Thursday, June 28, 2007

Calvin pissing


In these fractured, polarized times, I think there is one thing we can all agree on, and that's that the Bee Gees are the best, am I right? Hardest working dudes in show business. Did you know they wrote "to love somebody" for Otis Redding but that he died before he could record it? Imagine how good his version would have been.
Sadly, Awesome video has been selling off their VHS selection slowly, and they are currently on the horror movie section. Any horror fan should get his/her butt down there cuz they have some obscure shit, including old Mexican horror films, and all VHS tapes are half off! I didn't pick up any horror films, but I did get a copy of Feelin' Up (which I guess was also released as a film called "Getting Together") and an 80's comedy called "Delivery Boys" (tag line "Boy do they deliver!) and "Wham! in China: Foreign Skies" all for under 12 bucks! Gold! I also rented Kim Kardashian Superstar and let me tell you if you watch this movie you will never hear the phrase, "Oh shit, Ray Jay" the same ever again. I don't know if anyone else has seen this, but wasn't there supposed to be some golden shower action? Speaking of golden showers, a few of us were brainstorming on some Calvin pissing sticker ideas and we came up with Calvin pissing on one of those sticker stick families and R. Kelly pissing on Calvin (that one would be kind of hard to execute)

42 comments:

Alice said...

what are peeps fave bee gee's album? i really like '2 years on.' i guess there are some pretty dramatic songs on it. but, i listened to it during a dramatic time in my life like every day.

beckler said...

hmm..i really like the first because "turn of the century" is on it.

Anonymous said...

yoqeuzzz

Josh Nice said...

i was in buenos aires in 1998 and the bee gees played at boca juniors stadium. i had no idea they were still that big, 20 years after their disco hits.

beckler said...

man, the plot is really thickening around the production of feelin' up. I puzzled my way through this imdb review:

This defiantly crude concoction in poor taste, upon being viewed by David Secter's nephew Joel, is the activator for a documentary made by Joel, taking as his subject his uncle's uneven career as a filmmaker during which David recorded in his features what he supposedly lived and lived what he recorded, GETTING TOGETHER his third opus, the first a mildly successful debut entitled WINTER MADE US WARM. The quaint occurrences in this movie are purportedly gleaned from the gauche activity of an experimental cinema and free love collective organized by David and housed in a large loft in New York City's Lower East Side during the late 1960s, the setting where most of this piece (named FEELIN' UP for its U.S. video distribution) was filmed, the loft becoming not only a living space but also a studio site for the cast and crew, with the first half of the affair being only marginally better than the chaotic second, the total generally falling into the category of humour, although comedy pointing is poorly implemented. The narrative opens with David, a would-be motion picture director, cooking up a plan to quit his job and sell most of his possessions, such as a Porsche, in order to do what he craves most: "make movies"; however, the impracticality of this estranges his live-in girl friend, Sheila, and David therefore replaces her in his affections with two men and a woman as a bisexual commune-like arrangement that suffers here from a lack of direction for the performers. After a female psychotherapist joins the cozy group, along with a returning Sheila, they all lightly decide to marry each other as a sodality and raise multicultural children in symbiotic fashion, a coda taking the action ten years into 1985 when the original sextet, now augmented by numerous children, and sundry hippie type adults who apparently are desirous of escaping reality through the employment of chemicals and sexual activity, spend their time frolicking about in an infantile manner that will most certainly fail to entertain viewers of even the most minute mental capacity. To compound the film's weaknesses, it was cropped and released by exploitative Troma Entertainment that provides it with a VHS box cover and descriptive notes that are not remotely related to the production; but in any event, even with Secter's obvious knowledge of the kinetic capabilities of a camera and the editing process, and a too seldom utilized touch of self-spoofery, he and his nonsense saturated friends have brought about a quite dreadful picture, best to be avoided.

which led me to this documentary, by the director's nephew, joel:

This is not your typical love story. Joel, a Jewish boy from the suburbs finds himself drawn to his Uncle David, a bisexual, indie filmmaker from New York City. What sparked the interest? Was it David's charm and charisma? His alternative lifestyle, his revolutionary ideas? It was the accidental rental. While a teenager, Joel came across a 1970s sex comedy titled Feelin' Up. He rented the eye-opening flick for a group of friends and when the credits rolled, his heart did a flip. His uncle, David Secter, wrote, produced and directed it. So began the love affair, and now almost 20 years later, the story has been captured in Joel's documentary about the life of a man who lived what he filmed and filmed what he lived. With rare cameos by David Cronenberg, Michael Ondaatje, Philip Glass, John Pierson and Robert Shaye, discover the story of the controversial, always entrepreneurial and entertaining David Secter, pioneer of independent film.

