMNNNN! That was harsh. Sorry noise band dudes--that was mean spirited. Wow, am i the only retard that apologizes after telling a joke?
I like the Foxworthy approach to noise jokes!
ReplyDeleteIf people have to ask whether you've started playing or not.....
You might be a noise band!
If you play one extended piece because "less people leave that way"....
You just might be a noise band!
If there are more drumsticks in the guitar strings than in the drummers hands...
Folks, you might be a noise band!
If ten people told you it "sounded great from outside.".....
Well, you might be a noise band!
If you looked up & thought you were in Sherwood Forest until you saw everyone's earplugs...
YOU MIGHT BE A NOISE BAND!!
Thank you very much ladies & gentlemen - you've been a great audience! Now I have a plane to catch!
millerworthy