Death by GPS

 Tahoe is all snowed in and a bunch of freeways are closed. I've been on twitter a lot because it's that dead week at work between Christmas and New Year's and I usually choose not to take vacation. I remember in the early days of Heckasac Smiller would despair because there was no one online and he was the only one working. At my prior job my boss would give me the time off and not make me use vacation, that was pretty cool!

Back to my point about Twitter, I am seeing a lot of snarky traffic posts about trying to drive in the snow, including like from the CHP. It's a bit jarring to see the jokey tone from CalTrans and cops, but I guess it's a Twitter thing. One person tweeted about how Google Maps was showing people alternative routes that would cause them to get stuck in the snow.

This got me thinking about a time many years ago (how many? no idea - ten? more? aha, I checked my email and it was 2009, so 12 it figures I would guess ten because of how the pandemic made the last two years simultaneously long and also meaningless) when GPS almost got me and my friend JM killed.

We were heading to a ghost town in Nevada, no, not the one I've been to a few times that many people go to, but some other one. I have never been to this day so I can't tell you what it was called. We must have been using some first gen GPS I'm guessing, like a Tom Tom. My mom still uses my old Tom Tom when she's in the states, although since that's been two years as well I'm wondering if it will work if she can ever come visit again. She was supposed to visit in about 3 weeks but ya know, Omicron.

We set off, probably without maps and followed the GPS. After hours we ended up on dirt roads, and finally gave up when it was sending us dirt roads that were too narrow to turn around, with big deep ruts on both sides. They were obviously not for cars, maybe for ATVs or I don't know, 1800s cattle drives? I remember at one point getting out of the car to direct her and because I was getting to scared to be in the car which I though might fall off the road (I am notorious for being like a rat fleeing a sinking ship, I will abandon you and get myself to safety)

I don't know how long this went on (sorry, my memory is too bad for my stories to be great) and then we drove back into some town and asked them. Maybe it was the town museum. We told them the name of the ghost town (I swear it maybe had the word green in the name) and I think they gave us another pointer, but we either tried it and it looked sketch or we just were too tired to try.

At this point we decided to give up and drive home, our friends were in a ghost town and everyone had flip phones so there was no way they would get reception. I remembered the Four Eyes were playing in Nevada City, which was on our way home. I think it was at the Mineshaft. I think smiller was there? My friend JM was beat but he dropped me off so as a bonus to my 12 hour day stressed in the car I got to see my friends/great band.

addendum: I blogged about this in May 2009, made an obscure joke about deciding not to camp (not sure why I didn't say we got lost) and the show was actually in Placerville! And there are also pics from Biz's graduation https://heckasac.blogspot.com/2009/05/friday-cruise.html

Do I like Phantom Thread

 I forever associate this movie with going to see it at DoCo with Scott and arriving to the window to discover I had dropped my wallet in Coin Op. That's the one and only time I've ever been (or will probably ever be) in Coin Op, and we were there for a complicated reason that had to do with thinking Katy Perry was playing at Golden 1 that night and wanting to avoid the crush or something.

Anyway, we didn't go that night so had to go back and see it another time. I did not find the wallet and canceled everything (it only had a little cash in it) but then months later it was dropped through our mailslot with my cards, but cash gone. So I now have 2 valid driver's licenses, which could come in handy some day.

I liked it but I vaguely felt like Woodcock was problematic and a dick (natch, it's in the name). Rewatching last night, I had a strong and unexpected reaction: I could not stand his wife. Whether or not you like his dowdy-ass clothes, this man is an artist, and art is important. Yes, he just outfits rich woman, but his work is meaningful to them, and other women who can't afford the clothes and he is living a life of authentic art-making. Being a good romantic partner is not the end-all be-all of life. Not everyone has to be one. Sometimes people are more preoccupied with other things. Yes, that sucks if you date them, but if you are free to go you are able to walk out. 

It's different if someone is abusive, and for sure Woodcock is throwing up red flags all over the place at first, including wiping off her lipstick on their first date and negging her about her figure. He is a dick and a terrible partner, but they are just wrong for each other and she should go.

I understand that the gender dynamics are problematic because the trope of the great artiste is almost always male, but I also think it's fine for a women to exist with other priorities that don't make her a great romantic partner whether it's being an artist or a doctor or whatever. 

Like Woodcock, I enjoy a peaceful household and also treasure my quiet in the morning so I think I just took her toast scraping and spoon biting too hard lol. There is nothing wrong with wanting peace and harmony in your house, and maybe not being a boisterous party person, or even not being "fun". I don't necessarily identify with all of that (I'm "fun" at times, I hope, ok probably rarely), but there are other ways to be and seriousness and focus are important too.

There's so much that could be said about their relationship and his draw to Alma and his lack of self awareness about what he needs in a partner. Her age and origin is never discussed, but there is an over 25 year age gap between these two actors.  But I'll just wrap up with wow Daniel Day Lewis' embodiment of this character is insane. This person felt real to me in all his quirks and idiosyncracies. Sister Cyril, the old so-and-so was also great, and Alma too. If Oscars were a real measure of quality this should have taken them all around.

PTA's first movie set outside of America, I wonder what the Brit's take was on whether he got those details right. I think this and Boogie Nights are his masterpieces.

Do I like Inherent Vice

 I surprised myself with the strong emotions this movie provoked in me. Mostly because a) I'm dead inside and b) I did not remember much from seeing it when it came out beyond a vague feeling that it was good.

I think it was maybe just too much to process on first watching. It snapped me out of my Joaquin Phoenix negativity. He's really funny in it. I mean, this movie is wackadoodle for sure, but I guess chalk that up to the Pynchon base material. I have never read any Pynchon and I'll never say never but nothing from him resides in my current giant stack of books that is oppressing me from my bedside table.

