Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Double Douche

I have time to blog, but nothing to write. Sorry. I will compensate by giving you the wonderful news that I'm pregnant. Patrick Swayze's the father and we're going to name the tyke Roadhouse 2. No, strike that, I meant to say that there is going to be a sequel to Roadhouse going into production shortly. Starring Swayze! Citizens, rejoice!

To celebrate, here is a selection of quotes from Roadhouse

Wade Garrett: This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint".

Morgan: What am I supposed to do? Dalton: There's always barber college.

Wade Garrett: That gal's got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that.

Emmett: Calling me sir is like putting an elevator in an outhouse. It don't belong.

Dalton: Pain don't hurt.

Dalton: Nobody ever wins a fight.

Red Webster: Don't ever marry an ugly woman, she'll suck the life right out of ya.

Dalton: My way... or the highway.

Jimmy: I used to fuck guys like you in prison.

Wade Garrett: [Eyeing the sign over the Double Deuce] The Double Douche!

Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.

Dalton: Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone.

Jimmy: Prepare to die. Dalton: You are such an asshole.

Jimmy: Damn, boy. I thought you were good. Dalton: Go fuck yourself.

Dalton: If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you, and you'll both be nice. I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal.

Dalton: I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice.

Steve: Being called a cocksucker isn't personal? Dalton: No. It's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response. Steve: What if somebody callas my mama a whore? Dalton: Is she?

Doc: Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in? Dalton: Philosophy. Doc: Any particular discipline? Dalton: No. Not really. Man's search for faith. That sort of shit. Doc: Come up with any answers? Dalton: Not too many. Doc: How's a guy like you end up a bouncer? Dalton: Just lucky I guess.


Anonymous said...

i really do think the bee is sort of a bad idea...but no one is giving feedback on why it may work out why it may be fun....we should have a soapbox derby...or...dodgeball....
i don't i feel like a jerk...i'm going to go drink some shaved ice with jd in it

worlds saddest worm

Anonymous said...

Allen and I discussed having a dance dance revolution contest against the Crest. I would lose immediately but it might be kind of funny. Of course, this would be AFTER the spelling bee, which I am in full support of.


Anonymous said...

who's the worm?! who's the worm?! who's the worm?!

Anonymous said...

carlos = the worm.

And can we keep topic on Swayze and the movie Roadhouse?

"I want the best"
"Then you want Wayde Garret"
"Wayde Garrets too old"


"I thought you'd be bigger"


"If your going to have a pet, keep it on a leash"

and every scene John Doe is in.


beckler said...

I'd like to put the official heckasac stamp of approval on a dance dance revolution contest to take place during or after the spelling bee. of course, careful research has revealed that those who are most likely to excel at ddr are musicians (especially drummers), not those who are actually good dancers.


Anonymous said...

lest we forgt..
"You're my regular Saturday night thing"
"God damn I bet that hurts a whole lot"
"I used to fuck guys like you in prison"
and the immortal..
"right boot"

Anonymous said...

dang, biz beat me to "right boot".

I have ddr pads for the xbox, we could hook it up to the digital projecter at tower and have the graphics on the big screen...

Unknown said...


the spelling bee idea is brilliant because it takes the Crest vs. Tower away from the brawns and into the brain challenge.

it takes way less time to prep and less actual intelligence than setting up, say a Jeopardy type smarts off.

and when I use zany in a sentence before spelling it, you’ll finally understand its true meaning.