Monday, January 31, 2005


I am going to the grand opening of the new Luis' tonight. This is momentous for me. I can't believe I have had to suffer through half the winter with no 2 dollar bowl of chicken soup. Countless times I have been looking for a late-night snack and thought or said, "if Luis' was still in business, I'd be there right now". Yeah!!

I hope no one misunderstands my gentle teasing of local swingers to be disapproving. I'm no prude, that's for sure. I think it's fascinating that people can get drunk and sleep with their friends and roomates and then just hang out and watch basketball together the next day. It's not for me, and not because all my friends aren't sexy. Because you are. Well, maybe not you, but that other dude is. But you have to admit, it's kinda funny. The younger generation of orgy-ers that I know (Generation O?) have a light hearted attitude about it and I've heard them make jokes. Speaking of orgies, another poor soul about to leave their twenties is having a dirty thirty party this weekend. Who knows what debauchery may occur? Expect a full report, with names omitted to protect the revelers.

Shitty. Snotty. Elitist.

Did anyone catch this last comment after all the comments about local swingers, "Anonymous said...
maybe you should all be concerned about your shitty, snotty elitist attitudes instead of who's swinging whoo...just a thought....i'll keep this anonymous of course...."

Wise words indeed. Is that what swingers call it? "Swinging whoo"? Is that like that old-timey term "pitching woo"? Interesting. You learn something new everyday.

Speaking of learning something new, the New Yorker (which is one of the shitty, snotty elitist publications that I read, along with The Shitty Snotty Elitist Review) has an article where they talk about some new college thing, which is a hand-gesture called "the shocker". Apparently it refers to some sexual practice. You curl your ring finger under your thumb and leave three fingers extended. They said that no one over 25 knows what it is, but that 95% of college students do? What is this new thing?

Friday, January 28, 2005

i wanna go home

To answer your question, the acronym in the last post means "thank god it's friday at last jesus i'm tired.

T.G.I.F.A .A.L.J.I.T.

Wow, you friday afternoon slackers are really hittin' up the old blog, so I thought I'd reward you with another post. Problem is, I have nothing to say. I guess that never stopped me before! I hate that last post. I sound too snarky. I'll probably delete it, so memorize or paste it into word if you want to remember it forever.

I still felt that the Arab character in Ali:Fear eats the soul was a little simplistic and one-dimensional. However, I liked the way it was filmed and the last scene was a killer. It's my first Fassbinder movie so I should check out some more.

Michele, I like Alan Alda, too. Actually, more than like, I have a real fondness for him and as a pre-teen I had a wicked crush on Hawkeye Pierce. I thought he was miscast in The Aviator, though,and I certainly don't think he deserves an Oscar for that role.

This weekend I'll be attending a marathon punk show in SF with the Bananas and the Pipebombs. Monday and maybe Tuesday will be crazybusy at my work so I would appreciate a Miller guest blog, or a guest blog from anyone that wants to email me one.

a little venting here

Ok, so writing a letter to someone or something that is not going to read it and won't respond is a modern comedic device that's getting kind of tired, McSweeney's does it very well, see a really funny one here: , but in this case, I feel one is warranted.

Dear band, The Invisibles:

I had to sit through you last night while I was waiting for my friend to DJ. You are pretty much a run-of-the-mill crappy 80's re-hash band. But you know what sets you apart? Your psuedo-Nazi uniforms. That is what truly elevates you to insufferable pieces of shit. It's true, the Nazis looked really cool, and what with it being the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, your timing's really good, but seeing you prancing around and doing the 80's dance while wearing all black military-esque clothing and matching red arm bands with a white circle and a black nonsense symbol inside that implies a swastika without being so uncool as to actually be a swastika (I know, I know, it sucks, swastikas were so cool until those lame-ass skinheads started wearing them. They ruined the fashion of it for everyone), well, seeing this just makes me want to do something really violent to you. And you know what? I'm not a violent person. Really I'm not. I've never hit anyone except my little sister when I was a moody teen and Dave Smith once after a Peep-Off, but he really, really had it coming. Nevertheless, seeing you rock this look made me want to give you a hard, jack-booted (what is a jack-boot, anyway? I'm not really sure but if the Nazis wore them they must have been cool) kick to the head. Fuck you. You suck.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

paris hilton benji hooter

OK, I also want to know who this person is who ends up at my blog every week because they search for "benji hooter" or "paris hilton benji hooter". My blog is the only thing that comes up, this is not a real thing so why do you keep searching for it? Make yourself known! Leave a comment!