This movie really affected my sleep, the scenes kept playing in my head, especially the mesmerizing Katherine Waterston one, yes if you've seen it you know the one, but not in a dirty way, more like the woozy lighting on her hair and face.

There are obtrusive and gratuitous celeb cameos (Martin Short the most egregious) that make it seem Tarantino-esque, and an unwelcome Owen Wilson brings a soupcon of Wes Anderson to the mix, but this movie seems to have tapped straight into my subconscious and today I'm feeling all the feels (it's annoying me to write that even as a joke). 

It inspired me to listen to Harvest today which TBH is not good for my mental health. Nothing makes me sadder than that album and looking at and singing along with my dad's 8 track of it is as strong of an early childhood memory as I have.

I'll have to do a final ranking once I rewatch Phantom Thread and then if Licorice Pizza ever opens here.

Do I like The Master

 Short take: ew, no

Longer take: I watched it maybe 3 weeks ago and then I went to LA and work has been busy so I have not been able to write about it. But I must continue because Licorice Pizza whilst be anon soon, as it has already been open for weeks in actual cities.

While I marinate on the Licorice Pizza trailer which I've seen at least 3 times while seeing movies in the theater, Spotify wrapped has revealed to me that both my #1 and #5 songs from 2021 were from Haim, so I guess I am a Haim fan but I'm not even sure I like them. Anyway, Alana Haim stars in Licorice Pizza.

When I first saw The Master (in a theater) The Joker movie did not exist, which I'm sure made Joaquin Phoenix easier to take in The Master. He is a skeletally thin and hunched alcoholic in The Master. He is utterly repellent (meant to be) but my hatred for The Joker made it so I just could not stand the character. And did not buy that he would be relatively attractive to women, although I guess because he's tall, dark and unhinged (and hates women) that might be attractive to some.

The Master had mostly faded from my memory, with the only thing remaining being the Amy Adams weird handjob and the pseudo-Scientology "auditing" scenes. 

What is it saying? What is the point? PSH plays an L Ron Hubbard daddy type, I guess he bonds with Joaquin Phoenix over their shared alcoholism, although PSH keeps his mostly under control. Watching folks pour effort and feelings into Joaquin's empty vessel of a person I just did not buy it, why would they latch onto this person for anything? I'm sure this cult would take any converts, but they elevate him to a prominent position and it's hard to understand what they see in him. 

There's a parallel to Punch Drunk Love and TWBB in the sudden bursts of violence that come out of these protagonists. 

Really did not like this on rewatch.

Do I like There Will Be Blood

 PTA's true next movie was a documentary about some Radiohead solo thing or somesuch (no watchy). So, here we have TWBB, five years after Punch Drunk Love. So clearly he got kind of burned on Magnolia, came back with quick, lighter fare inspired by his love of Fiona Apple, and then it took 5 years for him to go back to something more ambitious.

I remember I saw it in the the theater (which I guess is true for all his films), liked it a lot, never saw it again. It's a mark of how old I am that I think of a movie that came out 14 years ago as "recent". Getting past middle age means always being confused about how long ago stuff was.

It's 2 hours and 40 minutes long and I'm not planning to watch it all at once. I am sort of liveblogging while it's on.

With the mining, as a safety professional: total nightmare. The correct safety protocols are NOT in place. Working alone, improper PPE etc. 

But right away, I'm loving it. Yes, strident score but I'm getting goosebumps at the oil discovery scene. Love that it's silent for the first 15 minutes but in a way that's necessary (it's all about physical labor) and not showy (although it's showy, too). DDL's speaking voice is a fun surprise and also Paul Tompkins is in this (but I think he had one line)

I'm on the second or third well death well: this movie is basically about occupational safety.

I stopped liveblogging and then just watched the rest. I really remembered very little of this movie, just "I drink your milkshake" oil wells, plaintive score.

I had remembered way more Johnny Greenwood musical shenanigans but they weren't so bad. 

This movie has two of those PTA showstopper scenes: the baptism and I drink your milkshake. They are both delightful. Eli is a wonderfully loathsome character. I guess they could have cut the brother subplot and it could have been about two hours, but it was entertaining so...

Long story short: loved it!! Second to Boogie Nights so far. 

Now I again feel I should read the Upton Sinclair it's based on, but I've never had anyone say they read it or recommend it. Only the first part of the book was factored into this adaptation. 

Do I like Punch Drunk Love

For starters it's only 90 minutes, which is a nice palate cleanser after the bloated Magnolia. It felt like a short comparatively!

I like the music use in this one again. I VERY FREQUENTLY get that Olive Oyl song sung by Shelley Duvall in Popeye in my head, and it drifts in and out of this movie. 

I do like this less than when it came out however, watching with a current lens it occurred to me that this is a love story where both lovers are manic pixie dream girls/guys. Feels the most like a fairy tale or fable of any of the movies so far.

Sandler is great, there are many funny lines. I am a moderate Sandler fan, I don't seek everything out but I like him in dramatic roles but now that I look at his filmography I haven't seen that many of the comedies. 

This movie is fizzy and sweet and low stakes. Clearly a swerve from Magnolia and I still like it, but it didn't make me all emo like it did when I saw it in the theater. Maybe because I was still searching for love, but now I've found it so I don't need to wonder if I can find it with a shy man-boy who punches stuff. Instead I've found it with an outgoing boyish man who has never punched anything except a Tower timeclock

Do I like Magnolia?

 Much like Pitchfork with Interpol, I would like to downgrade my initial rating of Magnolia. Came out in 1999. PTA was obviously flying high from the commercial and critical success of Boogie Nights so he decided to do something modest like release a three hour movie that explains, what? I'm not quite sure, coincidence? Regret? He is on record saying he wish he would have chilled out and cut 20 minutes. Probably more like 45 would be good.

The use of this music in this movie is terrible, almost from the first scene. Well, the first scenes are old-timey Ripley's Believe it or not-style coincidences that could def be cut. 