Anonymous said...

I'm casting my vote for Calvin pissing on Calvin praying. The first Bee Gees record rules all the way through! Though there are good songs on almost all of them.

-miller

beckler said...

hmmm...there are no david secter films on netflix, except his recent documentary about the gay games

Anonymous said...

"...and we came up with Calvin pissing on one of those sticker stick families and R. Kelly pissing on Calvin (that one would be kind of hard to execute)"
---------------------

Chuck Berry pissing on Calvin! Does anyone remember the bootleg tape of Chuck Berry pissing (and simultaneously letting out a fart) on some woman's face and then telling her, "I caint kiss you baby, your face smells like piss."

Love,
My Ding-A-Ling

beckler said...

my favorite bee gees lyric (besides all of turn of the century) is in red chair fade away

think of something nice
fragrant lemon trees

what could be nicer than that?

Anonymous said...

I'm partial to

every child
is thinking of something wild

from Every Lionhearted Christian Man Will Show You

-miller

Anonymous said...

Pardon me, Every Christian Lionhearted Man Will Show You. Important difference.

-miller

Anonymous said...

The Bee Gees? Are you high, Beckler? I mean, I think the Brothers Gibb made some fine records, and they're consummate pop craftsmen and songwriters, but a little perspective here. As long as Brian Wilson breathes, and even long after, those Gibbs bros are not top shelf. Of course, you're entitled to differ, but my point is that we all do not agree.

On to Calvin: I've always wanted, as a social experiment, to combine two window stickers: the Calvin pissing on a Ford oval or Chevy bowtie, and the Calvin on his knees before a big crucifix. What might be holding me back is that car windows are expensive, and there's no telling what other damage myght be done by somebody with access to a cinder block or a truncheon who wasn't in accord with a sticker of Calvin pissing on the cross. But if I was independently wealthy, it might be cool to go buy a new Hummer H2, slap that Calvin sticker in the back window and maybe a couple of virulently partisan Republican bumper stickers on the back, and then go hide in the bushes nearby with a video camera.

Yep, that would work.

Grwffydd

beckler said...

Why are you judging the Bee Gees' career in light of the Beach Boys? Why not just say no other band can ever be good again because the Beach Boys existed? Yeah, Pet Sounds is a great album but I would get a little bored if I listened to it all day every day just because it's a perfect pop album. I didn't intend to hold them up as the best band ever, I just think they're great.

beckler said...

I didn't mean that to sound rant-y or pissed. I'm not.

Anonymous said...

Neither am I.

And it's apples and oranges, comparing the two. Just wanted to make the point that there's a lot more to Brian Wilson's BB oeuvre than what's on Pet Sounds. There are a bunch of great singles that preceded that album, there's side two of The Beach Boys Today, there's "Good Vibrations" and the aborted Smile album, most of which--"Our Prayer," "Heroes and Villains," "Wonderful," "Cabin Essence," "Wind Chimes," "I Love to Say Da Da" (a.k.a. "Cool, Cool Water"), "Surf's Up," et al.--got released on later albums, there are tons of other great Brian tracks, e.g. "I Went to Sleep," "Till I Die," "Let the Wind Blow," "This Whole World," All I Want to Do," etc., plus a terrific 1977 album called The Beach Boys Love You that contained such gems as "Johnny Carson," "Solar System" and "Honkin' Down the (Gosh Darned) Highway." My point being that, uh, there's more to Brian than Pet Sounds. The music from Smile, alone, would catapult him to any A-list of American pop-music greats.

But then, I'm a rabid fan, and I'll shut up now. Peace!

Grwffydd

beckler said...

wow, has there ever been a ripoff of "taxman" bigger than "in my own time"? (which came out on the bee gees first album one year after revolver came out) and the monk chanting on ECLHMWSY is so rad!

no one on soulseek has robin's reign available for download

Alice said...

so, i really do like Every Christian Lionhearted Man Will Show You. but for some reason i get a little shy about it. actually, i can get shy about liking many of their songs. i'm not sure why. they are very passionate for our current cynical times. maybe someone made fun of me once for liking them because of that. oh well. here's to the bros.

Anonymous said...

A whole row of Calvin's pissing on pissing Calvin's seems like it would be aesthetically pleasing as well as funny.

A couple of years ago, when I was at Home Depot, my friend and I saw a truck with the bumper sticker, "Drink til she's pretty." The great part was that it was one of those deals where the letters in the phrase were all individual stickers. We scratched off the "s" so it said, "Drink til he's pretty." I had hoped the guys would drive around for awhile before noticing, but when we came back out to my car, the guys were frantically scratching the whole thing off their window.

Anonymous said...