True lust?

OK, OK I just heard from secondhand from two former employees that there was some swinging going on at the True Love. This is shocking in light of the celebration of the beauty of their love that was going on weekly in the pages of the SN&R when that place first opened. Not to mention the fact that the SN&R also lamented the closing for weeks, but gave a phony reason having to do with the landlord and a vague promise that the place might re-open. Where's their hard-hitting expose?

Speaking of swinging, some of the group sex that happened at the Sac firehouse was after the Pornstar ball that they attended. And they are admitting in today's Bee that they might not be able to fire them because it wasn't specifically against the rules. I can't believe no one has made a joke about the name of the Sac Fire Chief, Joe Cherry. How about a headline that says, "Cherry popped again for sex violations in department"

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I'm chicken!

OK, I'm chicken and I don't want any of those True Love fanatics trying to kill me or forcing me to listen to their music. So I'm not printing the somewhat factual minorly salacious gossip that I heard. Fuhggedaboutit!

I find it interesting that as the new firefighter scandal continues, the Bee is now referring to the incident as "group sex", which as far as I know, means more than two people. So it was indeed not just the one lady, ahem, pulling a train as I believe it's called, there definitely was some fireman-on-fireman action. Also, apparently this is not specifically against the rules, so perhaps they will not be fired.

You heard it here first

MC Hammer was spotted at P.F. Chang's last night. Why? I have no idea, but as his server said, "It was Hammer time at table 44 last night". That reminds me, did you know that Hammer's hit album (the name escapes me right now) is one of the top two selling rap albums of all time? That's lame.

No more time to post now, but I'd like to stir up a little more local gossip later with some tidbits about the demise of the True Love.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Call 911! There's a three-alarm fire! In my pants!

That heading has nothing to do with my post but I wanted to use it anyway. Check this Craigslist MC out:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but he is saying the dog is sexy. The man is, too, presumably. This plus the "kind of a kid cut" hair and the librery spelling make this a weird post. I imagine a guy with hair like Adam from Eight is Enough running with a devastatingly handsome pitbull.

Devendra Banheart + R. Kelly?!?

Blogger is sucking it today. This post will probably try to erase itself. Ha, it did but I had copied it! I win!

I haven't written about any city planning stuff in a while, things seem to be heating up in the last few days. Evil Republican congressman Doug Ose who (surprise!) is filthy rich and owns a large portion of the land that the city wants to use in their scheme to finance the arena has weighed in and says he's not so sure he's going to go along with it. He and a couple of other land-0wning dissenters own about 20% of the land that the city plans to re-zone. He said that the city is being vague about how much, where, and when. That's because they have no actual plan. He said that the landowners are being asked to shell out millions to get this vague plan onto the ballot, with no guarantee that it will pass. That makes sense. This guy is so rich that he can wait until they zone his land for development, which could take a long time without the arena (oh, excuse me, arena and arts)plan. If he waits he gets to keep all the money. Also, there's an article in the Bee today about how the city is giving some property owners on K street an ultimatum in which they develop, or else. Eminent domain was even mentioned! Is that legal? It seems crazy that they could force the owners to develop. And do they get to decide? Let me guess, Starbucks, yes, sex shop no, and the city will seize your property.

So I guess with this new firefighter thing, I can't blame the Bee for stickin' it to em. After all, they've been stickin' it to each other! On the job!

In music news, the Fiery Furnaces EP is Fucking Fantastic! They're coming to SF on tour in April. If you like medlies, you're in luck. Did you catch the little Devendra Banheart item on Pitchfork where he mentions that R. Kelly came to his party? This is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I want to know more. And Sacto's own Justin Vandervolgen will be DJing in SF on thursday night at a club called Mighty at 119 Utah st. As I was checking their calendar, I noted that Francois K is djing the next day.

