Too good to be true but it is. Someone just ended up at my blog cuz they searched for the phrase "tiny vulvas". I can't believe I have used the word vulva in my post. I'm not sure where I did.
Monday, January 10, 2005
New blog
Hah!! So by snooping on who was referred to my blog by other blogs I have found the new blog of the elusive Dave Ninja. This oughtta be good: http://www.thefoureyes.com/blog/mt/ I hope Dave's site is prepared for the massive flood of hits he will get as my loyal readers log on (they do whatever I tell them). If it crashes at least he will know why.
Graswich replies!
Yes!! Graswich replied and said he will "try to find a place" for my tip about the Escalade owner!!!
The Bee has the worst headline ever today, it's in a story about the Kings getting beaten by the New Orleans Hornets, but it took me a minute to even figure what the fuck they were talking about. The headline is "Going down on the bay-eww". There are a few reasons why this is a weird headline, but I won't parse it because I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself.
This weekend I headed back to the dreaded Davis. There aren't many things that can lure me to cross the causeway on my day off, but a Feeling show is one of them. It was at Espresso Roma by campus. The Feeling were in fine form and besides a few squares who walked out, everyone enjoyed it. We went to Woodstock's at Mike's insistence but I thought the pizza was pretty crappy. But I don't really like pizza, so I guess I can't judge. Well, to qualify that, I like Zelda's pizza and real New York pizza and that's about it.
What else...no Sac news has been interesting me lately. I did pick up a book at Beer's yesterday called "Sacramento, City of Trees" which I have yet to browse through, but I believe it tells the story of why Sac has so many trees and then goes into the many different types. I want to know the real name of the jizz trees so when I am cursing for their noxious smell I can do it in Latin.
I need some filler to spice up this entry because it's pretty boring, so here are some new search terms that people have used and ended up at heckasac. Forgive me if I already printed some of them:
paris Hilton bong
dekok scientology
nolia clap song where merced at?
frida kahlo curtain beads (this one's funny because my entry was railing against these at the Tower cafe!)
someone searched for paris benji hooter again!
kiedis girlsfriend November
another benji hooter!
Fergie black eyed peas exclusive interview
sikh parade pictures yuba city
pearl necklace
sri lanka tsunami man with osama t-shirt
"anais pinhead"
peja stojakovic baby girlfriend supermodel
steve vanoni
"heather conway" san Francisco
"the yes men" ostertag
that's all for now
The Bee has the worst headline ever today, it's in a story about the Kings getting beaten by the New Orleans Hornets, but it took me a minute to even figure what the fuck they were talking about. The headline is "Going down on the bay-eww". There are a few reasons why this is a weird headline, but I won't parse it because I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself.
This weekend I headed back to the dreaded Davis. There aren't many things that can lure me to cross the causeway on my day off, but a Feeling show is one of them. It was at Espresso Roma by campus. The Feeling were in fine form and besides a few squares who walked out, everyone enjoyed it. We went to Woodstock's at Mike's insistence but I thought the pizza was pretty crappy. But I don't really like pizza, so I guess I can't judge. Well, to qualify that, I like Zelda's pizza and real New York pizza and that's about it.
What else...no Sac news has been interesting me lately. I did pick up a book at Beer's yesterday called "Sacramento, City of Trees" which I have yet to browse through, but I believe it tells the story of why Sac has so many trees and then goes into the many different types. I want to know the real name of the jizz trees so when I am cursing for their noxious smell I can do it in Latin.
I need some filler to spice up this entry because it's pretty boring, so here are some new search terms that people have used and ended up at heckasac. Forgive me if I already printed some of them:
paris Hilton bong
dekok scientology
nolia clap song where merced at?
frida kahlo curtain beads (this one's funny because my entry was railing against these at the Tower cafe!)
someone searched for paris benji hooter again!
kiedis girlsfriend November
another benji hooter!
