more navel gazing

aw man, last night of Bows was EPIC! I miss it already. It was so cool to see OC ride it out with a smile. She knows she's destined for good things.

I stepped down as associate editor of edible. It was a position I created and now I don't imagine anyone else will fill it. (not saying that someone couldn't! just that mags don't need one) There have been a lot of transitions and the new style of workflow isn't working for me. I still want to contribute and I'm not one to burn bridges and I was worried that some of the headbutting was going to do that.

But more than that it reflects a decrease in my passion for writing about food and writing in general. I've been doing this for a long time and I've written about hundreds of places and I've covered all my favorite places pretty extensively. Sure, a new place that I'm excited about opens here and there (like Yang's!) but as I've mentioned before after so many years of not being able to hit up my favorite places I'm pretty excited to just patronize the same handful of my faves. I thoroughly enjoyed Lalo's yesterday but is there a single angle of Lalo's that I and others haven't explored? I would say no. (PS always have to add that I was first on that scene).

Mendick is a good writer and obviously more passionate about exploring "ethnic" stuff than I have been in over a year and his multiracial heritage contributes to the depth of his knowledge as well. His latest missive hurt my tender feelings a bit. I will just be confident and think that when he says "most writers" he is not talking about me. And his point is super well-taken. Although me saying that will maybe hurt other food writer's feelings (those that read). But he is a brash young buck building his name on the tiny scene.

I think trumpeting that Ayah! blog is a little premature but I hope the dude keeps it up. His latest post is on Quan Nem, a place which I also promoted first, which later led to a BAR review. I'm not saying it was a straight line from my writing to his, I think I helped to get it burbling in the zeitgeist. Despite the iron-clad power of the Bee the patrons are still 90% Vietnamese, which I guess is apropos of nothing. Hey that guy says that on the blog, too!

Sorry to make you say "jesus h. Christ becky you are a piece of work" but I am an excellent self-horn-tooter which has worked well for me in my freelancing and my real work. Ya gotta have confidence, and mine has been hard-won over time.

Anyway, thinking a lot about why I write and why it feels forced and has for more time than I realized until recently. One of the things I'm way past deadline for for edible is the back of the house text for the press bistro. I couldn't think of a place to do that with (I did Maalouf's for the last issue) so I settled for a place that is fine, but where I never go, mostly because of the prices. I think it's solid and have had good times there recently. But I have no passion for it so I feel guilty all the time about blowing deadline. Hopefully I will write it this week?

Anyways, sacfoodways is way more my speed and I think last week was not good enough as far as what I contributed and will try to do better this week. I have been working 9 hour days with no breaks at my job.