Fire in the hole!

Well the Sac Sexxeeee Firefighters are at it again:
I don't know about you, but I think this is kinda hot. Especially if the men were touching each other's hoses.

I'll write a longer post today after lunch.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Weekend Report

Man, the Kings looked pretty sorry last night, but being the lassez fair Kings fan that I am, I enjoyed watching the game because the Spurs looked so good. Ginoble was amazing and his new, improved biceps don't hurt with the eye-candy factor.

I missed out on the partying and psychedelic munching on friday night, so I didn't get to hear anyone utter the phrase "tripping balls" and I didn't get to find out if I can handle psychedelic drugs better than I used to, when I would invariably freak out. However, I did get to try the new, improved Taka's, and had a really nice dinner. We scanned the menu for the elusive "avocado scallop" and failing to find it, we settled for a roll that contained avocado and scallop. Is this a special item, only for those in the know? The roll was fried and tasted good. The edamame was free, there were no hotties in sight (besides Grace and I of course and we were sizzlin' in our one-shouldered tankers that said "byatch" and "i stole brad", our tightest seven jeans, and our platform white flip-flops), and the sushi dudes were not screaming and leering. A more pleasant environment than Nishiki or Mikuni, needless to say. Later we saw The Assassination of Richard Nixon, which was pretty good but mostly notable within this blog because some scenes were filmed at the Sac International(sorta) Airport with local extras.

Saturday night there were two different Sac-tacular shows in Davis and I went to both. The Four Eyes tore it up at the G-street pub, where their renditions of Ben Casey 1-6 were cracking me up, especially in Ben Casey 6 where Jay's backup vocals of "Ben Casey 6, he is having sex, Ben Casey 6 in dimension 6" rang throughout the pub. The Four Eyes played first, so we drove over to the DISC (Davis Indoor Sports Center). This is a bizarre place out by itself on a frontage road. The parking lot was packed with giant trucks, and when you step inside the smell assaults you. The whole place smells like a jock strap (umm...not that I would know what that smells like but if you happen to have any used ones laying around, send them to me because I know a guy that would pay good money for them) and there were at least a hundred bros in full hockey gear and a game in progress. Did I mention it's rollerblade hockey? It is. Also, they have competitive dodgeball. There is a strange bar area upstairs where the bands can play. It's glass enclosed so you can watch the hockey going on. The bar serves three kinds of beer on tap. A giant cup of Bud is 2 bucks. They also sell wine and sake bombs (?) for 4 bucks. At 12:30 Rock the Light was still not that close to going on so we bailed back to Sac. I'm sure they rocked it.

Thank you, oh goddess spirit

My mom told me that my fall was the result of the goddess spirit telling me "wake up and pay attention to your life". I think it might have actually been the goddess spirit saying "wake up and stop wearing Converse every day, you're 30 and you're not a member of the Strokes". Either way, it was clearly the goddess telling me something.

With all the working going on around here I fear that I shall never blog again. I'll try to write a substantial post some time today.

Friday, January 21, 2005


My back still hurts and I had lots of work to do so you should just read davey's blog. it's really funny:
have a good weekend!


I'm back, with a sore back! I'll try to post later, gotta work this morning.

Thursday, January 20, 2005


no blog today. i fell and hurt my back. i'm going home. maybe the doctor will give me the ludes i've been dreaming of.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Go Hornets!

I saw Coach Carter last night and it's no Friday Night Lights. In fact, it sucked. Heavy-handed, long-winded and over two hours long. I am tired today cuz I got to sleep late due to watching this movie. Curse you, Coach Carter! The best part is when one of the players tells Ashanti that he just got a scholarship to Sac State and hands her a Sac State t-shirt. Isn't Sac State's b-ball team like the opposite of undefeated (which I guess would be defeated)? The other best part is that Ashanti's character gets an abortion cuz she's pregnant with no way to support the baby. I figured the director would be scared of the issue and pull the whole "she got in a minor car accident and was OK but the baby miscarried" trick to avoid being picketed.

