Rock it!

Queens of the Stone Age is tonight. I will try to muster up the feeling to rock it. Usually when I try I just end up falling asleep.

P.S.-food review tidbit: The Lucca Burger=overrated. Not one tenth as good as Nationwide and the fries are bunk. Does anyone out there (who has eaten at Nationwide) disagree that they have the best burger in Sac? Bring it!

la hohan

la hohan
Originally uploaded by becklerg.

I simply can't resist posting this.

Lethal homebrew

Fucking hell. No one told me that Leon's home brew is so dangerous. It should carry a warning from the surgeon general. It should be administered by a trained physician. I heard it's in talks to star in Lethal Weapon 6 with Mel Gibson. Add that to a disastrous friday incident involving sake on an empty stomach and this officially marks the first time ever that I'm starting to think about starting to think about starting to try to possibly drink just a little teensy bit less. This can be attributed to a stigmata that raised this morning approximately over where my liver is that spelled out "please stop drinking". That's normal, right?

To stop the groundswell of rumors and the boycott of La Fiesta that's going on right now, I'll clarify on my thursday night food poisoning and say that there are two possible culprits: the burrito of doom and the five or six year old beer that I accidentally drank about five swigs of on thursday.

Johnny sent me this link. I can't figure this out. Someone explain it to me.

Blind item: what local rocker/pretty boy might be moving into a haunted mansion? Indie list guys feel free to jump on me for this one.

Root canal review: so far, a B. Very little pain and it was quicker than a filling. The novocain has not worn off yet, however, and I'm scared. And I can't take tylenol because when I thought about it my liver raised another stigmata that spelled out "Oh God, not tylenol, anything but that."

Stoked

Best fan letter ever!!!!

Burrito of doom

La Fiesta gave me food poisoning! I will spare you the indelicate details, but I feel sick as a dog. As I was eating this burrito last night I was thinking to myself, "in a lifetime of burrito eating, this burrito may just stand out as the best burrito I have ever eaten". It was so good I wanted to tell someone, or hire someone to write it in the sky. My heart was full of love for this burrito, and subsequently, my bowels are totally empty this morning. Or at least you'd think they would be after the night I've had. I mean, God, I didn't even eat that much yesterday. Maybe all those co-op wingnuts were right about junk food being stored in your colon. This experience (the love, followed by the pain) could well be a metaphor for my romantic life lately.


Tonight, Charles is drumming with the Knockoffs in Cesar Chavez plaza. The show starts at 6:00, and the Knockoffs are second. Come out and support our man Charles (who incidentally, is not a liar). I don't know about other fun stuff going on this weekend. I know that J. is having a going away party tomorrow. Other than that, people should fill me in.

On The Y

I didn't think I'd be able to post because allegedly I have a lot of work today, but so far it has not materialized. Lucky readers!

BET had an R. Kelly special that I got suckered into watching. In case you don't know, R. is in the middle of releasing a five part epic song that starts with a lady cheating on her husband with R. and then the husband comes home and R. has to hide in the closet. I guess he's making a movie or a five part video-it wasn't that clear from the special. It started with the video for the first part, which was O.K., but then the rest of the half hour was just the making of the video and it sucked. You get to hear everyone talk about what a genius song this is (not really, it doesn't have a chorus or hook and the story seems pretty standard), and you get to hear everyone from the director to the set designer talk about how great the video is going to be. It's pretty funny to see the set designer seriously discuss the importance of his job when the ladies bedroom looks like a Motel 6. Also the entire video has the production values of an Afterschool Special. It looks like crap but R. thinks he's making Raging Bull or something. R. did say that he's like a scientist of music, and that's why he has to spend so much time in the lab, so that was cool. He also said his new album will be a return to the form of Twelve Play 1 and 2, which I hope is true.

So, I finally checked out On The Y. The comparison with Primos is apt. It has heavy metal posters on the ceiling, and last night at least, the tattooed bartender was wearing a bikini top. It seems like an OK place to watch bands, but I wish it was closer to downtown. If it was a weekend night it would be fun to ride bikes there. I paid five bucks to get in at 9:30 and my heart sank when I saw that no one had started playing yet and that there were 4 bands on the bill. I knew right away this meant that I probably couldn't stay for the A Frames. I know, I sound like an old woman, but I may have to be at work for ten hours today, so I knew I needed a good night's sleep. There were quite a few 9 to 5-ers in the crowd (and at least two teachers who had to get up at the crack of dawn) so I heard other grumbles about the bill. This was a definite bro show, with men outnumbering women at least 2 to 1. It was surprisingly sparsely attended for an A Frames show. Maybe it was because it wasn't downtown, I don't know. Everyone was supposed to play short sets, and Chad and Kevin did, but then Eat the People took a good 40 minutes to set up. They always play really long sets. I'm not sure if last night was an exception, because as the time approached 11:30 and they gave no signs of stopping I decided to leave. I didn't get to see SExxEEXXXEEE Prison or the A Frames. How was it?

flaming lips

flaminglips
Originally uploaded by becklerg.

I am pretty into this old picture of the Flaming Lips. There's a documentary about them called "the Fearless Freaks" but it may only play in NYC. I wish it would come here!

wow

And to think that some downtown ladies have been saying that there are no eligible men around:
http://sacramento.craigslist.org/m4w/74998520.html

ramble on

Why does drinking Rubicon beer ALWAYS result in a headache? Miller, you're like a beer scientist, do you know? I woke up at 3:50 with a vein in my head (we'll call it the Rubicon vein) throbbing and convinced myself that I was having a stroke or a brain hemorrhage until I pinned it on the Rube's hefeweizen. I heard that the Rubicon has been sold recently. I wonder if there will be a push to yuppify it. As I was lazing on the patio last night I was musing how it's one of they only places in this area of town that's not totally yuppied out, which is nice. Of course the flip side to that is that the food isn't very good. I only eat there a few times a year. I tend to like yuppy food but hate yuppies. I want mesclun, goat cheese, and grilled fennel (not together, I'm just thinking of yuppie-style food), but I don't want dudes with Hummers and ladies with Vuitton bags. And since that really isn't a possibility, I hope it just stays the way it is. It's really popular, but it seems like the new owner might figure out that they could charge more for the food if they just fancied it up a little.

There's an A frames show at On The Y tonight, so I will finally get to check out the new Primo's. Whenever I've passed it before I've been intrigued by the "coldest beer in town" sign. They have thrown down the gauntlet with this claim. We'll see, On the Y, we'll see.

It took some searching, but if you want a laugh, here's a link to the Anthony Lane review of Revenge of the Sith from the New Yorker. I don't think I've ever heard a critic go off like this. He uses the word fuck, for fuck's sake!! And not in a quote from the movie, just for emphasis. In the New Yorker!

Search terms, again

I am getting a lot of traffic in the vein of: B. P., real or fake? I'm sorry to tell you people but he's real and he and Joel are in love. Accept it. In that spirit, I'll present some of my latest search terms.

