This morning at Peet's...

A play in one act

I am late. I walk in, closely followed by an Amazonian (and I am no slouch in this department either, so you know she is LARGE-mostly tall) woman on a cell phone (the cell phone talking establishes that she is rude). OK, so if you know Peet's, you know that although there may be multiple registers open, there is only one line and people go to whichever reg opens. This is called setting the scene, folks. Rather than getting behind me, the Amazon stands next to me, which is a breach of line etiquette and immediately makes me nervous.

Amazon: Which line are you in? (still on phone also)
Heckasac: Both lines.
Amazon: (mutters sarcastically) Both lines.
(I stand patiently, both registers still have customers.)
Amazon: So you are in one of these lines, or...
Heckasac: (getting flustered) No, you wait for a register to open up, and then when one does.. (at this point a register opens)
Amazon: (meanly, gesturing, interrupting) Well, there you go
Heckasac: (now I am being rude back and sarcastic) Well, thanks, what are you...(get ready for this zinger, people) the LINE DIRECTOR??!!?
(Peet's erupts into applause)

Seriously, that was the best line I could come up with. Is there even such a thing as a line director? I should have said line Nazi but Nazi is a pretty loaded word. It could have ended in fisticuffs and she would have pounded me. What is up with Peet's lately though, all the workers are stressed to the max and it's a different crew every time. The woman that I've heard people call "waterfall" is wound up tighter than a drum. She is always freaking out. Today she gave me a free coffee card because I had to wait so long, but I wasn't even waiting that long. It's fine. It's just coffee. Jeffrey Steingarten says that the perfect espresso shot should take 25 seconds to brew so I don't expect it instantly.