Fergie black eyed peas exclusive interview
sikh parade pictures yuba city
pearl necklace
sri lanka tsunami man with osama t-shirt
"anais pinhead"
peja stojakovic baby girlfriend supermodel
steve vanoni
"heather conway" san Francisco
"the yes men" ostertag
that's all for now
Friday, January 07, 2005
Late post
I went to the new location of the Plantation restaurant last night (it's still on Del Paso Blvd., it's just a few blocks down). The owners have decided to make the place fancier and the new location is beautiful. The building looks quite old, 80+years, I'm sure, and there is nice exposed brick in spots. They now serve beer, wine, and mixed drinks from an attractive wooden bar. There is a white baby grand (I'm guessing) piano and a guy pleasantly tickling the ivories with songs like "my funny valentine" and other standards. We were ushered into the dining room area which features a mural of prominent African-Americans arising from grass and trees, which produces an effect that is kind of Lord of the Rings-esque. There was one family of three in the dining room, and us.
The Plantation has been in this location for a month and half and some things are still a bit rough around the edges. The server was good but still seemed a bit inexperienced. Our food came pretty quickly, but most of the stuff on my plate was cold, which is a problem I've had at the plantation before. I ordered the fried catfish with a side of mac and cheese and a side of black-eyed peas and rice. The fish was warmer than the other stuff and was crispy and tasty. There were two pieces, one of which really had no meat on it at all. The mac and cheese was great, which I knew it would be because I had ordered it before. The black-eyed peas were bland and I had to douse them with Krystal hot sauce but still ended up leaving most of them on the plate. Three other people in my party ordered the country-fried steak and all of them said it was much too salty and that they would expect the quality of the meat to be better for a dish that costs about 14 bucks. My dining companions pronounced the fried chicken "OK", which is how I felt about it when I ordered it at the old location. The yams are great, and the greens are good.
We split a peach cobbler for dessert and it was a disappointment. I remembered the delicious carrot cake from last time so I expected quality from the cobbler. It too had been inadequately warmed and was floating in a pool of oversweet-overcinnamoned syrup.
I think that this place still has potential and they have done wonders with the ambiance, the kitchen just needs to get their shit together a little bit. There is no excuse for the food to be cold on more than one visit. I could see it happening as a freak occurrence when one entree is accidentally prepared too early or something, but it seems to be a recurring problem. Use a little more spice (or use a lot more spice, I'd be cool with that) and maybe throw in a hamhock here and there to liven up the sides. I hope to see improvements because this is a pleasant place to eat and I plan to go back.
Oh yeah, they're still open until midnight every night except friday and saturday, when they're open until 3:00 am. That rules!!
The Plantation has been in this location for a month and half and some things are still a bit rough around the edges. The server was good but still seemed a bit inexperienced. Our food came pretty quickly, but most of the stuff on my plate was cold, which is a problem I've had at the plantation before. I ordered the fried catfish with a side of mac and cheese and a side of black-eyed peas and rice. The fish was warmer than the other stuff and was crispy and tasty. There were two pieces, one of which really had no meat on it at all. The mac and cheese was great, which I knew it would be because I had ordered it before. The black-eyed peas were bland and I had to douse them with Krystal hot sauce but still ended up leaving most of them on the plate. Three other people in my party ordered the country-fried steak and all of them said it was much too salty and that they would expect the quality of the meat to be better for a dish that costs about 14 bucks. My dining companions pronounced the fried chicken "OK", which is how I felt about it when I ordered it at the old location. The yams are great, and the greens are good.
We split a peach cobbler for dessert and it was a disappointment. I remembered the delicious carrot cake from last time so I expected quality from the cobbler. It too had been inadequately warmed and was floating in a pool of oversweet-overcinnamoned syrup.