Shot wad
Sacramento gentleman club
Rhymes with six
Jay z ramtha what do we know
David lee roth assless pants photo
Midget prison Herzog
Gladiator women arm wrestling
Tons of hits for whalfin, there’s very little whalfin info on the internet
Loft + rosario dawson
Hotties in their twenties that show titties
Major boner
Mangy looking deer
Homoerotic wrestling
Peter risch little person email
Charles boner (Charles, is that you?)
1 night in paris Hilton benji hooter
this shit is bananas funny
deaf foxy woman pictures (how will you know she’s really deaf?)
swollen lymph nodes
skene’s gland
you fat bastard you ate all the pies you've never seen a salad – lyrics
blowjob Vincent gallo chloe sevigney
gorn costume
ode to the red hat society
haggis restaurant new york
last unicorn
sperm donation hepatitis A
Dude, like what’s up with Kim Basinger’s family?
80’s hair crip
swollen skene’s gland
custom mad mac dre shirts
rip off, homsi
crip and gimp
daniel gordon, jewish, basketball, new york city, blog, comment
Herzog threatens to shoot actor
Wetnwild
Sex library
B. p. sex offender
Hi, Luis! My Hawaiian vacation just ended
Paris benji
No more dick jokes
Lonlyness quotes
What does cunt mean (I imagine some little kid heard this on the bus and came home to search it)
Cracked out
Olsen twins cowboy boots
The archbishop dave smith
Brita boots fuck me standing
B. p. real or fake?
Pictures of dudes
Olsen twins bohemian
Calamari sister
Yoda gets stoned
Brian pep fake

thanks Brian Pepdawg

I'm thisclose to hitting the milestone of having 200 hits to my blog in a day and I don't know why so it's freaking me out. I guess I can thank one Mr. Brian "pepdawg"

For the Homzee only

Here's a new billboard that Neckface improved. If you want to see like 40 pages of neckface, go here:
http://www.fotolog.net/all_photos.html?t=863&p=1&user=neckface

NRBQ alert

Miller and Larry R. and some other guy are hosting an NRBQ show on KDVS tomorrow starting at 2:30. I'll remind you again tomorrow because I care about your listening pleasure.

Brian Pdog is one hot pepper!

You guys are really hitting the old blog up this morning, and I'm not sure why. 44 hits this morning? What's up? I'm getting a bunch of referrals from some site called xeney.com but I can't find where she's linking me. Does someone want to clear this up?

Sweet Connie Champagne pointed out this story from the Sunday Bee about the Greyhound station. It's been clear for a while that it's going to get moved no matter what, and now the owner of the building has a plan for, surprise!, a big skyscraper in its place. Just the other day I was tripping out on how many poor and homeless people are hanging out in that area. But is just shuffling them somewhere else the best we can do? Maybe after the skyscraper is built, and it has tons of empty space because the city has built too much office space we can house the homeless in there.

I've heard that sex offender Brian Peps is a big topic of debate at Tower Theater these days, and that some crank calls are being made by people pretending to be him. Has anyone discovered any new facts about this dude? Is he single?

I ate at Vientiane last night. I think I've reviewed it before, but too bad. It's a Thai/Lao place on West Capitol Blvd. in West Sac. It looks like a dump, and seeing the bathrooms might give you bad ideas about the cleanliness of the kitchen (they just keep repainting the bathroom but it never really looks clean), but I've eaten there lots of times with no bad effects, so just ignore the appearance. I recommend the stuffed chicken wings over all else. It's their specialty, and its something that you don't see on the menu at other Thai restaurants. They take chicken legs and wings and stuff them with spices, jelly noodles, and ground pork. They serve it with a super spicy sauce. All of their chicken curries are good. Their green papaya salad was exceptionally good. It reeked of garlic (as we all did after we ate it), and was very spicy. Actually, it gave me a small rash on my mouth (at least I hope it came from the salad). So if you're prone to mouth rashes, you may want to avoid it. We got all three of these dishes, plus some unremarkable chicken spring rolls, rice, and two thai iced teas, all for thirteen bucks each. Not bad, right?

Brew and I watched "Cries and Whispers" last night. It was her first Bergman film, and it's a rough one. There is a lot of anguished wailing and even some (steel yourself, ladies) vaginal cutting a la "The Piano Teacher" (we were speculating that they stole that from Cries and Whispers-Piano Teacher is from a book, but I think it's a book from the 80's, so Cries and Whispers came first). This movie is harrowing and great. Liv Ullman looks beautiful and as a further testament to her wonderful acting skills, she plays a ditz in this movie and she seems like a ditz, which is in contrast to most of her roles in which she radiates intelligence. I love how he uses the same group of actors over and over, and the husband from "Scenes from a marriage" has a small role. I like that guy. I like Bergman's take on the family, which is if you scratch the surface of a normal family you will find a roiling cauldron of pain and hatred. I can relate to that. Two anguished and emotionally wrenching thumbs up.

Daisy Spot-connect the dot

I am becoming bored with my own prolific blogging, but I'll blog on just for you.

Baby Grand/Daisy Spot show at Old I. Tim W. remembered his inebriated pledge to put me on the guest list, which was greatly appreciated. Baby Grand was in fine form, and the crowd was enthusiastic, if a bit small for such a great line-up. Probably because there were so many other good shows on the same night.

Mike Farell was rocking a look that not many men could pull off (well, not after the year 1969, anyway), a black turtleneck with a large medallion over it. He completed the ensemble with red pants and sunglasses. Tatiana looks lovely as ever, and the bass player (who is also lucky enough to be her husband) is the epitome of the word "smooth". I just can't get enough of the creepy/sweet spell that Daisy Spot can cast when they're at their best. Mike and Tatiana seem like two beautiful, demented siblings as they sing sugary songs about dark subjects. I felt a wave of nostalgia because this show reminded of the first time I saw them, which I believe was at the Guild maybe eight or so years ago. Their songs are so insanely catchy that I could sing you a couple of them right now even though I don't think I've heard them perform them since that night. Enough gushing, I'm embarassing myself (and probably you).

Speaking of someone embarassing themselves, Wolf Eyes and crew were in full effect. I was gonna elaborate on this, but it seemed too mean, and if you were at the show you know what I'm talking about.

Warning: this post contains racial stereotypes

So, as I was saying, I woke up with a sense of accomplishment from having avoided a hangover. This is the only taste of triumph I ever get. I could feel like utter crap, but instead I only have a mild headache and can't move my head quickly, I win! Mike R. Mike called and reminded me that we had made plans to go to Woodland when I was leaving G-Bomb's party. I pretended to remember that. I hadn't really heard much about this Plainfield station KDVS extravaganza, so I was kinda confused about when it was, who was playing, etc., but it sounded fun to chill and watch the knightmares, so I agreed. D.P. and I ended up driving separately, and we both figured the show would be donation, or like three bucks or something, so as we walked up it became the classic joke that we've all heard...So the Jew and the Armenian walk up to the ten dollar show... the Armeniac pulls his patented move of nonchalantly strolling past the door people as if they don't exist. He is quickly pulled over and the Jew attempts to bargain them down using the tactics of 1) dropping my jaw in amazement at the exorbitant price 2) claiming not to have ten dollars (true, I only had eight) 3) saying, "nooo...I'm not a student, but I do work at Davis (door girl didn't care). Then we tag-teamed them and both whined and wheedled that we were only there to watch the Knightmares, who had already started playing, and that we would leave right after. The bad cop door girl was stoic, but the good cop said, "well, if you're only watching the Knightmares, I'll give you the student rate". The Armeniac high-fived me as we went in, but as Jews have slightly more scruples than Armenians, I didn't feel right about what we had done. Miller gave me a hard time about not paying the full price, but I pointed out that Jews don't pay retail. The Knightmares ended all too soon, but they are a perfect outdoors band.

