Wednesday, September 14, 2005

get off my teat!

Are you jonesing for heckasac? Sorry, I've been trying to wean you off my blog-teat slowly this week but you're gonna have to get used to it. This saturday I'm heading off to sunny (well, right now it's semi-cloudy with scattered showers, but whatever) portugal and I won't be back in the lab until the 5th. And you can't suckle off smiller's teat, either (most disgusting sentence ever), because he's coming with me! Maybe we'll feel like posting once in a while but I doubt if we're going to be hanging out in a lot of internet cafes. We're mostly going to be kicking it with other world travelers in our hostel. I hope I meet lots of young Australians and Germans. J.K.!

OK, one little post. I hear there is a Tower eating challenge being planned. It pits Mike R. against Cooter in a chicken wings eating contest. It's going to take place late at night and Mike R. is not going to eat all day. However, Cooter is so confident in his abilities that he plans to eat a full meal beforehand. I even heard him quoted as saying "call me after Thanksgiving dinner and I'll still win". Bold words. D.P. wants to have a cannoli eating contest, probably with himself.


DB said...

I have already officially proclaimed myself the Only Game in Town for the next few weeks over on my blog ( So either you read my blog or you go live your life, it's up to you.

beckler said...

that heading sounds harsh. i love that you guys read the crap that i write. you know that! don't forget me while i'm gone.

Anonymous said...

..You just wanted everybody to think about your teats!


ps. I love this blog. I feel like it has brough us all together. Really. Thats not a joke.

Anonymous said...

i'm having second thoughts about this contest since i am bound to come out looking like a fatty batty boombalatty piggy wiggy when i finish a whole tray of fifty wings. but this is probably the only contest i will ever be able to win, so i should probably swallow my pride and do it. i think we need to set up some official rules, here's what i propose.

1. there is no regulation on pre-contest activities. meaning either of us can starve ourselves for a week or get stoned as much as we want before the contest. (i however will be doing neither.)

2. mike r. can name the day, but i'd prefer not to do this inside a restaraunt. i don't mind my friends seeing me make a hog of myself, but i'm a little shy around people i don't know. i'd say the ideal place for this to happen would be mike's attic, but that's up to him.

3. once the contest has started, there is no more getting stoned.

4. once the contest has started there's no going to the bathroom for number two. i elect david paul to monitor all bathroom happenings.

5. if someone throws up, shits themselves, passes out or has a heart attack, they are disqualified.

6. the contestants can eat or drink anything they'd like along with the wings once the contest has started. i'm thinking of having mine with a chocolate peanut butter banana shake from nationwide and a couple of cheddarwursts.

if anyone want to add or suggest anything, feel free.


DB said...

I suggest that you have to consume the wings with your arms wrapped around each other like couples drinking wine.

Anonymous said...

Hey, why's my teat more disgusting than yours?!


beckler said...

that's funny that you ask, because i had thought about amending that to note that i wasn't dissing your teats, i was just registering my disgust at the words "teat" and "suckle" and using them both in a sentence together gave me goosebumps (the bad kind).

cooter- is d.p. monitoring the bathroom because he is in there most of the time?

Anonymous said...

Starving yourself is never going to work in an eating contest. Follow the lead of one mr. Takeru Kobayashi, Cookie Jarvis or my favorite the black widow Sonya Thomas of the IFOCE, and drink water, lots and lots of water. Did you hear that Eric Booker is putting out a rap album? I can't wait.

g (not bomb)

beckler said...

hey miller-
why are you reading my blog on your day off?! i thought you were supposed to be packing. or did you just google "smiller's teat" and this is where you ended up?

Anonymous said...

I almost shit when, instead of the ususal 'sorry, your search for smillers teat returned no matches', I finally got one! I guess all roads really do lead to Heckasac. And I didn't literally almost shit. But if I had, it would've been fine since I'm at home. Packing. Fudge packing! BOING! It's 6:30 and I'm entertaining only myself.


smitty said...

If you see me in the Pot of Grease, it ain't really me, but say howdy anyway. That'll confuse my doppelganger and I'll probably have another seizure.

katymonster said...

i randomly googled heckasac today to see where you would turn up.

you show up in some random places.

D.P., are you telling that fudge packing joke all over town?

Anonymous said...

Do cooter and mike r have to eat the bones as well?


Anonymous said...

Hi. Nice site! I found it by searching "D.P. fudge pack teat".
I'll definitely check back often!


beckler said...

cooter and mike r. don't have to eat the bones, but they do have to suck the marrow. has anyone ever had marrow? i keep reading about it but i don't think i could keep it down if i tried. the offal restaurant profiled in the new new yorker serves a marrow, parsley and capers salad that's a huge hit in london.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if this counts as "having marrow", but there's an indian restaurant in providence that serves various mutton dishes; and when it's takeout and there's some privacy, I'm not above sucking the marrow out of the bone. It's kind of gelatinous and very fatty and savory and rich and delicious, and after some work, it should slither out of the hollow of the bone all in one cylindrical piece. It's a pretty disgusting thing to watch and listen to, so I suggest doing it only privately.