Does anyone else think the Pitchfork re-design sucks? I can't find the reviews or tell which ones are new and I think that Suicide girls shit is horrible. Why not just advertise Penthouse on your site? Oh yeah, it's not sexist cuz the girls have tattoos and ugly dreads. I forgot. I hope to get the new Fiery Furnaces ep, though. Tonevendor has it.

New restaurant!

Graswich has an item that refers back to my Escalade item. Apparently, some Escalade owners are not wasteful jerks cuz they get their heaps used. Right. Anyway, his column's good today, so check it out:

I ate at a new place last night. It's called Dragonfly. You may not have noticed it because of the blinding opulence of Zocalo, which it is right next to. By the way, has anyone noticed the weird patio lights at Zocalo? They look really expensive and kind of hobbit-y. Dragonfly is Asian-fusion. I know, lame. But, it's actually pretty good. I am kind of realizing that I was giving it a bit too much credit last night because I was anticipating writing a review and thought I can't slam every new restaurant. The inside is pretty nice, it has the ubiquitous TV but that's more over in the bar area and I couldn't see nor hear it from where I was sitting. It's all warm and dark red inside. It was pretty close to empty on a tuesday night around 6:30, while Zocalo was crammed to the gills. My sister and I split some veggie spring rolls. All the food came a little too quick for me. This might sound dumb, but the dishes came right away and each new one came before we had finished the other one. If the place was more crowded, this probably wouldn't be a problem. Anyway, the veggie spring rolls looked beautiful. They were garnished with bright ribbons of beets and there was a squiggle of mango sauce on the plate. They were very fresh tasting, but they lacked a certain something. I think if the dipping sauce had been spicier, instead of mostly just fruity, that would have helped. I wished there was some sriracha hot sauce on the table. I also got a Chimay ale on tap, which was pretty warm (maybe it's supposed to be?). I wanted wine, but they didn't have any wine by the glass for less than 7 bucks. That's lame!! They should have some cheapo cabernet for five or six. My sister and I each got a crispy calimari salad. Centro has a calimari salad that is great, so I thought it might be like that. Centro grills the calimari, not fries it, though. The salad was good, but I felt like it was a guilty pleasure cuz the greens were kinda bland so I was mostly just eating the same kind of generic fried calimari appetizer that I complain that all restaurants serve. But fried stuff is good, so it tasted good. Oh yeah, I should mention that unlike when I am at a Kurt Spataro restaurant, there were lots of items on the menu that sounded good, and that I might like to try some other time. There was a whole group of pretty pricey entrees along the lines of "grilled ahi steak with wasabi mashed potatoes". Dragonfly also had a list of about ten of those fancy kind of sushi rolls, with all the sauce and crap. We split a Kamon roll. It was gigantic, but for 14 bucks, it better be. It had shrimp tempura inside and maybe avocado, and some raw tuna on the top that had been mixed with sauce. The whole thing had been lightly seared along the top, probably with a little blow-torch thingy, and that added a good charred flavor. Hmm...can a charred flavor be good? Well, you know what I mean. It was really tasty. The server was really nice but not too hover-y even though she didn't really have any other customers. Oh yeah, our hostess looked dead-on like a foxy Vulcan. So, altogether, thumbs up!! But I would bet that it goes out of business, so if you're interested you should probably go soon.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Keep Saving the Tower!! Forever!

There is an article in the Bee today about how the city council's hopes for building more screens at the downtown plaza are fading. I guess the city has for now put their 5 mill subsidy to Westfield on hold because they are freaking about this Wal-Mart thing. Good. There are already plenty of screens there and that's a waste of tax dollars. Steve Cohn said something about using the money for housing. Good idea. There was another "Save the Tower Rally" and screening last night. If any reader went I would love a report. A certain homzee I know pointed out that it's a bit tacky to hold this event on MLK day. Especially since the corporate flacks had flown out and were probably crying poor again. By the way, their "save the tower" website is almost impossible to find just by using the obvious search words and no one is updating it. While I was searching, I found this old article in the sac biz journal about how the company that owns Tower is continually losing money:
I'm not surprised.