I think that this place still has potential and they have done wonders with the ambiance, the kitchen just needs to get their shit together a little bit. There is no excuse for the food to be cold on more than one visit. I could see it happening as a freak occurrence when one entree is accidentally prepared too early or something, but it seems to be a recurring problem. Use a little more spice (or use a lot more spice, I'd be cool with that) and maybe throw in a hamhock here and there to liven up the sides. I hope to see improvements because this is a pleasant place to eat and I plan to go back.
Oh yeah, they're still open until midnight every night except friday and saturday, when they're open until 3:00 am. That rules!!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
That's not music, that's just noise!
A tip to my readers: If you drink a big cup of Peet's coffee at 7:30, you will probably not be able to go to sleep at 11:30, regardless of how much whiskey you have surreptitiously poured into said cup.
I got tricked into going to a noise show at Tonevendor last night because I didn't realize it was a noise show. I thought there was one noise band and then regular bands, but actually there were five noise bands. Or maybe not, I left after the second noise band. The bands were not bad, they were just noise bands and I don't think I will ever like any noise band. Except Maroon 5, but they make noise accessible to the masses. The only amusing part of the night, besides noting the profusion of Robin Hood-style boots on the ladies, were Millers noise band jokes, which I will share with you here:
Q: What did the noise dude say to his therapist?
A: (low grinding noise, followed by brief, high squealing noise)
Q: What did the noise dude say to his girlfriend?
A: Psych! Noise dudes don't have girlfriends!
I am trying to work on a joke about noise dudes all having beards, but it's not coming to me.
I ate at the Plum Blossom at 19th and J during the show because it was the closest place and I have to say it's pretty lame. From the outside, it looks like it would be a casual dining place, where you would just walk up to the counter and order (which is why I wanted to go), but it is actually a sit-down restaurant. It was pretty generic-looking inside and the front wall was dominated by a huge, flat-screen TV tuned to Fox News. Flat screen TVs are the scourge of Sacto restaurants. Why? Why? Why must every restaurant, no matter how upscale, have twenty TVs inside? I walked by Zocalo (which is the closest I'll ever get to eating there, unless it's on a dare) and marvelled at how the owners took so much care and expense in the design and then just slapped a bunch of TVs all around, thereby ruining the ambiance. Because the human eye is naturally drawn to a TV, against my will I kept having to look at Bill O'Reilly while I ate. Oh yeah, that's right, I say "look at" rather than "watch" because the TV was turned on with the sound off but no subtitles. What is the point of that? I couldn't watch it even if I wanted to!!!! Aaaaah!!!
Anyway, I ordered a pork bun. It was not good, but then again, I guess I should know better than to order any pork product that cost seventy-five cents. However the same type of pork bun at Gam Lae Sig was much better. I tried to order a sesame noodle dish, but the waitress said that is no longer on the menu. Since their menus are one photocopied slip of paper, you would think that they could perhaps just make some accurate new menu copies, but maybe the menu is a work in progress. I settled on (lame) fried rice because their menu was pretty boring and typical (you know, General Tso's chicken and all that jazz), but quite a few of the dishes were either 8 or ten bucks and I had just wanted something cheap and quick. The fried rice was just what you would expect. Filling, that's about it. I don't recommend this place.
I got tricked into going to a noise show at Tonevendor last night because I didn't realize it was a noise show. I thought there was one noise band and then regular bands, but actually there were five noise bands. Or maybe not, I left after the second noise band. The bands were not bad, they were just noise bands and I don't think I will ever like any noise band. Except Maroon 5, but they make noise accessible to the masses. The only amusing part of the night, besides noting the profusion of Robin Hood-style boots on the ladies, were Millers noise band jokes, which I will share with you here:
Q: What did the noise dude say to his therapist?
A: (low grinding noise, followed by brief, high squealing noise)
Q: What did the noise dude say to his girlfriend?
A: Psych! Noise dudes don't have girlfriends!
I am trying to work on a joke about noise dudes all having beards, but it's not coming to me.