Then we have Aimee Mann covering the Nilsson song "One". I really love Nilsson and this song of course is good, not one of my faves. But PTA plays the entire (7 minute) cover as he sets up his many, many intertwining stories, over dialogue and even over snippets of other music. It was super irritating and put me on edge for the start of my long filmic journey. 

That, and the incessant use of a tense score to create building tension that the scenes have not earned through what is actually happening in the scene really hurt this movie for me.

There are so many plots, I may not even hit them all.

The dimbulb kindhearted cop plot did not age well. Fuck this guy.

The entire quiz show plot, including both the prodigy kid and the host, not interesting.

Quiz show prodigy grown up, also not that compelling.

Game show host daughter, I guess sort of interesting. She does so much coke that it made me wonder how much coke PTA did in his heyday. It's also hard to trust anything that's going on with her because she's so high out of her mind.

The sole interesting plots are the two intertwining ones of Tom Cruise as incel pickup artist guy, and Jason Robards as dying dad with Julianne Moore as regretful trophy wife. Philip Seymour Hoffmann is affecting as nice guy nurse with  moist eyes. 

Jason Robards is amazing, and deserved awards. Julianne Moore does a lot with a thankless role, and Cruise brings the little bit of fun to be had in this movie.

If you cut out all the trappings like the old-timey coincidence intro and outro, the rain of frogs, the music use including the mid-movie singalong and you are just left with the two intriguing plotlines. Maybe that would have been a really good movie, hard to say.

When it came out, I saw it in the theater and I was somewhat into it. I was sucked in and didn't mind the musical sing along part. It felt like it had something to say, but now that I think about it I'm not so sure.

Do I like Boogie Nights?

 Fuck yes. End of post....JK!

But serial, this movie is lightning in a bottle, it's a canary in a coal mine, it's the chocolate to my peanut butter, I'm soaking in it!

I'm not a movie re-watcher, but I saw this in the theater and I've watched it at least once more later, probably more. Nevertheless, it had to have been at least a decade so I was watching with fresh eyes.

This movie is just so appealing! It's like a warm hug from a polyester double knit garment. It's a fairy tale. I noticed the structure more this time - joyful and on the upswing for almost exactly the first half, peaks on NYE 79 and then starts to go down, down, down, then on to the happy ending we crave that does not feel cheap. Yes, Scotty doesn't get his man, Amber still doesn't have her son, and it's not that realistic that Dirk would kick drugs but I don't care. They are a chosen family and I want them to be together.

The set piece in this one is the drug dealer, Sister Christian scene, which is just as fun as I remember. There is a good use of music in this movie (foreshadowing for my take on the poor use in Magnolia). It's pretty perfect in fact, and I am as sick of these songs as anyone, but they work.

Marky Mark is problematic as hell, and in his uptight Catholic later years he has disavowed this movie, but he has for sure never reached these heights again.

Still not loving John C. Reilly, maybe ever. I think he could disappear from this movie and it would not be much worse off despite being the source of a couple laughs.

This movie is ecstatic, energizing and so fun and it ends with male full frontal - what's not to like!!!

Trippy food for thought: it came out in 97, probably filmed in 96, and set in the late 70s/early 80s. So despite the campy fashion and tunes, it was filmed about 15-ish years after the dates depicted. And now it has been out for 24 years!!!! But think back to like 15 years ago and it feels to me like not a whole ton has changed in fashion and music. Probably just part of getting older, but that was tripping me out when I thought about it.

Do I like PT Anderson

 Sometimes I feel the need to put disclaimers about how self-involved this thing is, but then again, it's my blog so of course it's what I'm thinking about or doing, sheesh.

The last two movies I've seen (Titane -which I keep thinking is called Tartine, and Lamb - dumb) both had the preview for PT Anderson's new movie Licorice Pizza. It doesn't look particularly intriguing and I was distracted by the Haim and trying to figure out how old she is and how old she is supposed to be in the story. That is why celeb casting can be annoying!

Anyway, it got me thinking - do I really like PT Anderson or do I just think I do? Note that I'm not saying "is he good?" that is too lofty and I'm not qualified. Love movies but not a film nerd.

So I decided to watch them all in a row. Naming his movies with smiller I bet he might be the only director where I can think of all his movies but I did forget Hard Eight. Smiller was like "Boogie Nights can't be the first!" He was right.

Hard Eight came out in 1996 and I went to see it in the theater. I would have been 22 or 23. Reader, I walked out. I probably theater-hopped to something else. Gwyneth annoyed me, and the casino plot did not grab me.

I watched it the other night. I'm pretty sure this is the only time I've seen the ending. Gwyneth still annoyed me. Seeing her prep school ass play a Reno sex worker is just irritating. It was weird seeing it close after The Card Counter because it had so many similarities. Men, searching for daddies and sons, in seedy casinos. Card counting mentioned in the beginning, and then never again. 

It didn't really feel like a PT Anderson movie yet, although I guess the hotel room scene is the signature scene. I know there was some issue with the movie getting cut by the studio and then recut by him, so maybe they tried to cut out his auteur stuff. 

Phillip Seymour Hoffman has a poignant cameo, and he uses the laugh-to-hide-crushing-insecurity laugh that he would employ as Scott in Boogie Nights.

Casting Samuel Jackson a couple years after Pulp Fiction gives the scenes between him and Philip Baker Hall a Tarentino-esque feel, which is definitely weird for Paul Thomas Anderson.

Overall, it's ok but I'm sure after my walk out I had no thought I would go to see his next movie. I wish the Reno Peppermill still looks the way it does in the movie. I mean, maybe it does but I doubt it.

Restaurant adventures

 I've been going to restaurants slightly more often recently, but still have not dined inside. I probably will on an upcoming vacay to chiller climes.