Plainfield station is a great venue, and I hope to see many more shows there in the future, although during the heat of the summer, the shows should hopefully be at night, because it was scorching out on the lawn. Everyone scooched into the small patch of shade. The place serves burgers and such and beer and everyone who works there is really nice. Once again the vibes were off the vibe-o-meter. Various bands played short sets, and we all lazed on the lawn and drank beer, and Conway and I critiqued the youth fashion and checked out the eye candy. There was one guy in particular that called to mind Paul Rudd (who played the sleazy hot guy in both Wet Hot American Summer and Anchorman, if that helps you picture him). He was sort of a semi-pro photographer for the even. He kept calibrating his light meter (I'd like to help him calibrate it sometime). He was wearing aviator glasses and he kept taking off his shirt and putting it back on and posing for the ladies. I spent my time mentally entreating him to take his shirt off and pretending that he was zooming in on me when he would point the camera in my general direction. The best was when he was chatting up some girl and he started rubbing his own chest. I think some bands were playing while all this was happening, not really sure. I was having so much fun I ended up staying for much longer than I had planned, and I gave the door girl my last three bucks on the way out. I heard that Ricky Ely had to sell three hundred admissions to break even and that he was just two short. Good, job! I'll owe him two bucks next time I see him. I hope he plans more events here.

Next...I fall in love with Daisy Spot all over again.

Party of the year?

This post has bonus new jokes added-I thought them up while I was walking to campus. What a weekend. The weekend to end all weekends. The mother of all weekends. The un-weakest weekend ever. The...well you get the idea.

I'm going to serve my weekend wrap-up in bite-sized chunks because I've noticed most of you have ADD and will skim if I write a longer post. There will be no skimming of heckasac!! Would you "skim" War and Peace? Would you "skim" Anna Karenina? Well, probably, I know I did, in fact I usually skim most books looking for the dirty parts, that golden shower scene between Vronsky and Anna is a doozy, and the things they do with caviar, my God, but nevertheless, that's no reason to skim my blog.

Friday night-G-Bomb's birthday-I'm going to be bold and say party of the year-so far. This party was nothing but good vibes. Everyone's chakras were aligned, our collective chi was flowing like a river and my third eye was wide open. This was probably due to the presence of a keg. I know the dangers of keg beer as far as I'm concerned, so I bought myself a tiny bottle of Hennessey, instead. G-Bombs apartment is very cool and with the backyard and the large front room it's a perfect party pad. The Bananas ripped it up. There were chants, including "Mario", "Bullshit", "that's not a chant" and "now that's a chant". There may have been other chants, I can't remember. After the Bananas, my energy was flagging and I took to randomly slurring to people that would walk up to me "I want to go home". A charming conversation starter. I chose to remedy this by getting hecka stoned, which didn't wake me up at all but did make me giggle uncontrollably without provocation. There was a pinata. Other stuff went on...memory blurry. The djing began, with Tristan and Jason spinning soul classics. A good indication of when I'm drunk is if I'm dancing and I start to think that I'm a good dancer. I try to remember this, so when it happens, the tiny remaining sober part of my brain (probably located in the thalamus), can relay a message, "no, you're not a good dancer, and that helicopter "move" you're doing right now is something you'll torture yourself with embarassement about tomorrow". This time, the drunk part of my brain started to say, "you're a good dancer, bust any move you want", the sober part valiantly struggled to say "abort, abort", but then the stoned part just started laughing at the whole exchange and the ridiculous flailing continued. I didn't stay too late, but I heard the party continued for a while, and that there was some psuedo-Sapphic tongue wrasslin' later in the night. Hott! Hope G-Bombs apartment is OK. If not, her new puppy can probably console her.

I woke up the next morning with minimal hangover and the elation that I feel from having dodged the hangover bullet. Then, I got a call from Mike Banana....stay tuned for the next thrilling installment of...DRUNK WEEKEND IN SAC

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Boss said I can go home early. Later, dudes!!!!!!!!!

Mildly amusing post for Scott

Ungh! Out Hud, the Gold Chains, and Tussle?!??!!!???!! (keep alternating exclamation points and question marks to infinity) Out Hud deserves way way way way (keep going for a million ways) better than that.

That's cool that Brian Jonestown Massacre really is playing at Old I in July, though. I will be one of the fairweather fans who is just there because of the movie. I wish it was on my birthday since I have no birthday ideas. On second thought, most of my friends probably won't want to go to that show so nevermind.

In other BJM news that will probably only amuse me and Margaux (and maybe Jenny), the three of us made it all the way through Dig! before I remarked that the tambourine/maracas/entertaining/annoying guy Joel Gion looked really familiar. We all laughed and it seemed all three of us had been thinking that, I said "we've probably seen him at the Phone Booth or something". Turns out he works at Amoeba on Haight. Researching this led me to this mildly amusing jibe from Anton Newcombe. Whaddya want from me? Mildly amusing is the best I can do on a friday afternoon.

What's yer class?

Here's another fun little toy. It goes along with that NY Times series on class that I was talking about. It helps you figure out your class in relation to the rest of the country. Only my bachelor's degree saved me from scoring pretty damn low (mostly because I have absolutely no personal wealth-no house, no car, little savings, no investments, etc.). My degree put me at the 49% percentile for the country. So I guess I'm firmly in the middle class.

Shows galore

So, there's some fun stuff going on tonight and tomorrow. Tonight is G-bomb's bday with a certain local band that's named after fruit (no, not the kumquats-or the starfruit-see there could be another star name that would be good). Tomorrow there are a million shows and it's making it tough for everyone to just choose one. I am choosing the Baby Grand, Daisy Spot show at Old I because I haven't seen Daisy Spot in years. Dad's sandwich shop is having its weird "Boil and Fry" festival, where you pay 20 bucks for all this fried food and unlimited drinks. Rock the Light is playing at that, and playing their CD release show later that night at the Distillery with the Knightmares.

wha? another post?

Someone has finally written the prototypical MC post. So, so vague. I know, it's unbelievable how many boring posts I have written today. I'll clue you in-my boss isn't here today. Subsequently, neither is anyone else.

Time waster

This is so fun!!! I stole the link from one of SITNNY's smarty-pants friends. It guessed I was thinking of uvula in less than twenty seconds.

Sad

A dressed-up Sacramento Star Wars fan asks why?

Thanks for the stain

This is a funny MC (it's more like a rave, but it's in the MCs) read it carefully and look for the part where he talks about "the stain"

Reviews

I finally finished The Adventures of Augie March!!! This is one long fucking book. And it is one great fucking book. I recommend this book to anyone who likes good books, humans, or eagles. If you don't like any of these things, stay away. This book is bursting with life. It's like you can see it breathing and twitching and sweating when you put it down. It has the most fully realized characters I've ever read. The Grandma Lausch character is a force of nature. I lost steam in the last couple of hundred pages, but that's OK. Even if you only read the first three hundred (which fly by) you have read a great book. And, in a habit ingrained in my by my mother, I must point out, written by a Jew!

Also recommended, although not nearly as highly, is the movie Assault on Precinct 13. A must for John Carpenter fans only. The music he writes for his movies cracks me up every time. In particular in this movie during the suspenseful parts he just holds one piercing note on the synthesizer until you think you will lose your mind. There's a part where a character starts whistling and we were joking about how funny it would be if he whistled a John Carpenter "tune". This movie made me realize that John Carpenter knows when he is being funny. I don't want to give away the part that made me realize it, but it involves a game of "one potato, two potato" to decide who will take on a dangerous task. I guess I did just give it away. This makes me think that the interminable fight scene in "They Live" may be an intentional joke. Another thing to note, there is a foxy seventies chick who strongly gives the impression of a young Jerri Blank (from strangers with candy). She is wearing a hideously unflattering outfit that involves a PEACH SWEATER WITH A BELT AROUND THE WAIST. It's a total Jerri Blank outfit and she has Jerri Blank feathered hair, too. This makes her scenes funnier.