I ate at the Plum Blossom at 19th and J during the show because it was the closest place and I have to say it's pretty lame. From the outside, it looks like it would be a casual dining place, where you would just walk up to the counter and order (which is why I wanted to go), but it is actually a sit-down restaurant. It was pretty generic-looking inside and the front wall was dominated by a huge, flat-screen TV tuned to Fox News. Flat screen TVs are the scourge of Sacto restaurants. Why? Why? Why must every restaurant, no matter how upscale, have twenty TVs inside? I walked by Zocalo (which is the closest I'll ever get to eating there, unless it's on a dare) and marvelled at how the owners took so much care and expense in the design and then just slapped a bunch of TVs all around, thereby ruining the ambiance. Because the human eye is naturally drawn to a TV, against my will I kept having to look at Bill O'Reilly while I ate. Oh yeah, that's right, I say "look at" rather than "watch" because the TV was turned on with the sound off but no subtitles. What is the point of that? I couldn't watch it even if I wanted to!!!! Aaaaah!!!
Anyway, I ordered a pork bun. It was not good, but then again, I guess I should know better than to order any pork product that cost seventy-five cents. However the same type of pork bun at Gam Lae Sig was much better. I tried to order a sesame noodle dish, but the waitress said that is no longer on the menu. Since their menus are one photocopied slip of paper, you would think that they could perhaps just make some accurate new menu copies, but maybe the menu is a work in progress. I settled on (lame) fried rice because their menu was pretty boring and typical (you know, General Tso's chicken and all that jazz), but quite a few of the dishes were either 8 or ten bucks and I had just wanted something cheap and quick. The fried rice was just what you would expect. Filling, that's about it. I don't recommend this place.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Paris Hilton in panties. Yawn.
This link is mostly for Michael, but if anyone wants to see the Paris Hilton video that Vincent Gallo shot, go here: http://www.gawker.com/index.php?page=3 Click on the link on the word "is" and you'll go to it. For people at work, she's in her underwear, not naked, but it is a little racy.
There's a show at Tonevendor tonight that seems interesting. Some South American band or something? Starts at 7:00, link here: http://www.tonevendor.com/ I checked the Tonevendor top 20 and I haven't heard of any of the bands on it.
Another interesting fact: my blog is now getting a lot of hits because of Miller's mention of the kid in the Osama t-shirt. If you search for this picture, depending on the combination of words you search with, you may end up with my page as the first hit. Weird.
There's a show at Tonevendor tonight that seems interesting. Some South American band or something? Starts at 7:00, link here: http://www.tonevendor.com/ I checked the Tonevendor top 20 and I haven't heard of any of the bands on it.
Another interesting fact: my blog is now getting a lot of hits because of Miller's mention of the kid in the Osama t-shirt. If you search for this picture, depending on the combination of words you search with, you may end up with my page as the first hit. Weird.
Attention ladies!! Southside flasher!!
I guess at least three girls that we've all probably seen around (so who knows how many there have been that aren't in our social circle) have been flashed in the area around the Flame Club and Southside Park (in other words, my neighborhood). This guy isn't one of those nasty pervs that simply passively flashes or jerks off, he's really agressive and scary. He chases the women and even threw one against a fence!! The lady who got thrown against the fence called the cops and they said there have been many reports about this guy. I don't have a description yet, but I'll try to get one. Simply crossing the street or even running away won't deter him, and he chased two women that were walking together, so everyone should be really careful. I walked from my house to the new Safeway by myself the other night before I knew about this and there was a three block stretch on S that's really deserted and was creeping me out, and I got chills thinking about that when I heard about this guy. Maybe I will try to tip off Graswich, but he didn't even respond to my last tip and now I feel dumb.
You guys should post your movie lists!! I'm really curious.
I have been craving a hamburger so I went to Nationwide Freezer Meats last night and it did not fucking disappoint. Those burgers are so good I almost plotzed. If there is anyone in Sac who has never had a burger there drop what you are doing right now and go get the ground steakburger with cheese and you will see the light.