I had a funny Friday night dining experience. A friend was coming from SF, with a tiny dog, so I thought Joon would be perf. I've only had one lunch there so far but loved it. I didn't know the deal with their dinner, at least on weekends. What is the deal? Glad you asked. They are very popular, and you need reservations. They are counter service at lunch, table service at dinner. When we checked for party of 4 (I was kinda willing to try inside) it was a 90 minute wait. They had like 6 empty picnic tables on the side, which are not primo seating but which I would have gladly taken, but due to the employee shortage they can't serve those. I wish they would let you get takeout and sit there, but they won't. 

So then, the dilemma, where to go? Trying to show the friend that Sac is "cool". Also, me and Smiller rode there. So we had two folks on bikes, 2 in cars, and one adorable pomeranian/chihuahua mix. 100% Sellands did not cross our minds because I enjoy flavorful food.

We settled on Jamie's, where I have not been since before the pandemic started. We pile in one car, leave the bikes safely in the bosom of East Sac (best Sac? I told you I'm on this new kick).

Arrive to Jamies just as Smiller realizes he left his phone on his bike (he's got a thing rigged to put it on his handle bars for playing tunes). Where could it be safer than East Sac? But anyway, he and EC head to get it. 

Me and the friend, getting really hungry now, ask for "patio" which is really two tables in the Jamie's back parking lot (who knew they had one?). This is due to my request, everyone else would have dealt with eating inside, I'm just nervous. They say no because they are short staffed, but then reconsider (I promise I didn't whine) and say ok. Soon the two of us are out back, gratefully drinking Anchor Steams. EC and Smiller take a while, and both servers at Jamie's checking on us are SO NICE.

They arrive, phone safe (of course) and we ravenously over order. Calamari, clam chowder, club sandwich, two garlic steak sandwiches and I get the turkey and cran san (notice I do not say sando). More brews get drank. We wonder what Guy Fieri ordered when he was there for DDD and conclude it had to be the garlic steak sandwich.

Everything is delish, their turkey is so good. The calamari is tender and has cocktail sauce to dunk in. We are stoked.

aforementioned cute dog

But it's so funny that I wanted to take CM to a charming little jewel of a place and we end up in a dirty parking lot with a view of a dumpster and the freeway, I'll complete the picture by adding that the AQI was really bad this day and we got dirty sky and orange sun. It felt appropriately apocalyptic for these times and was a meal I will never forget. I love Jamie's even more now.

Greek flex

Then we hit up the tail end of the Greek Festival and enjoy a lot of muscular guys drunk on ouzo (that sounds pervy the way I write it and ok fair) and then I try to get ouzo and they have RUN OUT OF OUZO, despite multiple people there wearing tshirts saying "Got Ouzo?" to which I had to sadly cry oxi (aka no in Greek), and we got those honey donuts (loukoumades). There was a super pro Greek band, with a guy with a real for real bouzouki and folk dancing including willowy dancers from the folk dancing troupe. He had a very Sac night, for better or worse!

POSTSCRIPTS: 

1) I don't like Jamie's fries though. They are those coated-style fries. What is this lumpy coating? And why?

2) Part of the back parking lot has a quonset hut where Jamie's was doing dining when there was no indoor dining, and bands used to play there. The stage is flanked by 7 foot tall Coors and Coors light cans. Someone contact them to have a show!!

Stuff I have liked recently

 Ok, I have 13 minutes till my next zoom, LET'S GO:

1) Getting a Moonraker beer on the Compton's patio, my new "spot" (that makes my "G spot" my "old spot" now). Also pretty high on East Sac in general and pretending that I sort of live there (my actual hood is Marshall School)

2)

Robert Walser continues to be the funniest writer I've read who died in a mental hospital

3) Went to see Titane and I was very grossed out and very entertained. I like a female director doing Cronenberg/body horror stuff. I like homoerotic fireman nightclubs. Is it a classic? Probably not. Only time will tell

4)

Blown away by the 90s move "What happened was" but I'm pretty convinced maybe only me and Charlie Kaufman really love it. He is known to have called it an influence. It's on Criterion, if you like movies that started as plays and are filmed (2 character) plays then you might like it

5) Cooked Alison Roman's soy/honey brisket and goddamned that has got to be the most savory and best brisket I've ever had. And the recipe has so much salt (both in soy sauce AND fish sauce) that I retained two pounds of water weight since yesterday from eating it for dinner.

Got it done with a couple pics and 5 minutes to spare

Navel Gazing

 I made two big life changes during the pandemic: started running and started meditating. The other one, which I didn't initiate ('rona did it) is no more twice-a-year visits by my mom which even though they were only twice, took up a bigly amount of space in my head because they were so stressful to plan and execute, so it always seemed like a visit was happening soon or had just happened.

But I digress, so running was due to not being able to go to spin as my main way to "stay in shape" whatever that is to a given person. I got really into it as something I could do when I couldn't do anything else and I was maybe running a little too often and pushing my mid-40s (cough *late 40*) body a bit, and since about May I have scaled back and run on average 4 times a week, 3 miles at a time. At that level, I don't get any injuries or soreness so it seems good. I found that I love to run in the extreme cold so I may up my distance again when the temperatures drop. I usually run at around 7 am everyday, rarely later than 8. Yeah, running is cool if you can do it and/or don't hate it. I do get sick of my McKinley village/Elvas area runs but I have a newfound appreciation for Compton's Market and their deliciously old-school logo and vibe. I mean, I don't shop there often but I think about it a lot as I run past. I love how there is a bar inside for East Sac Grateful dads to drink brews. I have also learned where the citrus, fig, loquat and cherry trees are to raid and pillage as I run

OK, now blogger has decided to center align, whatevs. 