Has anyone noticed the shitstorm brewing at the SacBee because of an editorial cartoon? I couldn't find the cartoon to link, but I saw it in the paper. It's a three panel, the heading is something about the Sac Fire Department. The first panel is three firefighters raising a flag (like the 9/11 thing) only the flag has a Playboy bunny on it. The second panel is modeled on the picture of the firefighter with the baby from Oklahoma City, only he's carrying a girl in a bikini and saying "hey babe", and the third is a truck pulling up to the mayor and saying "wanna lift". I thought the first panel was kinda funny. The Bee is catching tons of shit for this. They published an editorial in which the writer said that the people that are writing from outside the Sac area are the ones getting the angriest. While I'm not outraged at the disparaging of firefighters in general, to the Bee I say: enough already. Let up on the fire dudes. Graswich should stop sticking it to them. Unless they do something new. And using a fire truck to propose to your girlfriend does not count as a new offense in my book (or my blog, I guess). That was lame that people made a big deal over that. It's not like they were letting a fire rage on just cuz some guy wanted to use the truck for a few minutes to propose. Jeez!

Guest King's Analysis

Luckily, Dan Barnes has written a guest post on the Christie trade to give me a jump-start for the blog this week. I have a couple things I wanna write about, but I'll probably post them after lunch. Take it away, Dan: (stupid blogger formatted his post in a poetry-type style cuz I pasted it from email but rather than taking time to fix it, just pretend it's one of those fancy, non-rhyming poems)

I apologize for taking so long in delivering this basketball analysis, but
legislation was blowing up last week. Vermont is regulating syrup levels,
Michigan is trying to outlaw handshaking between junior high school girls,
and the less said about Maryland the better (which, coincidentally enough,
is also Maryland's state motto). But let's talk about the important
business at hand: the trade of Doug Christie.

Although Christie has been a fan favorite in Sacramento, most of the people
I know have been sharply divided on his worth--either he's a brilliant
shut-down defender and team catalyst or he's an overrated choker who is
destroying the team. Personally, I side with the former argument -- you can
question Christie's decisionmaking, but you can't question his effort or his
heart OR his defensive prowess. And when the team disintegrated in the
second half last season, Christie was the only one who showed up to play
every night.

Still, I feel this is a great trade and has to be looked at in the context
of the great recent trades that shaped this team: Mitch Richmond for Chris
Webber, Jason Williams for Mike Bibby, Scot Pollard for Brad Miller, and
even Corliss Williamson for Doug each case, the Kings traded a
top contributor and a fan favorite for a player relatively unknown outside
of NBA fanatic circles. And in each case, the team traded up.
I think that the problem that led to the Christie trade was that in recent
years the Kings have become increasingly old and brittle...the injection of
athleticism that players like Maurice Evans, Kevin Martin, Matt Barnes,
Eddie House and Darius Songaila have administered is causing them to rethink
the makeup of the team...the Kings rode horses like Vlade Divac and Doug
Christie as long as they could and fell short. Time to move on.

Also, Christie does have plantar fasciaitis, which never gets better, he is
about 35, and can't be counted on for offense like before. You used to be
able to count on Chrsitie for 10-12 points a game. Now you're lucky to get
5. It makes it too easy for other teams to put their best defender, which
is usually a shooting guard, on Peja or Bibby, which makes Christie the
point guard in the offense. Which takes the ball out of Mike Bibby's hands,
which is not good. Cuttino Mobley gives you that extra guard scoring that
Christie is unable to provide anymore. Mobley is also every bit the
defender that Christie is today, although not quite as good as Christie in
his prime.

And what about off the court? I feel that "locker room" chemistry is one of
the most overrated commodities in the NBA. Certainly, bad chemistry CAN
kill a team, but the Kings have proved that great chemistry does jack shit
for you in Game 7. And the Lakers won 3 bad chemistry championships before
they pushed the envelope too far last season.