Frighteningly, the Doug and Jackie Christie may be getting their own reality show: http://www.sacbee.com/content/sports/basketball/kings/story/11936010p-12823058c.html
I can't wait to see their freakiness documented on the boob tube. Their relationship isn't just close, it's unnatural. I predict they'll be divorced within a few years. Or he will snap. This article is kinda funny. I don't know if the reporter is trying to pad it or what, but there is a bunch of copy on the popularity of reality TV. Thanks, the Bee, you're about three years behind the times on breaking this shocking news.
You guys should post your movie lists!! I'm really curious.
I have been craving a hamburger so I went to Nationwide Freezer Meats last night and it did not fucking disappoint. Those burgers are so good I almost plotzed. If there is anyone in Sac who has never had a burger there drop what you are doing right now and go get the ground steakburger with cheese and you will see the light.
Frighteningly, the Doug and Jackie Christie may be getting their own reality show: http://www.sacbee.com/content/sports/basketball/kings/story/11936010p-12823058c.html
I can't wait to see their freakiness documented on the boob tube. Their relationship isn't just close, it's unnatural. I predict they'll be divorced within a few years. Or he will snap. This article is kinda funny. I don't know if the reporter is trying to pad it or what, but there is a bunch of copy on the popularity of reality TV. Thanks, the Bee, you're about three years behind the times on breaking this shocking news.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
My fave movies of 2004
Here's the website to find all the releases:
http://movieweb.com/movies/releases/year.php?2004
I'd just like to point out that a movie called "Chooch" was released this year.
Here's my top 10:
1. Before Sunset
2. Eternal Sunshine
3. Control Room
4. The Mother
5. Vera Drake
6. Hmmm....this part was easy but as I scan the list of the others I can't rank them because I feel that they are not good enough to be in my top ten. So we'll call it a top five, with 6 other notable movies of the year in no particular order:
Miracle (best sports movie, although I liked Friday Night Lights, too)
The Forgotten (silliest movie that made me jump the most)
Shaun of the Dead (funniest)
Secret Window (mediocre movie saved by Johnny Depp)
Birth (interesting and pretty to look at but pretty dumb)
Kill Bill 2 (best action)
Undertow (most intriguing work by a fairly new director who needs to quit biting Terence Malick's style so hard)
Worst movies of 2004:
1. Code 46-a horrible piece of shit that everyone involved wish they could forget about, I'm sure
2. The Ladykillers-a real clunker by the Cohen brothers. They need to quit smoking so much weed or something.
3. The Stepford Wives-Eech! Obvious test-audience influence and last-minute panic-induced editing.
Walked out on:
What the Bleep
Door in the Floor (walked out after sex scene between Kim Basinger and teenager that I was waiting to see, although I waited until it a few minutes after the scene was over so I wouldn't look like a perv)
This is far fewer movies than I usually walk out on in a year, maybe I am getting more patient.
http://movieweb.com/movies/releases/year.php?2004
I'd just like to point out that a movie called "Chooch" was released this year.
Here's my top 10:
1. Before Sunset
2. Eternal Sunshine
3. Control Room
4. The Mother
5. Vera Drake
6. Hmmm....this part was easy but as I scan the list of the others I can't rank them because I feel that they are not good enough to be in my top ten. So we'll call it a top five, with 6 other notable movies of the year in no particular order:
Miracle (best sports movie, although I liked Friday Night Lights, too)
The Forgotten (silliest movie that made me jump the most)
Shaun of the Dead (funniest)
Secret Window (mediocre movie saved by Johnny Depp)
Birth (interesting and pretty to look at but pretty dumb)
Kill Bill 2 (best action)
Undertow (most intriguing work by a fairly new director who needs to quit biting Terence Malick's style so hard)
Worst movies of 2004:
1. Code 46-a horrible piece of shit that everyone involved wish they could forget about, I'm sure
2. The Ladykillers-a real clunker by the Cohen brothers. They need to quit smoking so much weed or something.
3. The Stepford Wives-Eech! Obvious test-audience influence and last-minute panic-induced editing.
Walked out on:
What the Bleep
Door in the Floor (walked out after sex scene between Kim Basinger and teenager that I was waiting to see, although I waited until it a few minutes after the scene was over so I wouldn't look like a perv)
This is far fewer movies than I usually walk out on in a year, maybe I am getting more patient.