Second change, meditating. That one is a bit more recent. UCD sponsors live meditations sessions, so I started that, and downloaded the Calm app (which I now got rid of and use 10% happier instead which is a great app despite the pathetic name). Now I meditate for a short sesh most days, sometimes twice or even three times. Sometimes if I do a body scan style one I will fall asleep briefly. That has been a life changer because it's making me tune into bodily sensations, and to note how often my heart is racing or I feel super nervous or tense. It's helping me to change that.

A side-effect of changing that is that I'm starting to notice I can't "handle" the stress I used to be able to. But what does "handling" mean anyway? A lot of times I think handling is just supposed to mean ignoring your stress and bodily sensations and plunging in. That's a lot harder when you are tuned into those feelings. Maybe that's why this younger generation is viewed as kind of fragile, because they are aware of mental health best practices and yikes "self care".  Anyway, these are musings that are on my mind, it really doesn't take much time at all to take a few breaths and ground yourself periodically, it can be done during the same amount of time that you might normally be scrolling on social media or stress snacking or something.

Shirley Jackson and Chile Rellenos

I watched the Shirley Jackson-ish movie last night. And by "ish" I meant that the movie is based on a fictional novel with only a tangential relationship to Shirley Jackson's life, mostly because there are no kids in it and she had 4 kids. The movie has a Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf vibe with a fictional young, hot couple coming to live with Shirley and her obnoxious husband.

Few things: Shirley Jackson is a damn trip. You can be a fan (I am BIG TIME) and not realize she wrote two child rearing non-fiction books. Life among the savages and raising demons. Reading Haunting of Hill House and imagining her in the Erma Bombeck type of writing space is very weird. 

How is Shirley the movie? Better than I thought it would be. It all hinges on Moss and some of it is a bit wobbly at times but overall maybe I was just swayed by the excellent shirts that Shirley Jackson wore. 

This duck one is particularly good

Here's another trip about Shirley. She died at 49.

People really aged differently back in the day. But I feel like a dick pointing this out, I'm being honest that I was tripping on it, but also a reason I vibed with the movie is because as someone who has grappled with self image my entire life I am drawn to stories of women who yield power and magnetism that they do not gain through beauty. 

During the movie Shirley is writing a book that I had no idea is a real book, called Hangsaman and now I must read immediately but help I have like 12 books lined up to read right now!!! Current rotation: Call Me By Your Name (trying to rush to the dirty parts), How the Word is Passed (reading with a friend) and a book on daughters of narcissistic mothers. Just finished: Shirley Hazzard The Great Fire.

As far as the Jackson oeuvre I've read We Have Always Lived in the Castle and Hill House is the best scary book of all time IMHO. Of course I've read The Lottery but probably should check out more of her short stories but I just don't really like reading short stories.

The director of Shirley is Josephine Decker who has an interesting body of work. I have seen her movies "Butter on the Latch" "Thou Wast Mild and Lovely" and also a very cringey doc. that she made with an ex about their relationship that has a lot of real sex in it! And them talking about where their relationship went wrong. Shirley was def her biggest movie, with Coppola as producer and I wonder what it did for her career. It got released during the pandemic. I know flops are harder for female directors to recover from. She has a new movie in post-production with Jason Segel in it. Haven't thought about that guy in a while.

I am off the 'Gram so I have nowhere to post food photos. This one is an extremely bad photo and also you can see where I salted after cooking and there's salt on the plate. I made chile rellenos. Two coworkers had told me it's not worth the trouble but I would make again. I made two kinds: stuffed with Oaxacan cheese and the other stuffed with a saute (how do you spell) of shrimp, onion and tomato.

I made the sauce from garden tomatoes, serrano chile, garlic and onion. Blended, cooked down and strained.

The different thing about frying rellenos is you whip the eggs. The recipe I had led to me overwhipping them so that they were too foamy and wouldn't coat the chile (which is first dipped in flour). So while frying the second batch I added another egg white and mixed in so it would not be so stiff.

You roast the chilies beforehand and de-skin and de-seed etc. I think I overroasted them slightly so they were too soft and tended to split. You can hold them together with toothpicks for frying, but it seems sketchy like you are going to bite into one.

Delicious! It made me miss my customary 524 relleno order even though mine were better.

Burgers and platters

 A friend (Raske) made burgers on the 4th and I wish I had taken a picture. They were the best and they erased the memory of the bad Shake Shack burger from my mind. He's a great cook, so I knew I should be excited about his burgers but he surpassed my expectations. A few things he did:

• Got an 80% lean ground beef. He got his at Albertson's but the Corti burger blend has this same ratio. 90% lean is too high
• Generous salting of the meat, but without handling it a lot. He kind of spread it on a plate and salted the top, not really mixed
• He formed the patties directly onto the grill, and made them thin
• I did not check out his coal formation, I should have, I wonder if there was a hot spot or spread out
• He cooked them for a pretty long time. He did a second round when the coals were cooling and they were on there a while. This made a good char. I usually make my burgers way too thick and then also trip out and take them off early so they are sometimes unpleasantly bloody
• American cheese (natch)

Other than that, we rode home just when it was getting dark and many the noise was cray, but I had eaten a weed gummy so I feel asleep early and slept through most of the hoo-hah.

Have you guys gotten knives or sharpened your knives at Crocker Cutlery yet??? Ya gotta! Gabriel is so cool, and his shop is so cute and smells great (he is into essential oils) and knife sharpening is like ten a pop. He has knives for all price ranges but will not hard sell you. Look at this cute platter I got there!

I am trying to bring show listings on Undietacos back, so that I can stay off Instagram. Anyone can make a listing, no Zuckerberg involved! I deleted the Gram from my phone, mostly just because of what a timesuck it is. I'd rather be reading. Of course, I get FOMO and the everyone is hanging out without me feeling, I won't deny that, but mostly I just spend from 30 minutes to an hour on it a day and that's too much.

In which Becky eats a shackburger

 I used to go to the original Shake Shack in Madison Square Park back in the day. And by back in the day, I mean 2004 and yes, I was probably listening to Interpol or Spoon on my headphones at the time. I thought it was good.

