Thursday, August 19, 2004

Charles Albright, reclusive billionaire

Well readers, you are in for a treat today. I have an exclusive interview with the elusive Charles Albright. Charles first roared into the public consciousness in his early twenties. He is an aviator, inventor, and bon vivant. He amassed a fortune and squired a bevy of starlets around town. In recent years his eccentricities have taken over his life. He now lives in squalor in one boarded-up room in his mansion. He is naked save for a pair of filthy white underwear. His hair is long and matted and his fingernails are yellow claws. He has an overwhelming fear of germs and will only eat food that his servants pass to him swathed in kleenex. Oh wait, this is the intro to my interview with Howard Hughes. Um...yeah, Charles. He's cool too:

Where did you grow up?
Well, I was born here in Sacramento and my family moved to Baltimore Maryland right before I turned 3 in 1982. We moved back to the Sacramento Area (read: Citrus Heights) in 1991. If I’m ever asked I just say I grew up in Baltimore. It sounds more urban.

Why did you move to Sacramento?
My Dad is under the belief that the world is crazy and not he. Basically folks, if you have problems just keep moving around the country and your bound to find a place where you won’t were out your welcome. Wait…

What is your first memory of Sacramento?
Well, it’s actually over by the executive airport on Freeport blvd. My family lived in duplex over there and I remember walking with my dad past the airport. I guess I was 2 years old. I also remember going to that Chucky Cheese that had the plane crash into it in the 80’s. Before the plane crash that is.

Where have you lived in Sac?
Lots of places. Most notability Citrus Heights, North highlands, Oak Park and Land Park.
What is your dream neighborhood?
Well besides Gondor and Rivendale I’d have to say a neighborhood that had grocery stores with in walking distance, nice big bike paths and lots of trees. Wait, where you asking abstractly or my favorite Sacramento neighborhood?

Do you think you will ever move?
Yeah. Kind of. I definitely see my self-traveling. I kind of feel rooted here in Sacramento and I like that. I haven’t had many roots in my life. My parents move around so much I have lost a lot of friends and I don’t feel very connected to my extended family. I also realized when I was EUROPE this past summer that I want to make Sacramento as good as it can be. That’s one thing anyone can do make the world better I feel, focus on there own community.

What bands have you been in?
As of now, and depending on how you count, 15-17. Such bands as Milhouse SMF/USA, Ric and the Young Rogues, The Reaydmades, The Colonels, King Robot, Sir and the Young Men, The Elfs, Rock the Light, The Frenchmen, Thrillhouse, Sunshine Smile, The Knightmares, October Surprise, Christ on Welfare II/Rowsdauer, Van Halen. I also filled in for The Lizards for a show, The Secretions for a few shows and The Four Eyes for a tour.

What’s the best thing about being in a band in Sacramento?
Never practicing, having no place to play, lack of groupies and friends not wanting to pay for anything. Wait…

What’s the worst thing?
Being in bands with the same four people and lack of groupies. Ok, I am just kidding. Being in a band in Sacramento has some great aspects. People know how to have fun here and not take themselves too seriously. How can you REALLY be a hipster here? All the real smart hipsters figure this out after the second person they sleep with and move to Oakland, San Francisco or New York. That said, my friend Vince says, people don’t take themselves seriously at all. I don’t know if I completely agree with him on that but I can see where he is coming from.

What is your favorite Sacramento band?
Right now? Either the Bananas, the Hotel Pistol, Knock Knock or any band I am in. There are so many great bands here though. That’s another plus to our little music community: quality over quantity. Also the mixing of music styles here because there are so few musicians here in Sacramento. I figured out really quickly the lines between indie and punk here are as meaningful as the lines at the Crest Theater concession stand. Sorry, that was a work joke.

How have you seen Sacramento change over the years?
Well, I’d say yes except for the fact that I have changed so much; it is kind of hard to tell how much it really has changed. But I am pretty sure I changed in some way.

What do you think of the dating scene in Sac?
Hmmm, well contrary to Nic Offer’s blasphemous statements a few years back in a nameless national publication, there are lots of smart/hella fine ladies in town. The real problem is how small our town is socially. You can’t even get an HJ with out some dude or chick writing a mediocre pop song about how you suck. Its kind of Bullshit.

Most romantic spot in Sac/place to take a date?
I’d say the River or Land Park. Maybe the Tower Theater tower? I know some chick that used that one on me.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how am I in bed?
****CENSORED******Wait, that was kind of serious for such a silly question. Can I just answer 69 or 88 instead? Why 88? Cuz you get “8” twice! Ha! That joke was told to be by a work friend named Kristie, so I really don’t feel comfortable taking credit for it. But I will!

What’s your favorite restaurant in Sacramento?
Am I legally bound to say Los Horrittos? Café Bernardo, Andy Nguyens or Roma Pizza. I know I am missing something. La Favorita!

Favorite bar?
The Flame Club. End of story! Well, maybe the Hedgecove on a Monday night (Hedge-cove = Pinecove)

Tower or the Crest?
Tower is who gave me my start, but the Crest is my new lady now. Sorry. One-dollar popcorn. That’s all I’m saying.

Ask Joey or R.E. Graswich?
Well, first of all, Ask Joey is definitely not as bad as everyone says. But I will have to go with Grasswich. Only because I have hated his columns since I was in high school and he wrote on the sports beat. I don’t even know why I used to hate him. I like his new column a little better. Hey, what about “Bites” in the SNR? That guy thinks he’s so cool.

Your favorite local celebrity/celebrity sighting-
Well, the only dude I have seen multiple times around is Mark S. Allen. Wait, I have seen KJ twice. I am going to go with that or Danny Offer.

Predictions for the Kings-
The disillusionment of a returned fan and the blame for my disinterest in pro basketball for the foreseeable future.

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