Wow, the news and review has really stepped things up in the sexy department (which is on the third floor, behind the housewares). To counter, I would like to announce in this forum that the cover of Midtown Monthly next month will feature me, naked as a jaybird, eating the mixed grill from Yummy Guide. There will probably be some pepper gravy covering the critical bits, but wait till you see what I'm doing with the hot dog! R.V. Scheide has really broken new journalistic ground with this piece. To sum up:
1) many of the men who frequent strip clubs are lonely and searching for intimacy
2)he used the word "perineum", shaved perineum, no less, maybe this is a little clinical, but I don't know that hair usually grows there, not that I have one or anything (OK, I do and it's pierced) also, he used "fuck-me pumps" which is a loathesome phrase.
3)lap dances give you boners
Pulitzer prize, here he comes!
I kid, they gotta do something to shake things up, however, I'm as liberal as they come but it makes me cringe just a bit to think of little kids picking this thing up. Just a little.
However, I would like to give props to DB's blurb on the movie Sweetie. Succinct, informative, stylish, as always. Soak that in and then read this one (I have no idea what else this guy writes so I'm just using this to illustrate how difficult it is to give good blurb). Huh? Did he like this album or not? What does it sound like? The Beatles and the Eagles, but not? See, it's hard.
Actually, perineum can be used to designate the area between the anus and the vagina, including the beginnings of those two pieces of anatomy. I made it clinical because I didn't want to say "ass" and "pussy," because the little kids who pick the paper up know what that is. Anyway, I'll bet you have hair on your perineum. I don't.
ReplyDeleteRV
I'm going to go look right now. The piercing might get in the way, though.
ReplyDeleteNope, hairless. I'm just lucky I guess. I have to admit, I thought the article was kinda hot. You should have gone to Embers, that's my low-rent club of choice. And if you have gone to Embers, you would know why I laughed when you talked about the dancers going to the gym as many as six times a week.
ReplyDeleteWe just call it the taint.
ReplyDeleteIt taint this and it taint that.
Once again, the genius of Mark Miller.
gbomb
I liked the online blurb I saw about Embers: Rough crowd, rougher women. I really liked the Body Shop, as far as alcohol serving places go.
ReplyDeleteI shave mine. I'm thinking about getting a piercing now, thanks to you.
I'm glad the story made you kind of hot. Originally, it was made out of wood.
Mark Miller did not invent the taint!!
ReplyDeleteI however did invent "it's all good".
-miller
That last post was me, RV. And I invented the taint, but they wouldn't let me use it on edit. I also tried "grundle" that got nixed too. Gotta go, I'm on the grind.
ReplyDeleteRV
The proper anatomical (and customary) term is "taint." As in, "the area that taint pussy nor ass."
ReplyDeleteAs a copy editor, I prefer "chode."
ReplyDeleteI had a beer spilt on me at Embers and got a free lap dance. It's a "good" place and my bro installed their audio system.
i like to call it a choad, as macca would sing "the long and winding choad" or "why don't we do it in the choad". mcartney: secret choad lover.
ReplyDeleteI invented the choad. And it was good.
ReplyDelete-God
How come you can't get a good steak at Sacto strip joints like you can up in Portland? Sacto seems to envy everything Portland has (urban revitalization, transit issues, 24 Hour Church of Elvis, etc)--must we now add strip club steaks to the list?
ReplyDeleteLove,
Harris Ranch
I ordered a strip steak at Embers once and when it came it had a choad in it. I just ate around it.
ReplyDeleteThe Embers has a fantastic steak. The whisker biscuits are better at Centerfolds though.
ReplyDelete-miller
Uhhh...Risky Business steaks...
ReplyDeleteThe tuna tacos as Club 400 couldn't be beat. It sucks that they closed down!
ReplyDelete>I ordered a strip steak at Embers once
ReplyDelete>and when it came it had a choad in it. I
>just ate around it.
But did you get any choad on your flavor saver? That's what Sacramento wants to know.
Love,
Harris Ranch
Skipper said...
ReplyDelete>Uhhh...Risky Business steaks...
Please share your dining experience there with a restaurant review on yelp.com
Love,
Harris Ranch
are you referring to my womb broom, miss? i got that waxed off prior to my visit, as etiquette requires.
ReplyDeleteI just looked up a list of strip clubs in the Portland area and found that there are 48. Here are a few great sounding ones:
ReplyDeleteDouble Dribble Saloon
Bottoms Up!
Jiggles
Shagnasty's
Ive only been to Marys. It was boring.
Tess
The Acropolis rules!!! Not that I've ever been there....
ReplyDelete-miller
Smitty said...
ReplyDelete>The word on the street when I've been
>in Portland, and this is straight from
>Huggy Bear's mouth, The Acropolis, is
>owned by a guy with a cattle ranch.
>Hence the great and cheap steaks.
Wow, that Acropolis guy really oughta open a place like SF's Campus All-Male Theater then. The strippers could rotate between cow punchin' and glory holin' when they get bored. It's a goldmine, I tells ya...