In 2020, Sac got a Shake Shack. It had instant lines and seemed like a COVID hot spot, so I avoided it. I gave some money to the local LGBT+ center on big day of giving and in return I received a coupon for a free burger. This is brilliant, and I knew I should use it so that Shake Shack would know that this marketing opportunity had worked. Yes, that's right, I ate a burger because I'm sooooooo altruistic.

I had June 28 off for the Juneteenth holiday (yay UCD you rule in so many ways) so I decided to use my coupon. I got a regular Shackburger which has: "shack sauce" not to be confused with "donkey sauce", tomato, lettuce, American cheese. 

Firstly: too salty. I love salt so if I say something is too salty most would agree. Secondly: bun is gross. It's like the saddest, squishiest version of a Wonder Bread bun. The texture is not recognizable as a bread texture. Thirdly: needs pickles or something acidic. Fourth: of course the tomato was orange and gross. 

This is a terrible burger. For a similar size and style of burger, the Suzie Burger one is better. I also got a chocolate shake which was immediately not thick enough.

I'm not sure if Shake Shack was never good, or (more likely) that upsizing from one cafe to hundreds there is no way to keep something tasting good. I shall not go back unless someone tells me the shroom burger is good.

Show me the horsebreaking

 

Without realizing it, I embarked on a Western masculinity mini-seminar, and I'm digging it. It started with paying for The Killing of Two Lovers on Amazon Prime (yes, I wish I could quit Amazon, and I mostly do, except for the streaming). I tried to go see TKOTL at Tower, but on the day I went, it said online that Tower was showing it (a Thursday) when I arrived, the theater was closed. It is open 3 days a week, unless that has changed in the last couple of weeks. That Angelika website is A MESS. And now that the Bee doesn't have movie listings any more, it's hard to figure out.

Anyway, I show up, ready for movie, no movie. So I rent it. The director went to grad school at UCD, and an earlier movie of his (God Bless the Child) is set in Davis (you really wouldn't be able to tell unless you already knew, it's just suburban streetscapes and parks). I watched God Bless The Child after TKOTL, but it's just kids (his real kids) being feral and if you like kids it would be awesome, but....

So TKOTL is set in some stark area, like, IDK let's say Montana. It's about a stoic beardy blue collar worker guy hurting over his marriage breakup. But with the scenery, the camera work, and the performances it's more than the sum of its parts. And there is one really unforgettable scene. It stuck with me (enough that I watched that other movie) and I really wish I had seen it in the theater.

Then, I decided to watch The Rider, the prior movie from Chloe Zhao before she won the Oscar for Nomadland. I remember seeing the big standup poster for it, I think at Tower, and just having no interest despite all the raves. I don't care much about Westerns. Wow, that movie is fucking incredible. It's a real family (that's the dad and son above, with the director) playing thinly veiled versions of themselves, and the protagonist's scenes with his  disabled friend are just beautiful and heartbreaking. And his real, non-neurotypical sister is in it and she's so good too.  And the scenes of South Dakota are gorgeous. There's a lot of horsebreaking and rodeoing scenes. My high school had a high school rodeo, and I don't know how many times I went but I enjoyed it. It's undeniably exciting. I always rolled my eyes when they played Lee Greenwood "proud to be an American" but ya know, there wasn't a lot to do in my town.

So this was just coincidental, but then I needed a book to read and I marveled that although we've had a copy of All The Pretty Horses forever, and I've read I think most Cormac McCarthy books, I had never read it. I am just loving it, I'm about a third done. It is so funny and man I wish I was riding horses across Mexico (not really, but I'd love to go anywhere, especially Mexico). I wonder if the Matt Damon movie is any good.

There's some extended horsebreaking in All the Pretty Horses Too and I don't even like horses but somehow I love to see/read about the art of breaking them? Maybe it's a new fetish, who knows.

After years of books by women, mostly about women (ever since #metoo and me realizing my own internalized misogyny), maybe I can let some male energy back into my media life, I guess. 

Viva Heckasac

 Trump's blog is dead and mine is alive, which inspired me to post.

I was out of town the last 3 weekends in a row, which is definitely something that hasn't happened since 2019 and is a sign of me getting back to normal: overscheduled and loving it.

Weekend one: Pinnacles National Park. This was on a Sunday/Monday since those camping spots are hard to book for weekends. Pinnacles is interesting, I definitely recommend it for a visit, but maybe not a revisit. There is pretty much just hiking (which is spectacular) but other than that the campsites are stark. The kids in the group loved the pool, and I have never before experienced a dip in a pool after a hot 15 mile hike which really can't be beat. Oh yeah, Pinnacles has pretty extreme temps, so you either have to prepare for that or only visit within a few months.

Weekend 2: Burner-style campground "Raven's Landing". On the road to Clearlake, again, pretty stark and hot. But unique and worth a visit. It has it all (imagine this in Stephon voice): snakes, tame deer, dusty communal kitchens, silent discos, and thanks to Elon Musk, a launch of a 100 satellites that had all of us (who had no cellphone reception) convinced we were seeing the end of the world. Luckily their were youngs wearing fur bikinis (see also: silent disco) to slur "Elon Musk" at us as we freaked out.

Weekend 3: Memorial day at Crabber's Cottage in Trinidad. The more expensive of the 3 options, but also the coolest, weather-wise and prettiest. I visited the beach in Trinidad during the pandemic so I had never seen the actual "town" of Trinidad (pop 350) and the harbor is so cute. The crabber's cottage is two blocks from it, which was a treat. The local market had anything we needed to make meals in the makeshift kitchen, which was too makeshift for much. I had anticipated we would eat out more, but the restaurants were too slammed. I did not want to wait in line for mediocre fish and chips. I don't know if these lines are typical for that holiday weekend of if this was a post-pandemic rush. 

