Friday, October 28, 2005

the end

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I've gone insane from boredom. I have just gouged out my left eye with a dull pencil and now i'm going for my.lujl;aksd7uvjonpasdl;irurjawenkfkljgliuycxn


Anonymous said...

Ask me if I have a banana in my ear.

Do you have a banana in your ear?

I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

amy said...

beckler i feel your pain. i was so bored last night studying that i made up a bunch of microbiology pirate jokes. these are very audience-specific, but in case they entertain even one person i think i will share. at the very least maybe it will make you feel that you are only the second most bored person in the world...

Q: What virus caused a pirate to have 25% atypical lymphocytes and a positive mono-spot test after kissing another pirate?

A: Epstein-Baaaarrrr

Q: Given the pirate's recent travel history to mexico and the fact that while he was there he ate many hamburguesas from roadside vendors, what might now be causing his cramping abdominal pain and bloating?

A: Giaaaarrrrdia

Q: Crusted lesions from the pirate's torso showed gram positive cocci in grape-like clusters which tested positive for catalase and negative for coagulase. What is wrong with the pirate?

A: Impetigo due to Staph Aaaarrrrreus

Q: Doctors originally thought the pirate had tuberculosis, because a sputum stain revealed the presence of acid-fast organisms. However, the pirate had not had any close contact with infected persons on the high seas, and his PPD skin test came back negative. What was causing the pirate's pneumonia?

A: Nocaaaarrrrrrdia

Q: Shortly after the pirate looted and pillaged coastal towns in California and Hawaii, he noted a purulent penile dischaaaaarrrrrge that grew on chocolate agaaaarrrr and was resistant to ciprofloxacin. What does the pirate have?

A: As his doctor, it would be unprofessional of me to disclose that information to you without signed written consent from the pirate. Aaaarrrrr.

werenotdeep said...

Well, in not telling us, though, I think it's pretty obvious that he had Hong Kong Flu. There's no way to work "Aarrrrr" into "Gonnorrhea", so I just used a piratey term for it.

Anonymous said...

Oh come on Olsen. Gonnaarrrrea isn't too much of a stretch.

And aren't you supposed to be practicing sax?


Anonymous said...

werenotdeep said...

Yeah, okay, but I just really wanted to say Hong Kong Flu.

I can't practice on a broken sax.

amy said...

chris, do you know that mosquitos song 'hong kong flu'? it's a great song, and whenever anyone says 'hong kong flu' it gets in my head for days.

the pirate's differential diagnosis includes both gonnorea and chlamydia... neither one makes a very good 'aaaarrr' though.. i'm gonna have to work on that one.

werenotdeep said...

I'm not familiar enough with the catalogue of the Mosquitos, unfortunately. In fact, all I have by them is a really crappy live recording of them at popfest playing "Allergies".

But I did first hear "Hong Kong Flu" in a song. "Sayanora" by the Pouges.

Isn't it also true that both Gono and Chlamid are not only tested the same way, but, since they're both bacteria, they're treated the same way?

amy said...

yup, they are both bacteria, and always tested for at the same time, because often people are co-infected. but actually, they are treated by different drugs. (depending on the characteristics of the bacteria, they respond differently to different antibiotics.)

also, i highly recommend you bug leon to make you a mosquitos CD. i'd offer, but mine is all battered up from being in the car too long :(

Anonymous said...

Mosquitos rule! I like the less trebly one (Our Generation) better though I think Levy might like the other one more. And it blew my mind when Drew told me that Hong Kong Flu was a cover of a rock-steady song by the Heptones! Genius, man.


Anonymous said...

Olsen - to ward off gonarrrrghrea you should always practice safe sax.

please kill me now.

I think there should have been a pirate joke with "plank" in the punchline. also maybe "peg leg" or "a buck an ear" as an ear infection joke.

beckler said...

wow. all this happened after i left work for the day. good job guys! those pirate jokes arrrrrr genius!

leon said...

Imagine me saying this in the voice of Comic Book Guy.

"Me thinks you are incorrect"

Not to be annoying, OK fuck it, I'll be annoying. Right now I am listening to "Hong Kong Flu" by the Ethiopians, which is an excellent song covered by the Mosquitoes.

leon said...

werenotdeep said...

Right now you're reminding me of all the CD's I lost at the SF airport when I came home from Hawaii three years ago. I need to re-get The Upsetters' Return of Django again.

Of course, I special ordered a buncha CD's from TV and didn't get 'em because I was broke. I hope Dan's not mad at me.