I think at this point the genius of Brian Wilson/The Beach Boys has been duly recognized - far beyond just Pet Sounds. Especially in comparison to the Bee Gees - who are still mainly known for their disco era.

-miller

Anonymous said...

Is there any chance these sticker ideas are actually Calvin Johnson pissing on things?

Miss B

Anonymous said...

Is there any chance these sticker ideas are actually Calvin Johnson pissing on things?

Ha! That was my immediate thought upon seeing the headline. And not to far from the realm of possibility given some of Mr. Johnson's predilections.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Scott.

I was in R5 (aka Tower) yesterday, and they had some deluxe editions of the early Bee Gees titles, which apparently now have been reissued on Reprise. I really like a lot of the music they made before the Arif Mardin-produced Main Course and the Albhy Galuten era that followed, even though in retrospect those disco-era records are mighty fine pop confections, too. But the earlier stuff definitely is deserving of revisitation.

Grwffydd

Anonymous said...

At the end of that Bee Gees doc they ask all the various talking heads who have been interviewed throughout what their favorite Bee Gees song is & George Martin says the Saturday Night Fever songs. Those songs aged way better than I would've guessed. Also, George Martin is at total badass. And to bring this full circle, Brian Wilson inducts the Bee Gees in to the Rock N Roll hall of Fame & in typical Brian fashion, announces their name & jets off the stage as the Bee Gees are attempting to give him a hug.

I should get that CD reissue of Bee Gees 1st. The record we have is shot to hell.


-miller

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see a decal of Mary Worth or maybe someone from Apt. 3G pissing on Calvin.

Love,
Rex Morgan

Alice said...

'how deep is your love' really gets me. i mean, i've even considered that if i were ever to get married, i'd play that song for that dumb first dance part. i'm almost turning red typing that. but that song really, really gets me.

archbishop said...

I always thought "how deep is your love" was a song about fisting.

Anonymous said...

I'm in agreement with George Martin. The Saturday Night Fever songs are classics, although I really like some of the early stuff that I've heard too, particularly Horizontal. You can't touch Jive Talking and How Deep is Your Love. So good. Does anyone know who does the original of Emotion? I love that song.

Brew

Anonymous said...

If Calvin Johnson made stickers of himself pissing, he'd sell a ton on tour. One of them to me.

-miller

Jeff M. said...

I'll give it up for How deep is your love, which reminds me of being stretched out on a cold waterbed during my childhood in the 1970s. Guess you probably had to be there.

But has anyone mentioned Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band? I'm talking about the movie

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sgt._Pepper's_Lonely_Hearts_Club_Band_(film)

It includes a great orgy scene, but other than that this movie, which starred the Bee Gees, singlehandedly killed the rock opera (good thing?) and seriously tainted the album by the same name.

It's not that the movie was lacking for talent: it had Leif Garrett and Bobby Womack and Curtis Mayfield and Sha-na-na and Peter Frampton and Steve Martin and Aerosmith and Earth Wind and Fire and Tina Turner...and the list goes on.

Still, it sucked big ones.

Anonymous said...

I saw a double feature of Sgt. Peppers & The Muppet Movie when I was a kid & that orgy scene freaked me out! I was a huge Beatles fan as a kid but that scene ruined She's So Heavy for me. Admittedly, I can think of worse Beatles songs to have ruined.

-miller

Anonymous said...

"Emotion" was Samantha Sang, on Larry Uttal's Private Stock label, same company that put out the first couple Blondie and Robert Gordon with Link Wray records.

Grwffydd

ex-recordstoregeek

Anonymous said...

Steve Martin as Dr. Maxwell Edison made up for the rest of the movie, especially the ridiculous Elton John/ Lucy in the sky with diamonds part.


Do you have any idea how hard it is to type Dr. Maxwell Edison without typing "majoring in medicine" right after? Really hard.

gbomb

wburg said...

Bee Gees songs are excellent for the "Love = Crack" game, where one replaces the word "love" in song titles with the word "crack."

beckler said...

similar to replacing "you" with "brew" in every song, such as "babe I love brew" or "I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without brew"

wburg said...

GG Allin's "You Hate Me, And I Hate Brew" suddenly becomes a straightedger's lament.

Anonymous said...

"I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about brew now"

-miller

beckler said...

that's true.

Anonymous said...

Brew lights up my life
Brew gives me hope
To carry on
Brew lights up my days
and fills my nights with song

Anonymous said...

I wanna make it with brew.

Jim E

beckler said...

"idea", rockinest bee gees song ever?

beckler said...

You dont know what its like, baby
You dont know what its like

To love somebody
To love somebody
To love somebody
The way I love brew

wburg said...

I don't care about brew
Fuck brew!