Print it Graswich!!
I just submitted my second tip to R.E. Graswich. Someday he's going to print one of them. This one involved an Escalade owner who was parked in a handicapped spot (well, in the spot next to the handicapped spot, you know, the crosshatched spot that is so that a chairlift thing can work, and I'm sure he didn't know it was a handicapped spot, so this is different than assuming someone is not handicapped when they may be, plus the only handicap this guy had was obviously mental). I told him it was a handicapped spot and he yelled, "mind your own fucking business" and squealed out of the parking lot.
I have some stuff to do until this afternoon, so check back then. Maybe I'll post my movie top ten. I'll bet you can't wait. Here's a teaser: MXP: Most Extreme Primate is not on it but probably should be.
I have some stuff to do until this afternoon, so check back then. Maybe I'll post my movie top ten. I'll bet you can't wait. Here's a teaser: MXP: Most Extreme Primate is not on it but probably should be.
Monday, January 03, 2005
party of the year
So, holiday wrap up. Hmm...Miller's party: PARTY OF THE YEAR. For me, that is. Others may say heritage party. I stuck to my intoxication plan (the serious partiers always have a plan) so that I would not pass out early as I always do at Miller's party. I paced my drinking, remembering (unlike some I could mention) that although Apple Jack tastes like delicious candy it is really the Devil's Candy (not candy cigarettes like you would think). I took a pill and talked waaaaay to much so sorry if I cornered you with a manic look in my eye. Three embarassing things I did (I like to torture myself by thinking about them later so I might as well share them with you): trapped a med student in the line for the bathroom and told her about my breast ultrasound, told a dirty joke in front of Johnny's mom, and continued my weird habit of talking about my bowel movements when I'm fucked up by informing a very tall man at the party that the pill I had taken was making me want to take a crap. He replied "yeah, sometimes the uppers will do that" and quickly exited the room.
The djing was excellent, with Jason D. being the standout DJ of the year for me (as usual). A so-called friend of mine claimed the next day that dancehall is not good to dance to and, eyes bulging, I shouted "go to Jamaica and tell them that!! Try telling that to Elephant Man!!" Touche. This same person was heard to slander R. Kelly within the walls of my home, which is grounds for immediate eviction. Sadly, due to the non-attendance by a certain Mr. D.L., there was no sportin' it (I think, unless I missed it). There didn't even seem to be that much chanting. But, everyone danced and yakked (and in my case, babbled) into the wee hours of the morning.
I have blogged all that I can blog today (so much for my vow to quit slacking at work), so I'll continue the holiday wrap up tomorrow.
The djing was excellent, with Jason D. being the standout DJ of the year for me (as usual). A so-called friend of mine claimed the next day that dancehall is not good to dance to and, eyes bulging, I shouted "go to Jamaica and tell them that!! Try telling that to Elephant Man!!" Touche. This same person was heard to slander R. Kelly within the walls of my home, which is grounds for immediate eviction. Sadly, due to the non-attendance by a certain Mr. D.L., there was no sportin' it (I think, unless I missed it). There didn't even seem to be that much chanting. But, everyone danced and yakked (and in my case, babbled) into the wee hours of the morning.
I have blogged all that I can blog today (so much for my vow to quit slacking at work), so I'll continue the holiday wrap up tomorrow.
Tudor wanted?
tudor
Originally uploaded by becklerg.
I know this is a cheap shot at someone's poor spelling http://sacramento.craigslist.org/stp/54264374.html , so sue me. Or as Petrovich would say, bring it. This is a weird post for a couple of reasons, not just funny because of the spelling. "A payment can be arranged" sounds like a mob thing. And, best of all, NO need to be good at math. Why would a math tudor need to be good at math?