I took Grace to Moxie last night for her birthday. Have you forgotten about Moxie? Don't forget about Moxie, it's good. They had a million specials, which is kind of their thing. We ordered a special appetizer, which was shitaki mushrooms stuffed with chicken and covered in phyllo dough. I think feta was involved, too. I was starving, so the first few bites were delicious, but I almost immediately realized that somehow this combo of flavors made the appetizer taste exactly like a chicken corn dog. That was kind of an unpleasant realization. The bread they give you is great. They offer all their wines by the glass, from a list of about 20. It looks like they charge a standard 8 bucks for a glass, but I could be wrong about that. It is nice that they have so many wines by the glass, but a cheaper house wine would be good. I got an Abundance Pinot Noir from Sonoma and I liked it. A lot of the menu items and specials sounded good, but I had planned on the meatloaf so I stuck with that. Grace got the jambalaya, also a normal menu item. The portions here are enormous, so if you want to have a meal that feels really fancy without being too pricy, you should come here and just order entrees. You don't really need a salad or appetizers to be full. And if you frontload on wine before you get there (come to think of it, I didn't ask about their corkage fee, but that could be the way to go) you will have an economical yet romantic dinner. I know there was a lot of romance in the air between me and Grace, but it was probably just the lighting. The meatload (ha ha that's a typo but I'm leaving it in) is 13 bucks and it's really about three pieces of meatloaf, with horseradish mashed potatoes, carrots and squash, asparagus, and a little bit of pickled red cabbage that's delicious. The meatloaf is so tender and juicy, I wish I knew the recipe. Grace's jambalaya was spicy and flavorful. It was mostly giant chunks of chicken and sausage, with very little shrimp or rice. It could have used more rice. It was way better than the gumbo at Celestins (I know that gumbo and jambalaya are different, but they are mixed up in my mind). There was enough for at least two meals. Try this place sometime if you haven't. The owners are nice and chatty. There's a Moxie jr. way down on H street that I'm intrigued by. Has anyone been there?

Pics

Here's a picture of Courtney at LCD. Go here for more pictures from this show.

What does this mean?

The Sac Craigslist rants and raves is blowing up with a pro and anti-Jackie Green debate. This however, is maybe the creepiest listing of all time: http://sacramento.craigslist.org/rnr/74092280.html

Help me out

Here's another erudite post on the undietacos:

try getting your friends to show up on time buddy and then complain. but even then you can't complain cause it was pretty much a free show and whoever throws the show can let whomever they want in. also, just because someone is dressed a certain way doesn't mean that they are elitist and "indie than thou." it just means they're gay. if someone wants to squeeze into some jeans and it they feel good about it then fine. my balls aren't complaining.

OK, I'll stop posting about this now. I'm just bored and I've already read the NY Times today and I can't think of anything else to read. Does anyone have any suggestions outside of the normal Gawker/Defamer, etc.?

LCD fallout continues

In case you haven't been following the tempest in a teacup about the LCD show over at Undietacos (how I hate typing or saying that), here is a typical post.

"OH NO, THE BIG BAD INVISIBLE HIPSTER IS KEEPING ALL THE "NORMAL" PEOPLE OUT OF THE GOOD SHOWS AGAIN WITH HIS MAGICAL TIGHT PANTS AND OTHER MYSTICAL FASHIONS!"UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH....EXXUVSE MEE, HAVE YOU SEEN PREDATOR 2??? LIKE....EVRR?!?!!?!?!? THIAT WAS A DOCUDRAZMA THAT HAPPEND IN REAL TIME, YOU SHOULD WATCH IT SOMETME.OMG, EVERYONE PLEEEEEEASE CHILL OUT. THERE IS SO MUCH FUNN RIGHT NOW THAT ALL OF YOU LOOK LIKE A GIANT BABIE PUSSY FOR CRIING ABOUT IT SO MUCH. PEAPLE CRYING ABOUT NOT GETTING IN: MAYBE INSTEAD OF BUMMING OUT PM PEOPLE LIKE JAY WHO ARE SELFLESS 7-11, YOU SHOULD MAKE SOME REAL CANCUN STYLE FUN HAPPEN YOURSELFES INSTEAD OF JUST BING SOMME DUM BABY AND CRYING ABOUT ALL PANTS YOU ARE TOO FAT TO WEAR.PEALPLE CRYING ABOUT PEAOPL CRYING ABOUT NOT GETTING IN: I WOV U, BUT WTF OMG PLEAS TELL ME YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY UPZET AQOUT THIS CRAP BECAUSE I AM NOT GOIGN TO HUG YOU OR ANYTHIGN YOU WIMPZ. LOL.DUSTIN

And they say America's public school system is failing. Oh, I meant to say AND THEYY SAYS TAHT AMIRIKAAS PUBLID SKOOHL SYSTEM IS FGIALLLING!!????!!! I don't know who this dude is, and I'm sure he just wrote this way to make a point (although the point is not very clear), I'm just printing it for those of you who haven't followed the link but may be a little interested. So please don't bring all this bad grammar and vitriole to my comments.

House of Heckasac

Me and Homsi tried the Torta Ahogada at La Fiesta (which I believe had been recommended to me) and it was kind of a dud. It's got the regular torta bread, but the only filling is pork (and a little bit of refried beans) and it's got a mild red sauce poured all over it to make it nice and soggy. The pork was good, but I missed the cheese and avocado and stuff. Skip it and order a BBQ chicken torta instead. That's the bomb.

H. didn't seem to like the M.I.A. record as much as I did. Oh well, his people's music mostly consists of high-pitched wailing interspersed with disco. The two of us, Heckamax, and the Donger had a little listening party in my room last night where I spun some John Cale, Kate Bush, Nilsson, and Cheap Trick and we tested out some high-grade weed that has been making the rounds at my house. The more pot you smoke, the better Kate Bush sounds, and she already sounds good to start with. Then we went to see "House of Wax". Pretty bad, but it's redeemed by the last 10 minutes which look really cool. It was decidedly not redeemed by the presence of Paris. She was terrible (of course she was) and she didn't even say "that's hot" and her hair extensions looked like white ropes. Later, me and D.P. thought of other possible movies in the "house" theme like:
House of Tacks-sharp pokey tacks everywhere for you to step on and sit on
House of Whacks-people hitting you with rolled-up newspapers
House of Tact-no one will tell you that your fly is open and you have a booger on your face
House of Tax-everything you do you're taxed heavily for (a horror film for Republicans)
Were we stoned? Yes we were.

They D.A. has decided not to charge anyone in the death of that guy at Arco.http://www.sacbee.com/content/news/story/12911138p-13759538c.html
I guess he was wasted and he also had opiates in his system, and some kind of morphine pill in his car. His family says it's bullshit and wants to sue, but everyone, even his friend, is backing up that he provoked the whole thing. Griego Erwin's stuff about him fucking with people during the King's game seemed to check out, so maybe that's not what she lied about.

Here's a choice quote for Heckamax that was in a front page (!-isn't there any real news) story today in the Bee about the new Star Wars movie

"I was 12 the first time I saw 'Star Wars' - I still remember being amazed by the effects," Leyden said. "But growing up in Yuba City, I could also relate to Luke (Skywalker) as a small-town kid battling the evils of the world."

LCD gossip

Word on the street is that Beck and-get this-Courtney Love were at the LCD show in L.A. (not together). Maybe Tyler will have a kerazy Courtney story to tell. I guess M.I.A.'s dj was selling mix cds, too. I have to get my hands on one of those.

The C word (no, not cunt)-Class

Things are getting really ugly over at undietacos. As I discovered yesterday, tempers are running high about this show. Only two people on the thread used their names, everyone else is just going off anonymously.

The New York Times has announced that they're doing a series of articles over three weeks about class in America. They one they had up yesterday was excellent. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/16/national/class/HEALTH-FINAL.html It tracks three people of upper, middle, and lower classes who had heart attacks.
I am stoked that they're doing this. Talking about class is taboo in America, and I'm glad that such a high-profile media source is going to start some discussion.