Masa drama

 I need help! During early quar. I did an order of corn and "cal" (the chemical you make masa with) from Masienda. And I ordered a Victoria, hand crank grinder for like 70 bucks. There is not a lot of English-language guidance for grinding masa from whole corn, and Masienda is literally like "hey, buy our $2000 grinder". And I'm like, I'm not living your LA expensive hat lifestyle and no can do. These guys seem cool but c'mon that is way more than my first car cost (and yes I am hoping to get it for my birthday jk smiller doesn't even read heckasac any more)

For almost a year now, once a month or so, I've been boiling the corn, soaking the corn, rinsing the corn and grinding the corn. It is fun and something I enjoy. The longest step is grinding, which take like 20 minutes, including assembly and breakdown of the machine (and washing when I am not leaving that to smiller). Above is grind one, I love the fluffy texture when it comes out of the grinder

The problem is the masa makes stiff tortillas that are not pliable. The flavor is good, but what good is a tortilla that won't wrap? Sometimes I solve this by making a sope kind of platform, but then unless you use a lot of oil they are kind of dry and even somewhat raw in the middle.

I've read online and a lot of people will tell you to grind it through the handcrank grinder twice. The already-ground masa is really tough to get through, you have to keep pushing it and adding water, which is kind of a mess, it over doubles the grinding time and - here's the kicker - I still had non-pliable, breaking tortillas which may have led to rage, gnashing of teeth and maybe even yelling? Smiller has sworn not to tell and neither will I.

Here's the view of the second grind when morale was still high in the kitchen and their was a naive belief that this extra effort would work and be worth it.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I feel like there must be some kind of middle ground between $70 grinder which doesn't seem to work and $2000 investment so I can start Becky's Tortilleria, a business that I can guarantee absolutely no one is clamoring for.

There is a rumored one in the $200 range that can only be purchased in Mexico, and costs like 100 to ship here. I may try to get my mom to lug that here if she's ever able to visit the US again. But I can use advice!!!!

I had more satisfaction a week or so later when I made pozole from scratch, starting with dried hominy.

I made it with bone-in pork butt (heh heh), but without the ribs or feet, etc. to really get that richness to the broth, but the chile paste (a mixture of roasted, soaked and ground ancho and guajillo) made up for that. One funny thing is that I got this heirloom hominy from Anson Mills and it was...not what I want pozole hominy to be. It was coarse, yellow and oh-so-slightly sweet. It was more flavorful than what you usually get and I want hominy in pozole to be a more bland vehicle for soaking up other flavors. I would not buy it again, I would get the Rancho Gordo hominy, or just regular.

These are tortillas I mixed from Maseca flour, which the guys from Masienda will shit all over but it's still more flavorful than pre-made packaged tortillas (which are good and which I will not kick out of bed, basically all tortillas are good)

For the topping, I lacked cabbage and lime, but I made a mix of cilantro, dried oregano and onion. This meal made me miss Alonzo's and eating two baskets of chips and salsa before I get the pozole. If you like cilantro you are really missing out if you are not chopping the stems and including them in stuff.

I'm back at the movies and it's weird.

 I love movies. LOVE. Mostly art-house, but also action and sci-fi. You know that if you've read Heckasac. Give me a long French movie where someone just strolls around and talks about life and I'm in heaven, especially if one of those people is La Binoche or Huppert.  It's been a real bummer not being able to see movies, and one reason is because I have a hard time staying off my phone when I'm watching movies at home.

I'm fully vaxxed now so one of the first things I did was go back to Tower. I so far have refrained from eating popcorn so I can keep my mask on, even though eating movie popcorn as a meal is one of my other favorite things besides watching Isabelle Huppert sit on a beach in the south of France and whinge about something. I saw Minari.

Then, on Tuesday of this week I went to DOCO with Smiller and saw Nobody. That felt significantly less safet because a) the rest of the audience was all young people (less likely to be vaxxed, more likely to carry COVID19 and not GAF) and b) there were more people in the theater than at Minari. The closest folks were probably 8 feet away, and munching popcorn the entire time (no mask).

I did not feel super COVID safe at Nobody, and indeed, have a back-of-the-mind fear that I might have the rona right now (Based on nothing, and got my weekly negative test at work from yesterday). But I'm also like: is this how life will be forever now? I mean, I'm vaccinated so I'm very unlikely to get a severe case.

I don't know, I don't have any answers. But I like being back at movies, even though it's not as comfortable and relaxing as it used to be. Nobody is pretty good, I really love Odenkirk. It's kind of silly. I thought it was charming that the youngs in the theater were into it. RZA is wasted in it, he could have been given a way bigger/better role.

So now I love rice and my maftoul journey

Growing up, rice was rarely served at my house. Maybe once or twice a month, long grain white rice as a side to meat (often a hamburger-based dish). No sauce or seasoning, except maybe butter/salt/pepper. I was not a big fan. I preferred any type of potato or bread as a carby side dish.

My eating has done a complete 180 since I was a kid. What I ate was shaped by a) we didn't have a ton of money and we were a family of 5 and b) my dad mostly cooked and the dishes were midwest by way of the military. He was not in the military but his dad and bro were and they liked military-style food. I know I have posted about shit on a shingle before.

Over time I ate a lot of rice out in restaurants, but at home as an adult I would make it fairly rarely, often brown rice with the thought that it was "healthy". I liked rice but did not love it.

Pandemic time, and my cooking went from 2 nights a week to 6 or 7, every week, for the last year. We def. averaged less than once a week for takeout. I feel guilty about this due to wanting to support restaurants but hey, I had nothing else to do and also for quite a few months the takeout containers and pickup process freaked me out as well.

I also started to crave rice. One of my first really good pandemic meals  I made was chicken katsu and I had some Nishiki short grained that was so perfect. And the rice and salmon as well I love.