WTFRIP
Thanks, Miller for posting in my absence but it did give me a start when I logged on.
First off, what the fuck is going on with the MIA thing on Craiglist in missed connections?!?! These people are the worst.
Secondly, I saw a list of banned words from 2004 but it was dumb so I thought of a couple words and phrases. In the last paragraph, you'll notice I wrote out "what the fuck" instead of WTF. I am sick of that. Yes, I have written that before, but still. Also, "sausage party" for a party where there are a lot of dudes. And of course, the hated "I just threw up in my mouth a little". Please feel free to add any more if this dumb blog format lets you comment.
I will soon be listing my top ten movies of 2004 and would like to see others. I've been excited about this for a while, not sure why.
First off, what the fuck is going on with the MIA thing on Craiglist in missed connections?!?! These people are the worst.
Secondly, I saw a list of banned words from 2004 but it was dumb so I thought of a couple words and phrases. In the last paragraph, you'll notice I wrote out "what the fuck" instead of WTF. I am sick of that. Yes, I have written that before, but still. Also, "sausage party" for a party where there are a lot of dudes. And of course, the hated "I just threw up in my mouth a little". Please feel free to add any more if this dumb blog format lets you comment.
I will soon be listing my top ten movies of 2004 and would like to see others. I've been excited about this for a while, not sure why.
Wait a minute!
Well, I'm back, but unfortunately, even though I often have long stretches of not much to do around here, apparently if I'm gone two entire weeks some work does accumulate. So, no time to blog. Sorry, faithful readers, but check back later I'm sure I'll have a little time to catch you up on the drama, the gossip, the local politics, the hook-ups, the smack-downs, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat that occurred among the lofters this holiday season.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Happy Noyer!
Yo, this is Miller here. I've had enough of this 'my blog's on holiday' crap. I need some shit to read! Unfortunately, I really have nothing in mind to say but still, you're reading this right now & it's better than that 'Gag Me' post that's been festering at the top since, like, Thanksgiving. I've stooped to reading other cities' Craig's List's (Sac's is THE worst) to get some entertainment. There's some argument on the NYC list about a photo of people in Sri Lanka helping with the tsunami cleanup. This one kid in the photo is wearing a Bin-Laden t-shirt - so of course there's a bunch of people saying we shouldn't send any aid now. Is it just me or is a Bin-Laden shirt kinda funny? Especially because it looks like it may be one of those religious style photos that they doctor with that somewhat holy hue so it kinda looks like a painting. I mean, shit, I went to Brazil right after 9/11 & I saw maybe 5 Bin-Laden shirts on people who were either wasted or, like, 10 years old. They just hate Bush & like that someone made him look like a stooge. I'm pretty sure they're not looking to live under some extremist Muslim rule. So yeah, I started thinking "what if I were to buy one of these shirts & try to get it back to the U.S.?". Would customs fuck with me? Or what if I got it home & wore it to Denio's or something. How long would I last? Even better, what if I were to make bootleg Bin-Laden shirts & sell them at Denio's?! Of course, something would have to be spelled wrong on it. "Ben-Ladin Is My Homeboy". Or maybe a bad fake-Simpsons style drawing - "Osama Bart Laden" on a surfboard saying "Get Out Of The Way Man!". Or maybe Bin-Laden pissing on Calvin? No, wait, pissing on a Jesus fish. OBL, drawn Simpsons style, pissing on a Jesus fish is going to make me rich! Now for some reason referring to him as OBL is making me laugh. What up OBL?!
Shit, what else? I'm trying to get a gig as a standup comedian so I was trying to think up some New Years jokes. Man, I can't think of one! I've spent half the morning trying to make some pun on Baby New Year or Happy New Year but I got nothin'. Well, I work with this dude named Ed Noyer & I thought of saying "Happy No-yer" to him - but that's not a joke you can just bust out at Laughs Unlimited open mic. I'd have to be all "OK everyone, I work with this guy....".