Griego Erwin in disgrace

The Bee has had only one more piece that I could find on the resignation of sappy columnist Diana Griego Erwin. I still want to know which columns she was faking. I wonder if they are going to print any corrections. I have my suspicions about this one. It seems pretty sensational. A scare story about a middle class teen getting into cutting and getting raped because of her involvement with sick internet sites, and with "all names changed" of course. There were numerous letters to the paper both for and against Erwin, here's an amusing one:

Re "Diana Griego Erwin resigns amid internal inquiry into her columns," May 12: More than several months ago, you dropped several great cartoons (Hagar, Grimm). Then The Bee goofs up the Sunday Forum format. Now, The Bee has ousted Diana Griego Erwin, the best writer on the paper's staff! The only plus left for The Bee is that it is still on the side of Democrats. (Aren't you?)Erwin was a splendid columnist. If her columns weren't quite authentic, they were still far more interesting, entertaining and colorful than anything else offered in The Bee.
Do Bee subscribers a huge favor and bring back Diana!
OAS_AD('Button20');

- Walt Purdy, Roseville

A Hagar lover who really just wants interesting and colorful fiction in his daily paper. If he wants fiction he should just switch to the New York Post. Or watch Fox News.

What does Graswich have to say about all this?

MMB is bananas

The Marriage of Maria Braun is crazy good. If you don't believe me, read the Great Movies essay on Ebert's site. Or read this interview with Fassbinder's friend if you want to know more about this weird dude.

I'd just like to take a minute here to talk about how Netflix has changed my life. I'm misting up a little bit here, but I'll try to write through the tears. I'm finally able to watch movies that I have wanted to see for years and years but was unable to because I live in Sac and there has NEVER been any good video store in Sac. Oh sure, Cinemania was around for a while, and they tried, but their selection was really sparse. I would visit other towns and cities and trip on the video stores there, but it's not like you want to rent videos on vacation. Even tiny Bellingham had two video stores that were far superior to anything we have. Sure, before Tower started selling off their foreign collection of video tapes (which has been decimated and has not been replaced with DVDs because they only have space in the store for new releases and whatever crappy TV show comes out on DVD-who are these people who watch Mork and Mindy episodes on DVD?) they had a pretty good foreign selection, but I would usually head for the new releases in the store because I was so conditioned to do so. Or my mind would go blank on movies on had been wanting to see. Enough about this. I'll just say: Netflix I love you.

Now if only there was some online service where I could order a good bar to hang out at with my friends. That doesn't make much sense, but you know what I mean.

I saw Crash at Tower last night and it's not so bad. Jenny already told me that she didn't like it, so it might be one of those things where my expectations were so low that I was pleasantly surprised, but if you can see it for free, give it a go. There are definitely quite a few cringe-worthy moments, but Cheadle and, to a lesser extent, Matt Dillon, shine through the pap.

L. Lo cracked out

These pictures are courtesy of Pink is the New Blog. Ignore the Kelly Clarkson one up top and focus on how fucked up L. Lo looks. Or maybe it's too small so you can just go to the blog and peep it. It takes forever to load, though.

L. Lo

lindsay-richandfamous12
Originally uploaded by becklerg.

In response to Grace's request for some photos of how bad L. Lo looks right now here's one. We were debating (for the nth time) whether the boobs are real and whether their disappearance along with the weight loss proves that they're not.

love is monkey see, monkey do

I suspect one of the Stoney Bros must have had something to do with this MC

Kinski quotes

herzobkinski
Originally uploaded by becklerg.

The autobiography is a must for any Herzog/Kinski fan. Here are some choice quotes:

On a street in Paris, a dog eyes me, and I can't help crying. What did I do to this dog? Or rather, what did it do to me, compelling me to cry? I also have to cry when I see people, objects. I'm pained by the sight of anything I look at. By anything I hear, by anything I think, feel.

The German government writes me that it has awarded me the supreme distinction for an actor: the Gold Film Ribbon. What gall! Who gave those shitheads the right to award me anything? Did it never occur to them that there might be somebody who doesn't want their shit? What filthy arrogance towards me-me, of all people! What does this prize mean anyway? Is it a reward? For what? For my pains, sufferings, despair, tears? A prize for every hell, every dying, every resurrection? Prizes for death and life? Prizes for passion, for hate and love? And how did you shitheads intend to hand me the prize? As a gift? As a favor, like those tasteless hosts that the pope distributes like fast food? I'll kick you! Or do I come submissive, whimpering? I'll kick you again! And there's not even a check. It's outrageous!

Here's from a passage where he talks about his creative process as an actor:

All living and dying, all vibrations pass through me. The entire universe pours into me, rages in me, rampages through me and over me. Annihilates me. It rules me, commands me, envelops me, threatens me, and waits for me everywhere and all the time. It sucks me up, sucks me dry, grows through me. It's in my spinal marrow. In my brain mass. In my blood. In my bones. My muscles. Guts. Genitals. Sperm. Flesh. Eyes. Hearing ....

Well, you get the idea. Couple this with page after page of absolute pornography, outrageous lies, and insults for Herzog's lack of talent and you have an entertaining read.

uncontroversial post (hopefully)

I'll try to get this post off quick because I have missed some work lately and I need to get busy. So by now everybody knows that the secret show on friday was LCD Soundsystem at the Fool's Foundation. There was a pre-show BBQ at the Gentleman's club. I didn't attend either, because just between you and me, my parents are trying to drive me crazy. And I am crazy. Crazy like a fox. So my friday night consisted of:
a) crying
b) eating freezer-burned rocky road ice cream in bed (fuck you, bitch store!-anyone who has lived in my hood knows what the bitch store is, even though it's a misnomer cuz the lady is really nice if a bit reserved, but watch out for their ice cream!)
c) getting stoned
d) watching movies
e) taking tylenol with codeine (it's prescribed)
f) falling asleep at 9:30

I know, it sounds fun. I heard the show was really good, although I heard the drummer the next night saying that it felt like they were playing at a teen center. addendum-he also said it was fun. and he said none of this in a snotty way.

Anyways, I didn't mind missing that show so much because I had tix for the sold-out show the next night at the Fillmore, LCD and M.I.A. Spent the day in SF watching the fog roll in even though it had been a beautiful summer day in Sac. The fog made my bangs curl, which puts me in a pretty bad mood, but I bravely soldiered on. We rolled into Amoeba just as M.I.A. was ending her free show, which we didn't know about. The place seemed more packed than I have seen it for other in-stores. They played the album and it sounded great. I ended up buying it at Tonevendor and I love it. Pick up a copy, she's gonna be huge. I heard that she just met with Missy about a possible collabo. That would be a great match.

I got to watch the show from backstage at the Fillmore, which is definitely the best spot. You're right above and to the side of the stage. M.I.A.'s dj (who is also her bf, apparently) got the crowd warmed up with some great dancehall and hip hop. M.I.A. had a video screen set up, and for her entrance the dj started pumping out some crazy bass and she started playing a video clip of Bush and Tony Blair. Bush kept saying "M.I.A." while Blair stammered. Then she bounded out on the stage, cute as a button, with a glittery coordinated outfit and big white Reeboks. She has a back-up singer (Cherry) and they both do the best dances. She was fucking great. She rocked the house. Her DJ kept mixing in beats from popular songs, everything from "Freak A Leek" to "I like big butts". The crowd went crazy.

LCD was great, too, although not quite as good as when I saw them with Out Hud, but maybe that was because I didn't go down in the crowd and dance, so it didn't seem as exciting. The crowd loved them, too. They opened with "Beat Connection" (a song I never get sick of) and closed with their Nilsson cover. James Murphy is paunchy and cute like a big bear.

