Wednesday, January 16, 2008
So, I've still been searching out the perfect, mid-level yoga class for me. I finally decided that the advanced yoga class I'd been taking is too hard and I'm tired of being the only one in the class that can't casually balance all my body weight on one finger. I have contemplated going to Deep Yoga many times, mostly because it's right by my house, but very few of the classes are appealing to me (for instance, one called "body joy dance"). I went to their Kundalini yoga class yesterday, and it was like an hour and fifteen minutes in hell! I should have known that kundalini is all mystical and religious and shit, but I didn't. I was clued in when the teacher showed up wearing a weird flowy white getup and a turban. I should have snuck out while I had the chance. Right when I was setting up my mat, the chef from the Waterboy got there and set up his mat behind me. I know him enough to say "what's up", so I was pretty embarrassed that he was going to be right behind me for the whole time and that I was wearing my saggy-ass yoga pants. Thanks American Apparel. I guess glorified sweats that cost 36 dollars can't be expected to hold their shape. Then the class starts with a bunch of Sanskrit chanting that everybody knows, great. Instead of holding postures for strength or stretching you do a lot of flailing around and holding your breath and crap. To top it all off, my Tom's of Maine was not cutting it, so while I was flailing about I got to stress on the fact that I was stinking up the place, and that Rick Mahan would think I was gross. We would be ordered to flail around and I would try to flail gently so that my b.o. would not spread throughout the room. During the class, the teacher would bust out with pseudo-scientific shit like , "this movement stimulates the pituitary gland" or "you hold childhood trauma in your hips" that I had a hard time not rolling my eyes at. It ended with the whole class singing some bullshit about your life path. The thing that made me mad is that I felt I had basically been tricked into attending a religious service. I did get some good ab work, though. I usually like the mystical shpiel that goes along with yoga, I don't mind visualizing and meditating and even the occasional "om" is pretty fun, but I don't want to be talked to about God and I want some exercise. Deep gives you ten days for ten bucks if you're a starting student, which is one of the best deals in town, but I won't be back.
Posted by beckler at 8:52 AM