Oh wait, here's a good one - when you leave work today, loudly proclaim "See you next year!" Watch their jaws drop & then, suddenly, they get it & they're all "you da man!". Get's 'em every year. Little known fact: I made that joke up years ago & now it's everywhere. I ain't mad though.
Here's some I just thought up:
What did OBL say to Baby New Year?
"Get out of the way Man!"
Who are Baby New Year's parents?
Babymomma & Babydaddy New Year
That's all you get - don't steal them! I was gonna come up with some stupid Adam & Eve joke like: Why didn't Adam go out on New Years? Cuz he was chillin' with New Years Eve - but I deemed it too stupid. Ask any comedian - you GOT to have standards.
See you next year!!!!
Shit, what else? I'm trying to get a gig as a standup comedian so I was trying to think up some New Years jokes. Man, I can't think of one! I've spent half the morning trying to make some pun on Baby New Year or Happy New Year but I got nothin'. Well, I work with this dude named Ed Noyer & I thought of saying "Happy No-yer" to him - but that's not a joke you can just bust out at Laughs Unlimited open mic. I'd have to be all "OK everyone, I work with this guy....".
Oh wait, here's a good one - when you leave work today, loudly proclaim "See you next year!" Watch their jaws drop & then, suddenly, they get it & they're all "you da man!". Get's 'em every year. Little known fact: I made that joke up years ago & now it's everywhere. I ain't mad though.
Here's some I just thought up:
What did OBL say to Baby New Year?
"Get out of the way Man!"
Who are Baby New Year's parents?
Babymomma & Babydaddy New Year
That's all you get - don't steal them! I was gonna come up with some stupid Adam & Eve joke like: Why didn't Adam go out on New Years? Cuz he was chillin' with New Years Eve - but I deemed it too stupid. Ask any comedian - you GOT to have standards.
See you next year!!!!
Friday, December 17, 2004
Gag me!
Check out the link Erik posted about the proposed CADA building richy lofts: http://www.capitollofts.com/docs/info.html
I quote:
For loft-owners, home is a creative urban sanctuary—a personal realm of peace with easy access to the urban energy just outside their door. It's a space that offers the ultimate in design freedom while still providing all the comforts of home. Lofts are exciting and inviting, and are as individualistic as the people who own them.
Barf!! These same statements would not be true if we were talking about apartments. Only "lofts". I haven't noticed a lot of "urban energy" in my neighborhood, unless by that you mean "old people obsessively raking and re-raking leaves". I often wonder where they are getting the energy to creat these giant leaf piles that completely block all parking spaces in the street. I guess they must be tapping into the urban loft energy of the R street corridor! These people are giving lofting a bad name!
I quote:
For loft-owners, home is a creative urban sanctuary—a personal realm of peace with easy access to the urban energy just outside their door. It's a space that offers the ultimate in design freedom while still providing all the comforts of home. Lofts are exciting and inviting, and are as individualistic as the people who own them.
Barf!! These same statements would not be true if we were talking about apartments. Only "lofts". I haven't noticed a lot of "urban energy" in my neighborhood, unless by that you mean "old people obsessively raking and re-raking leaves". I often wonder where they are getting the energy to creat these giant leaf piles that completely block all parking spaces in the street. I guess they must be tapping into the urban loft energy of the R street corridor! These people are giving lofting a bad name!
Separated at birth?
woodhouse (2)
Originally uploaded by becklerg.
If anyone doubts the resemblance, here is a comparison shot, courtesy of helpful reader Dr. Keat. Unfortunately, I can't upload them side-by-side cuz I don't have photoshop.
See ya next year!!
Well, I survived the work party and it wasn't too bad. I will probably not be blogging for a while because I get the next two weeks off (yay academia!). See you January 3rd!!
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