That's a little weird because a friend of mine used to work for the owner back when the N&R empire was just the Chico N&R and he's always said that the owner is now born again or something.
ReplyDeleteWow, so you can get Christian oriented blowies and HJs at the Campus All-Male Theater now? Cool!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Manly Mann
this is veering dangerishly close to gibberish at this point.
ReplyDeleteOutside of Club 400, my favorite (now departed) Sacramento strip joint was The Satin Lady, located in the trackless wastes of Citrus Heights. You couldn't get a steak, but the Miller on tap and choreography was top-notch and I was once greeted on a jaunt to the men's room by some twitchy tweaker coming out the door who vehmently reminded me "just remember, you didn't see shit -- got it?"
ReplyDeletei remember a friend from the PNW telling me that in order to have a hard liquor lisence, you have to serve food in most places.
ReplyDeletenot much goes better with strippers than some hard liquor, so i'm guessing that's why with the steaks.
Thanks for the props, Becks. I also have a review of "49 Up" in there this week. Next week: the Astaire/Rogers movie "Carefree".
ReplyDeleteBy the way, in the perineum/taint/chode linguistics debate, I'd like to throw my weight behind the term "space of skin between the anus and the genitals". Rolls right off the tongue (if you know what I mean).
Back in the day when i drove bar/beer supply truck.I use to have many stops at the strippin`/naked lady places.The most crazy one was the tottally naked one in Cordova off Sunrise.They didn`t get beer but water/Oj which i would have to roll right pass the dance stage and then into the ladies den.Making $10.50 stacking water in front naked ladies was cool.They asked me "how i`m doin` & why don`t ya come back for some chicken wings.." I was never much into those places but the other driver was.He would stay for hours and the route used to be his job.In fact i stopped and stocked at nudie bars from Roseville,auburn to Vacaville.On saturday i had my camera and a cheap hoppshu and decided to film the video camera commercial for a cabaret that was corny and expensive.Do two japanese dudes invite me in with but i said no..cause i`m poor.."Watashi wa binboo desu"is good for laughs.I say a store front sign where salarymen get to take pictures of the ladies privys or get to sniff them.Ya know real close up action-- i wanted to photo and send it to heckasac but way to many yakuza around that area.I wait for the day when there is less yakuza for a photo op.Any ways it`s sumo today..So I`ll see plenty of skin but that`s mainly for the ladies.Take Care jay
ReplyDeletekatymonster said...
ReplyDelete>not much goes better with strippers than
>some hard liquor
And don't forget: poker in the rear.
--no tools loaned
RV here again, with random obs.
ReplyDelete1. Chode, while sometimes used to refert to the taint, is actually a Mexican term that refers to a penis that is wider than it is long. As in, yo, check out the chode on that dude!
2. I had absolutely the worst buffalo wings ever at Gold Club Centerfolds while working on this week's story. Burnt to a black fucking crisp, served with ranch and blue cheese dressing that were both actually mayonaise.
3. I prefer grundle rather than taint. So when the dick is really far from the bunghole, you say "he's a bit long in the grundle."
4. The owner of the SNR is not a born again Christian. Please.
RV
"1. Chode, while sometimes used to refert to the taint, is actually a Mexican term that refers to a penis that is wider than it is long. As in, yo, check out the chode on that dude!"
ReplyDeleteit makes me so happy to read this. that's what i always thought a chode was and then reading all these comments i was so afraid i had it wrong all these years. so to any of you who i may have held coversations about my chode with, i wasn't talking about my taint, but my incredibly stubby penis.
I just came back from sumo and i`ve had 5 good size bottles of warm kick ass sake.Lots of quite almost naked big dudes and kootooshu lost..He`s from Bulgaria and sponosor`d by all of things--- Yogurt..Some foreigners asked me were to sit cause all seats are reserved but i was on my 2nd sake and beer in which i said "sit where ya want.."There is also Baato and he`s from Estonia and today he went against my favorite japanese and won.I`m pretty drunk and made a funny idiot of myself as in discovering new verbs in for myself life konchoushimas...I`m so drunk at this moment maybe i will take on the yakuza for the sign of the oblivous peep show...But did ya know there is an ugly duckling peep nudie show for a lesser price..guys bigger than redwoods dress in raggedly ann outfits and serve ya drinks and they leave stubble for some effect too.Their not too nice from a funny thing that happened awhile ago with a gak o` em.Take Care--jay
ReplyDeleteI've always referred to the taint as the baunch. Or bonch. I don't know - I've never spelled it before. Anyway, it rhymes with launch & I think Ed C made it up when we were in jr high.
ReplyDelete-miller
Is that a contraction of Butt and Chaunch? Nice.
ReplyDeleteElla
If chode is a mexican term why isn't it pronounced cho-day?
ReplyDeleteA.I.
The correct spelling is c-h-o-a-d.
ReplyDelete