Our after party with DJ Harvey turned out to be a major dud. Lame.

The next day me and Brew went to Pin A Go Go. Once again, it has been proven that sunday is a crappy day to go. Everyone starts to cart away their games way early! No Guns and Roses game and the Sopranos game was constantly busy. There were loads of pinball nerds, including one guy who hovered over my shoulder (which is the worst thing about Pin A Go Go) only to take numerous digital photos of the interior of the game, and a guy wearing the combo of kilt with Hawaiian shirt!!!!!!!

Later, I hope to post some choice quotes from the Kinsky autobio.

Never mind

Sorry if I offended anyone or got my facts wrong. I feel like Christian Kiefer over here, jeez! I related a couple of tidbits I heard third hand and it was dumb. Congrats to everyone who got LCD to come to Sac. I heard it was a good show.

BJM?

It seems that the Brian Jonestown Massacre may be playing at Old I on July 16th but I can't confirm cuz it's not on the online calendar. I just watched "Dig" last night and I highly recommend it to everyone. Hilarious. Now I will have to go see the band.

aura condos?

I'm a little late on this (I was outta town!) but uneasy rheoric blog has been heating up from a post about yet another luxury condo tower idea designed by uber-putz Daniel Liebskind. Here's the website: http://www.auracondos.com/ Believe it or plotz, as my mom says. Here's the uneasy rhetoric post that sparked the controversey: http://www.uneasyrhetoric.net/2005/04/29/manhattan-the-pearl-and-penis-envy/#comments

new slang

James Murphy just coined a new slang! Or new to me, anyways. In his sorta boring, too-long thing in Pitchfork today, he's revealing how little he knows about hip-hop (he cites early N.E.R.D. stuff as groundbreaking. Barph.-Look, I just made that up, it's like the hip hop "barf")) and he's talking about Ludacris, and he says, "it's great, it's party". "It's party". I like that. That's my new phrase. Don't try to use it! It could be the new "that's hot" now that Paris is all played out. I'll say it in the same bored way she says "that's hot".

I'm not bagging on him, though. I think he's interesting and honest. I like to read his ramblings.

New David Banner

If anyone cares, the new David Banner song (Play) sounds awesome. I love this guy and I'll be stoked if his new album is a hit. He sponsored a scholarship contest for his last album. He seems like a rad person. Anyway, download it here

hella shit to do

The first Sacramento city vision plan meeting is this upcoming monday. For more info, go to http://www.sacgp.org/. It's from 600-830. Anyone who is planning to live in Sac for a while should try to go and be prepared to be assertive and speak out. There are 14 meetings planned for phase I of this project, and some of them are downtown, so check out the website and try to go to one or two.

There are a bewildering array of activities coming up in Sac. I feel stressed trying to pack them all in, but they're all fun so I guess I shouldn't stress. The Clunie center book sale is going on right now. It's in McKinley park. It's going today thru sunday and thankfully it's open until 8:00. I'm going to try to stop by tonight. There is a show tonight at on the Y. I have been wanting to see Gift of Goats so I may go. Has anyone seen them? What do you think? Tomorrow is a secret show that is probably no secret to most people. I think it may be too crazy and/or get shut down. We'll see. This weekend (starting friday) is the Pin A Go Go in Dixon. If you've never been but you like pinball (and who doesn't like pinball?) I urge you to attend.

Escandalo!

Warm fuzzy columnist Dianna Griego Erwin has resigned from the Bee under a cloud of suspicion. It appears that she has been fabricating sources for her column. She claims she isn't guilty and that her name will be cleared but has resigned anyway.

This isn't the first time the Bee has had problems like this. Does anyone remember the TV columnist (I can't remember his name) who quit or was fired amid charges or plagiarism, and then was later rehired and did it again? That was crazy. He seemed to be having crazy personal problems and claimed that the stress drove him to plagiarize Steven King, among others.

I'm busy (we're submitting our abstract for the neuroscience meeting today, yay!) but I'll try to blog later.

P.S.

Oh, P.S., thanks so much to Alicia and Johnny and Nick and Meeka and Pheebo for showing us such a good time. Why do I live in Sac again? Oh yeah, cheap rent. J.K., I still love it in Sac. Most of the time.

Fashion trends

Are you wondering what the new Williamsburg/hipster trend is in New York? I can't think of any name for it besides "looking like shit". I know, that's not very clever. It probably won't catch on as a name for the look. There used to be a time not so long ago when I would go to NY and see all the beautiful girls on the L and be totally intimidated. Sure, some of them would be over the top and wearing shit that I would never even try to rock, but a lot of them looked really cool and fashionable. Now, I look around and just think everyone just looks like shit and that I'm comparably well-dressed. Everyone has nasty, unflattering, ratty haircuts. I saw acid wash, I saw overpriced vintage rock shirts (people are STILL wearing this dumb shit). I saw lots of girls in those hideous high heeled, calf-length 80's boots that give everyone cankles. Everyone is STILL wearing cowboy boots. I like cowboy boots, but I DO NOT like them with LEGGINGS (yuck, black leggings that end at the calf), and I do not like brown cowboy boots with black outfits. I don't think that matches. I saw this girl at Sway who seemed to think she was the shit in a baggy, ratty belted white dress, black leggings, and brown cowboy boots. She looked like the third Olsen twin. Are the Olsen twins really hipster icons? Aren't people embarassed to be trying to dress like girls who used to be on Full House? The only new trend I spotted was unitards. I guess bodysuit might be the more accurate description, but you can shorten the word unitard down to 'tard. I saw a girl wearing a black one of these, uh, garments with brown cowboy boots. Hideous.

hubba hubba

candis
Originally uploaded by becklerg.

I am suffering from blogging paralysis because there are too many things I could blog. I will just tell you about the fabulous show that we saw on our last night in NY. This is Alicia's cousin Candis Cayne. She has a great act that includes singing, dancing, comedy, and turning everyone on. Or me at least. She smells good and I got to touch her back when I posed for a photo. I am guessing that in the photo she will look fabulous and I will look like a dork.

New York: City of Meat

Celebrity sighting for the night: Chloe Sevigney (there are no umlauts on this keyboard so I can't spell it right). Ho hum. Now that I'm a jaded New Yorker it's no big deal. She was sizing me up and I had this minor fantasy that she would say, "cool tights" cuz they are really cool but what she probably was really thinking was, "Frye boots are so last year". She had on a sort of hippie boho thing and platinum blonde hair. We saw her at Sway tonight for the Smiths/Morrissey night and we figured she'd be there. Me and Grace and Johnny were talking about how it's really not that much different from Lipstick, which is simultaneously reassuring/disappointing. I asked a guy to dance, it was more of a charity offer really because he looked a little dorky and was singing along and he said no and then five minutes later I figured out that he was gay (took off his hoodie and was wearing a Klaus Nomi t-shirt, might as well be wearing a shirt made out of a rainbow flag) so I'm sure that's why he turned me down.

So anyway, I've eaten SO MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF MEATS since I've been there, which is more exciting than any celebrity sighting. Here's a list


MEATS

sirloin
beef/pork (in a stuffed cabbage at Veselka Ukrianian restaurant)
scallop
rabbit
foie gras
oyster on the half shell
lamb
skate
char
swordfish
mussels
escargot
filet mignon (carpaccio)
tuna
kielbasa
proscuitto
salmon


Keep in mind, I have eaten all these meats in THREE DAYS. Who knows what I will eat tomorrow, I hear there's a hip haggis restaurant on the lower east side. Out of this list, the meats I was trying for the first time were: oysters on the half shell (I'm in love and will probably be marrying an oyster soon), rabbit (tastes like chicken), foie gras (not livery enough), char, and skate. I will try to post more complete restaurant reviews later. I'll be back soon to lighten up your dreary workaday lives.

