After months of panicky columns about how we better build the arena, like, now, or else, the Bee has finally decided to elicit feedback from its readers. No, not about whether we want a new arena or not, or how it should be paid for (I suspect that they know that most of the responses they would get would be negative), but about what our fantasy arena would be. As if any normal Kings fan or non-King fan is so excited about this arena deal that we sit around fantasizing about how great it's gonna be. Even those fans who are for a new arena know that they're being blackmailed by the Maloofs and the NBA. They're not stupid.
Anyway, fantasy arena...hmmm...How about an underwater fortress defended by genetically engineered, super-smart octopuses that could only be reached by swimming with an escort of superhot mermaids and mermen? And there'd be a special box just for me, with my name on it in big sparkly, no neon, letters. And the Kings would all be my friends (well, not Brad Miller) and we'd just hang out in my box getting stoned and watching episodes of the Chapelle show. And we'd totally bag on Slamson all the time. We'd light flaming bags of poo outside my luxury box and hide and then he'd come and try to stomp it out and get crap all over his fur suit. We'll just laugh and laugh. That would be awesome!
Or here's another one...how about an arena THAT THE PIECE OF SHIT MALOOFS AND THE NBA PAY FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT DEVELOPING WILD LAND WHERE CREATURES ARE LIVING AND WHERE I COULD ACTUALLY AFFORD A FUCKING TICKET TO A GAME A FEW TIMES A SEASON! Well, I guess it doesn't hurt to fantasize but we all know that both of these arena plans have about an equal chance of coming true.
If you'd like to submit your fantasy arena idea, here's the address: firstname.lastname@example.org