slamson
Originally uploaded by becklerg.
Because our seats were better, we were seated by a lot of people who looked pretty rich. The little kid next to us would shrilly cry out "defense" every time the Trailblazers had the ball. So she said it approximately twenty trillion times, interspersed with talking to her mom on the cellphone walkie talkie. Awww, kids are so cute. The guys behind us had such choice quotes as "my car has a bumper sticker that says, "I think, therefore I am Republican", and were also heard making fun of the player on the Trailblazers named Ha Seung-Jin by saying it "have some gin". Hilarious.
A bunch more crap happened on the court, the Kings were doing great and then it was halftime. I was disappointed to find that the halftime show was dedicated to the Royal Court Dancers, so there was no Slamson, no trampoline, nothing. Just more of the crappy dancers doing the running man in sparkly shirts. There was half-hearted applause while each dancer was introduced. Republidork yelled "Woo" for one girl and said, "that's my girlfriend". There was some Slamson during the game, and I love the way he struts and points. I contemplated whether it would be funny or sad if my impending mental breakdown took the form of me hugging Slamson and refusing to let go. At least it would make the news.
The game resumed and there was more dribbling, shooting, etc. At one point a grotesque inflatable monstosity known as "Air Slamson" took to the court to entertain the fans. I refuse to believe that Slamson was really inside there. This Slamson had a giant head, kept making awkward freakish motions and pelvic thrusts, and at one point shot foam out if its (I think, I coudn't really see)armpit. Then it's bobble head collapsed into itself. I was repulsed. I can't believe that kids weren't crying all over the arena.
The Kings led the whole game by at least 8 points, so, predictably, with about five minutes left, at least half the arena started to exit. YOU PEOPLE THAT LEAVE EARLY SUCK. You don't deserve your tickets. Have some respect for the players. I know the parking situation is bad, but it's part of attending a game. We left right after the game and it took us about ten minutes to get out of the lot. That's not too bad. This behavior led me to conclude that for a lot of the people there, the main reason they want to attend a game is to wear their Kings gear, eat a King dog and get a fleeting sense of triumph for beating the traffic out of the arena. That leads me to the hottie phenomenon. There are all these women at the games who like to dress in tight, breast revealing clothing and parade up and down the aisles every five minutes. Ladies, are you really this starved for attention? Do you like it when 10 year olds and grandpas look at your chest?
So, that was my game review. Hope all the technical basketball jargon didn't throw you off.
Ok, after I read this over I realized I sound like a hypocrite bitching about the people who aren't really there to watch the game when I just wrote about the half-time show, etc. I just want to clarify-I did watch the game, I just don't know how to write about basketball and individual plays fade from my memory rather quickly.
ReplyDeleteI too was at Arco last night with Anna's sister Alicia, thanks to a last-minute invite for an extra ticket. I totally concur -- people who leave early suck, and I've had the same thought before about people feeling better as they get out of the parking lot first (But in a country where we spend countless hours of our lives waiting at traffic lights or on congested freeways, it's understandable I guess). The game was great, very cool that Kenny Thomas scored the most points. Portland blocked the hell out of many shots (including the one that sent Songaila crashing to the floor, do you think that was a foul??) but also turned over enough times to keep us in the lead. I shelled out 12 bucks for a medium pepsi, hot dog and fries...it was ok, but next time I gotta eat at home first.
ReplyDelete-Erik
1) The foam didn't shoot out of his armpit, it was simulated urination! I told you that last night.
ReplyDelete2) I'm neither a 10 year-old or a grandpa, so I guess it was OK for me to stare at the breast parade.
3) I don't think Songaila was fouled on the play, looked like he just got hung up on the rim...there were a couple earlier that looked like fouls...but Przybilla's performance continues the Kings habit of making mediocre players look like All-Stars...he looked like Ben Wallace instead of guy who averages 5 pts., 5 boards per game.
Becky, now I keep picturing you hugging Slamson and not letting go and then seeing you on the nightly news. It's cracking me up!
ReplyDeleteHeather
Heather,
ReplyDeleteI must concur.
I thought the Songalia thing was a foul, but I have a very fuzzy understanding of this word. Anything that hurts the Kings is a foul in my book. It was fun booing the ref, anyway.
ReplyDeleteDidn't anyone else think that the Air Slamson was grotesque? It was like something straight out of a Hieronymous Bosch painting.
I want to hug Slamson so much. There's nothing like a mascot hug. Does this make me a furry?
ReplyDeleteI have a confession, I totally was hugged by Slampson (and I may have even reciprocated) and I think that E.S. has photo's to prove it. This was when I got my super awesome free seats next to Peja's hot wife, as Slampson doesn't visit the poor in the nose bleed seats, believe me.
ReplyDeleteRM
I agree that the people who leave early suck, but this pre-season, I was at a blowout and Arco was half empty & I realized that was probably my only chance to get a handslap as the Kings ran down the ramp after the game and I wussed out. Now I'll never touch Doug Christie.
ReplyDeleteg-bomb