Johnny sez he's on fire.

Ode To Jay

Whether he's running a tight ship at the Tower or laying down a loose groove behind the Four Eyes (or is it the other way around?), there's one thing for sure.......

Psyche! This isn't about my old friend Jay Baker, it's about my old friend Jay Street!! I've lived on good ol' J St for around 6 years now but I'm moving at the end of this month & I've started to have some serious separation anxiety. (Wait, this is Miller by the way - Becky's busy in NYC trying to spot someone more impressive than Kim Gordon. Sorry Becks, it Vincent Gallo or nothing!). But back to Sac, I'm sitting here in my room on a rainy Sunday doing the J St. Waltz, which entails having everything you could ever want & never leaving a 2 block radius. I got coffee at the shitty 'Bucks, pizza from Pizza Guys (sorry Sidewalk, I really want to like you - maybe I just had too much fun playing video games there as a kid but it's always anti-climactic when I go there so I stopped) & some overpriced brew from Jay St Liquor. I was gonna get a haircut from one of the 3 hair places on the block but they were all closed. I've never been to any of them but I've promised myself that this month, I'm gonna go to every business around my apartment that I can stand to go to. One last J St. hurrah. I'm already blowing it a little since I impatiently hacked at my hair myself an hour ago. Regardless, I definitely would not have gone to the weird salon by Pizza Guys (Hair On J? I think that's what it's called). That place isn't down with J St - when I look in the window, I see stylists & customers that can't wait to get off the block. I bet it moved from P Street - fuck them. It would've been a toss up between Eddy's Deluxe Haircuts which is the rockabilly place & Associates Hair Design whose sign, when you stand in a particular spot in our front room, looks like it says Ass Hair. I would've probably picked Ass Hair (that should be good for a blog hit!) just to make Vann laugh but Eddy's probably would've given me a better haircut. Actually, since my hair was getting a little long, I could've gone to Eddy's, gotten a professional pompadour, gone to Bill Smith Photography across the street & posed for a nice portrait with a stand-up bass next to an old car, then gone to Ass Hair & gotten it chopped off. That would've been, like, a cool $100 though. Yesterday I went to the Subway across the street to remind myself that Subway sandwiches taste like mustardy air. I won't miss the Subway all that much though there's always a stream of ladies going in & out which rules. Same with the Starbucks - ladies love Subway & the 'Bucks. Right about now, you're thinking "big deal, half of your neighborhood businesses are chains" but I've looked at them for so long that I don't see them that way anymore! Plus, mostly the same people have worked at all these places the whole time I've lived here. Now KFC I've never warmed to. It's still just shitty KFC. It hasn't counted since Patrone moved out of the neighborhood. Looking out the window & seeing Patrone coming out of KFC was the best. And I did have a brief love affair with the Twister but it sisn't end up working out. Oh, and I liked it when a guy named Jerry Garcia was the KFC manager, and how when the Duke Boys moved from Tennessee & stayed at our house they ate there all the time - that was really charming. I was secretly happy for Jaimie when they didn't hire him though. Another place I didn't frequent was J St Donuts (you may be noticing a business-naming pattern here!) because, even though they get their donuts from Marie's, I'm just not that mad for donuts. BUT, one day I looked out & saw they had a new sign out on the sidewalk that said "BAGELS" and one thing I am mad for is bagels (except for crappy Noah's - that's just round bread). Of course the first thing I thought was that the J Street Waltz just got a new step!! Cuz those 'Bucks "water bagels" just don't cut it. What the fuck kind of made up to appeal to yuppies name is "water bagel". "Oh honey, this tastes straight out of the Brita!!". The closest OK bagels were at Safeway (which is part of the Alhambra Tango & thus can't be a part of the J St. Waltz). So the next morning I went over to the donut shop & ordered a bagel but the family that owned just kinda looked at each other & finally the kid went in to the back & came out with a plain bagel that was clearly days old & hard as a rock. I like to think it was the sample bagel that whoever tried to talk them in to selling bagels brought in. They never ended up carrying bagels but they always put the sign out front anyway. Recently this crazy old guy named Larry bought the donut shop (would you belive it's called Larry's Donuts now? Come on Larry!! How about "Larry's Donuts ON J STREET"!!). Larry's hilarious. First, he made business cards that say "Larry's Donuts and Bagels" & then promptly crossed out the words "And Bagels" with a ball-point pen. Maz put on on our fridge & for weeks I thought he had crossed it out as a joke since it always drives me nuts that the 'Bagels' sign is still always on the sidewalk bu no, he got it from Larry. Until a few days ago my relationship with Larry was long-distance. Most any time you looked out the front window, he was either hanging out in the middle of the street smoking or bugging the guys at Jay St Liquor. He's one of those guys you look at & instantly you make up a bunch of stories about their life. The other day, this guy I work with who knows where I live said "Hey, you ever go to Larry's Donuts?". Sort of concealing that I thought this was the best question ever, I told him no. The guy went on to tell me that Larry makes his own ham & cheese croissants & that they're really good. "But the best part", he tells me, "is how proud of them he is". Apparently Larry writes down every time he sells one & has a running tally up on the menu board on the wall. I had to go get one if for no other reason than to be part of that total but also, ham & cheese croissants definitely aren't the worst things in the world. When I went in, Larry was bending the ear of some poor guy who looked pretty happy to see someone come in & relieve him from Larry duty. Larry was talking about how he gave up drinking years ago but he just can't give up smoking no matter how hard he tries. The guy said "well, I guess if you have to give up one, it might as well be alcohol". Larry chimes in with "Well I had to give up liquor - I couldn't carry a gun anymore! See, I like shooting a gun but when I was drinking, I'd shoot everything in sight!". Then it was my turn & I said "A ham & cheese croissant please!". Really serious, Larry says: "Sorry, that guy just bought the last two". Then, when he sees that I foolishly believe him he starts laughing & says "No, I got a bunch!" in a way that suggested that it would be inconceivable for him to ever run out. He put it in the oven & went over to a piece of paper & immortalized the sale in his tally book. I looked up at the board & sure enough, there, under :"Ham & Cheese Croissants - $3", was the total amount sold - which was 1698!! He's only had the donut store for 6 months! Is it humanly possible to have sold that many that soon?! Maybe he roams from town to town buying down on their luck donut shops & slyly adding his croissants to the menu & maybe 1698 is the total he's sold since he was a lad. Either way, that's an impressive stat. He hands it to me & asks "have you had one of these before?" "No - a friend recommended them" "Well, enjoy". And just as I'm about out the door he says "You'll be back". That was just about all I could've asked for from that visit. Oh, and he gave me his new card which looks almost the same as the old one except now it says "Larry's Donuts & Ham and Cheese Croissants" and nothing's crossed out. I think this has turned in to an ode to Larry. OK, I have to go get an advance Payday Loans across the street now & then catch the night service at that church, so I'll leave you with that. Happy Monday morning slackers!!

Update

First celebrity sighting: Kim Gordon at Cafe Gitane.

Cinco de Davo

This has been a very stressful day. My stomach is a knotted ball of stress filled with stress juice.

In honor of Archbishop Dave Smith returning to the best goddamn country in the whole world, I was planning on including some of my top Dave Smith moments. I didn't have much time to think about it, but I'll include the ones I came up with, in no particular order. Feel free to add your own.