Then jasmine rice, I have been making lots of riffs on Indian dishes with lentils and chickpeas and tons of aromatics and spices. Can't get enough of jasmine rice.

That's my rice story. Kind of lame, but it is mine.

Now, short journey to making maftoul, which was billed in the LA times as "the Palestinian cousin to couscous". I am lucky enough to have been gifted 2 different Palestinian cookbooks and I had some teeny tiny couscous and was looking for a recipe, and saw a recipe for a chicken maftoul dish. I knew I had to get some! I ended up randomly locating it on the Patagonia provisions website, and buying lots of overpriced energy bars and some tinned fish in order to get free shipping.

It's organic and fair trade, so seemed cool. Then I started to make the dish, but since I am for some reason pathogically unable to read recipes all of the way through it called for twice as many yellow onions as I had, but I threw in 2  plus some whole shallots (as a sub for pearl onions, which i could not get)

You know if a recipe calls for this many spices it is probably going to be good! I love nutmeg in anything, and I have a vague guilt that my cinnamon is probably not real cinnamon but I don't know how to fix that easily.

Here's the finished result with my typical and neverendingly bad food photography. The maftoul was boiled with olive oil and half the spices. The rest of the spices were with the chicken, which was seared and then boiled with the chickpeas and lots of onions. I sauteed the chicken and onion in ghee, which is like the best aroma in the world, especially when you throw all those spices in. The maftoul itself was completely unique in flavor, I love it! It's naturally sweet (no added sugar), chewy and earthy.

They are whole wheat flour rolled around bulgur! You simply must check it out.

Newsflash!

 Newsflash: Heckasac is not a Substack now. I mean, if it was you wouldn't be reading it here, right? Also, where did the word "newsflash" originate? No one is ever like, "did you see the newsflash? Crazy!" Ah, Merriam Webster said it is often used ironically when something is NOT surprising. Which I guess is how I was using it.

I've been thinking about meals because 

a) I spend 34% of my time thinking about food (a percentage that has been a bit lower lately, maybe because I'm FINALLY a bit sick of cooking

b) I read the Deborah Madison memoir "An onion in my pocket" and the last chapter details memorable meals.

If you don't know who she is (that's her on the right): she's a cookbook author and she started the SF vegetarian restaurant Greens. Which was maybe the first fancy vegetarian restaurant in the country. I have a post-pandemic goal to eat there. I've never eaten there but when I looked inside a couple years ago I discovered it is gorgeous!

She is from Davis (her dad was a UCD botanist) and she was a member of the SF Zen center and a good cook so they kind of ordered her to open the restaurant. I didn't know that after opening it she only ran it for 6 months and has been mostly a cookbook author since. I have two of her cookbooks and they are pretty good. I feel like I should use them more.

Her memoir is great and she is a bit grumpy but in a way I agree with, like wanting food to be simple and not fussy. 

But: memorable meals! I will share one. Please share your own. I posted about it at the time, but I still remember it fairly clearly! 2009. Belgium. Hop growing area. We got a tour of the brewery and the guy who conducted it was also escorting a Japanese-speaking visitor with very little English (none of us knew Japanese) and he convinced us to go to a fancy restaurant. I was nervous because I think it had a Michelin star and I didn't know if we could afford it.

Our Saint Bernadus brewery worker companion gave a vibe that we were a bit uncouth from only knowing one language and being worried about the cost, so I remember a feeling of shame mixed with excitement.

The whole agriculture area smelled like manure very strongly, and the big deal was the the hop shoots were coming up at the time (spring). They are a delicacy in the area, and only available for a few weeks. We got (I think we split it due to the price) a pork steak with hop shoots on top. The picture is in this post.

The craziest thing was that somehow the steak had picked up the earthy, raw character of the manure-y smell of the fields (like a steak terroir) in a way that was not gross but uncanny.

Nice to discover the restaurant is still around! Share a memorable meal.

Is Heckasac a SubStack now? Good idea? Bad idea?

The New Yorker had an article about SubStack. I subscribe to a couple SubStack newsletters, and I pay for at least one of them (not sure about the other, I subscribe to so many apps and services that I can't keep them straight). The article got me thinking maybe I could do a SubStack newsletter to roll into the second decade of Heckasac.

Here are the problems

1) not interactive. you can do comment threads but that's not the same. but I should admit that with the exception of the weird spam in the last post and Cody's very welcome comment, that Heckasac is largely not interactive either and 

2) the SubStack newsletters I get always feel like somewhat of a drag to read, like a chore or something. They are both food-related, and both good, but for some reason having them in my inbox on a schedule I don't control makes it feel more like a to-do read than a pleasure

So yeah, probably won't do it? We'll see. I love the idea that I started Heckasac because The New Yorker explained to me what blogs are and then I could move onto another platform for the same reason! It's still my main way to find out about many things.

I'm currently in 3 book clubs. One is a neighborhood one reading White Fragility. We had our first meeting I think it went ok. I've organized a previous, work-based book club for this same book but this iteration is my first time with a non-white person in the group. That makes the discussion just a little different because so much of that book is "white people, stop doing this shit" but I am thoroughly excited and engaged to have the convo with a non-white person as well, with also not wanting to put extra pressure on them as far as the group dynamics

My other book club is reading Luster by Raven Leilani. It's actually not a great book club book because it's compulsively readable and it's also short, so some of the group had read over half of the book before we even convened and now we are already done and we just started! Next time maybe we'll read Ulysses, ha.

This post is boring me so I won't go into the third book club, suffice to say that it's an attempt to keep up the only friendship I have made during quar.

Now that the holidays are over, my year stretches out as a featureless blob. I am looking forward to eating Dungeness crabs in the backyard with one friend soon. I have an April camping trip planned that hopefully can still happen, but bummer we probably won't be vaccinated by then.  Oh yeah, and inauguration day to get rid of the creep.