-The time I tried to fight him after the Peep-off because he lifted up my skirt. This is the only time I have ever tried to physically hurt anyone I'm not related to. I just kind of pushed him into the fence but I don't think I really hurt him.
-First and only motorcycle ride. It was great.
-When he asked me a bunch of questions in front of my little sister about how it felt to be a lesbian now because I had started dating a girl. My little sister thought me and this lady were just friends.
-When he walked in on me while I was having sex and stood there giggling. The man (well, he was practically a boy at the time) involved in this memory said we were just laying under the covers but that's not how I remember it.
-When he got me a yearlong membership to a Jewish gunowners wacko group as a birthday present. This probably got me on some FBI watchlist.

Welcome back Dave!

So I'm off to New York. I'll probably write some drunk entries. Maybe Miller will do a guest post. That would be bitchin' Lates.

Letters to things unlikely to respond

Dear Pathetic Abandoned Cat-

I feel pity for you. I do. With your greasy matted fur, your skittishness that makes you unlovable, and your small, plaintive wail, you are a pathetic sight. I'm sorry your previous owner (we'll call her Little Heckasac) abandoned you and that other pushy, obese cat. I'm sorry she painted my room pink, too, but you don't hear me crying about it all day long. In fact, I have grown to like it and am trying to flow with the pink vibe. I may even buy a Hockney print to go with my tropical plant and try to have the ultimate California room. You should take a cue from my flexibility and try to build a new cat life, where you make new cat friends and, hopefully, find a new owner, one who will pet you and won't leave you behind when they move. That said, if you knock over another one of my plants I will fucking kill you. You're lucky I didn't kill you when you broke my three-piece ceramic weiner dog planter. At least the planter wasn't alive, though. When you kill one of my plants by breaking it or pushing it off the porch, I feel real sadness. More sadness than I feel for your misfortune. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

Coldly,

Heckasac

Dear Cafe Bernardo-

I noticed you have raised your prices. Again. Congratulations. You are now a total fucking rip-off. Why should I pay as much for an entree in your cafe as I would if I simply crossed the street to Biba? You have to admit that's ridiculous. And now that you've eliminated your spinach salad, there's no reason to go to you anyway. Why do you always get rid of your best menu items? Then you force me to be that asshole standing in front of the menu board who says to the counter girl, "oh, your spinach salad is gone" and she is forced to pretend that she cares. I probably won't be seeing you for awhile. Let me know if you bring that spinach salad back.

With regret,

Heckasac

Sac Trek News

Sacramento's lamest Star Trek band, Warp 11, has a new release which they have wittily titled "Boldly Go Down On Me" Har har. The cover can be seen here: http://www.warp11.com/ What does a guy in vinyl pants with a girls hand on his crotch have to do with Star Trek exactly? Oh yeah, I forgot, Warp 11 is just using the Star Trek theme to hitch a ride to the big time. As a true fan, I'm continually offended by these fakers. If you are a fan of the show "Enterprise" or you just need something to do this weekend, maybe you should attend the Trek United Rally on K street this weekend. Here's the information: http://norcaltrek.2truth.com/ They are doing karaoke after the all-day rally! I wish I could go.

I know that one of Sac's real Star Trek bands (No Kill I the Next Generation) is playing a con coming up, but I don't know the details off the top of my head. I'll keep you posted.

You my midga

Just in case you pooped out on reading to the end of that Roger Ebert article about the "m word" here's the end, which is rad. Why the inclusion of the Cockney rhyming slang? Ebert gets more and more eccentric all the time.

From Roger Ebert to Daniel Woodburn
April 16, 2005
Well, I will retire the word "midget" right here and now.You touch on a strange phenomenon: The way members of various discriminated-against groups use words among themselves that would be fighting words if used about them by others. You doubt that "midget" will ever be domesticated among Little People in the same way "nigger" has been tamed among blacks, but actually I think that is just as well. Words that cause pain should be retired, although perhaps during the transitional period they can offer a certain homeopathic relief. I have recently been in correspondence with disabled people over the ending of "Million Dollar Baby," and note that they sometimes use terms like "crip" and "gimp."I am going to share with you an extraordinary Usenet posting about Cockney Rhyming Slang used among disabled Cockneys in East London:
===Mutton Jeff = Deaf.
Canary Wharf = dwarf.
Cardinal Wolsey = cerebral palsy.
Raspberry Ripple = cripple.
Rubber and plastic = spastic.
Tulips and roses = multiple sclerosis.Bacon rind = blind.
Diet Pepsi = epilepsy.
Benny and the Jets = Tourettes.
Wasps and bees = amputee.===

Best,
Roger Ebert=====

From Roger Ebert to Daniel Woodburn
April 16, 2005Dear Mr. Woodburn,With your permission, I’d like to reprint our correspondence in full on the web site.
Best,
RE=====

From Daniel Woodburn to Roger Ebert
April 17, 2005
Dear Mr. Ebert,The mere fact that you have decided to retire the word midget from your work -- which I have watched on PBS since the 70's indeed has made my week. Every significant move forward is huge. My wife always tells me every step, no matter how big or small, is a step. The idea that you publish this on you site honors me further.Regarding the use of "nigger" and "gimp" or "crip." When I have felt a particular closeness with someone of color or disability we have often exchanged those derogatory terms for one another. I think that when you do have that bond and have used those terms with someone in an even, equal exchange, it is then that the words are truly owned. It is a recognition of having defeated the hate that comes with the terms. With regard to Midget I have coined a term on stage that eliminates its impact in much the same way African Americans and Blacks (which traditionally was not capitalized in the same way White was to describe race) have altered the word "nigger" to "Nigga." I have decided that dropping the "t" and changing the "e" to "a" to create Midga deflates the impact. So in closing I would just like to say to you Mr. Ebert -- "You my Midga."
Sincerely,Danny Woodburn
PS. I prefer the Cockney versions of everything.

Little Person link

And this one's for Wrath of Conway: http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050501/COMMENTARY/50429001

House of D

Oh my god, this Ebert review of the Duchovs directed and written debacle "the house of D" (brilliant title) is hilarious: http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050428/REVIEWS/50415001
I had the chance to see this movie this weekend and saw the Enron movie instead (which I recommend), but I must see it before it's gone!

Two become one

Miller, did you post this? This brings together the two world of the Sac rants and raves: chemtrails and racist diatribes against Russians.

blame it on Supertramp

I'm just not struck with blogging inspiration. I think I'm burned out, so I guess a few days away in New York City will do me good. Is it just a coincidence that this brain dead feeling corresponds with me listening to the same three Supertramp songs at least once a day?

Marcus Breton has a good article on the Kings suckin' it and how that relates to the chances for an arena: http://www.sacbee.com/content/sports/basketball/kings/story/12820002p-13670174c.html

Heckamax spends weekend in Chico

Al begged me to make that my headline, so I obliged. The most exciting thing I did this weekend was catch the end of the Alkali Flats set at the Fox and Goose on friday. Everyone inside was at least one and a half sheets to the wind when I arrived (I didn't get there until midnight) so there were a lot of semi-glazed smiles in the house. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. I haven't seen the Alkali Flats in forever, not since they snagged local guitar god (and Alec Roberts wannabe) Mike Ferrell. They sounded great, running through a set of old standards like "Luxury Liner". Various old dudes kept vying for a piece of the mic until it resembled an Old Timey American Idol audition. I heard there was an roaming afterparty that took place in both the giant Starbucks coffee cup and Ella's palatial hotel street across from Jim Denny's.

And that's about it. Didn't catch the Six Organs show. Is a boring post better than no post at all?

Contest results

This was the rant I posted: http://sacramento.craigslist.org/rnr/70840133.html
It led to a few more that agreed with me, but most of the people had racist grounds for hating Davey D. I just hate him because he's an idiot.

Maybe I'll post in a bit.