As for Christie, pink sweaters, pointless pointing, and a Guantanamo
Bay-like marriage are hard to replace. Maybe it will go over well in
Orlando. One thing I'd like to keep fresh in your minds, however, is that
Christie's marriage was publicized in the last couple of years only because
of a sexual harrassment case filed against them by a former Kings employee.
This woman was fired for the crime of delivering a phone message to Doug
Christie, who of course is forbidden to have any contact with a woman who
isn't his wife...when the case finally became public, the spin machine fired
up as the Bee and other media outlets started printing self-justifying
articles about the Christie's "unique" but devoted marriage. The public ate
it up, and a clear-cut case of sexual discrimination was forgotten. So
long, Doug!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Love Food

Hi, Miller here. If you were to ask me "what's the best restauant in Sac?", I would tell you that in my opinion, it's the Waterboy. But if you were to ask me "what's your FAVORITE restaurant in Sac?", I would tell you without hesitation that it is the fabulous June's Cafe. The reason I'm telling you this is because I just returned from there & had what I consider the ideal June's lunch experience. But before I go in to that, let me explain to the uninitiated what the deal with June's is. June is Japanese & her husband Dennis is American. My theory is that one day when they were young & poor, they opened up the refrigerator & all that was in there were the dregs of both his & her last trip to the store. So June took out the hot dog, the rice, the onion & the teriyaki sauce & invented her now signature dish: Wienie Teriyaki. She would later add an egg to this dish & bring Wienie Royal in to the world. So while there is some straight Japanese food on the menu (though it's still very much June's style - it has an unmistakeable 'diner' quality to it), the favorites remain the "combo dishes". There's the Hamburger Steak which is a huge slab of ground beef over rice with her signature macaroni salad on the side. This dish is best enjoyed with ketchup. And Loco Moco which is apparently a Hawaiian dish that some of June's friends told her about when they got back from Hawaii so June tried her hand at it based on how they described it. June claims that people tell her that her's is better than any they've had in Hawaii. So yes, as I was saying about my ideal June's experience - the first good sign is that it was empty. When June is busy do NOT even bother if you have to, say, go back to work within an hour or so. If 20 people come in there & all order Chicken Teriyaki, she will still make each plate one at a time. I like to think that she believes this makes each plate special & full of love. I went there the other day & experienced the inexplicable June's curse: "he who takes someone to June's for the first time will experience an insane & unexplainable wait". I brought someone assuring them it was the best, we ordered our food at 1:00, and at 2:00 I was on June's phone calling my work telling them I was going to be 20 minutes late as June assured me my lunch was almost ready. And you can't plan around this since half her clientele is older Japanese men (they ALWAYS get Wienie Teriyaki) who saunter in at whatever hour they feel like. So it was empty today which means I got the full treatment. Dennis is sitting there reading the paper(sometimes it seems like he's on permanent break, but hey, he's a retired fireman so he's off the hook. The fire dept presented him with a big plaque with an axe mounted to it for his retirement which hangs prominently on the wall of the cafe) & he slowly gets up to serve June's award-winning macaroni salad. Nobody I know can quite put their finger on what exactly makes this so good but I know she has a secret ingredient because recently I tried to get her to write down the recipe so I could frame it & give it to someone I know (who REALLY likes it) for Christmas. I thought 'hell, I've been coming here for at least 12 years now, she'll give it to me' but no, she just thought about it for a second & promised to give it to me when she retired. Apparently June doesn't understand how devastated I'll be when that day comes & that no macaroni salad recipe is going to help ease the pain. So yes, I eat the macaroni salad & read a little until Dennis gets around to bringing the also-award-winning miso soup. By this time another customer has come in & starts talking to Dennis & June & somehow the conversation comes around to tequila (I can't picture June drinking tequila, though I'm sure Dennis has some partying under his belt). The guy tells June that he likes Cabo Wabo tequila & then says "y'know - Sammy Haggar." "Oh yeah" says June - exhibiting her amazing capacity for agreeing with everything whether or not she really does. Or not even agreeing, just acknowledging everything as if it's understood. I could walk in there & say "June I just went on a killing spree" & she'd say "Oh yeah? Good". There's something on the menu called Hamburger Royal which is eggs scrambled with onions & ground beef over rice (everything at June's is over rice). It's a popular one. She also has something on the menu called Hamburger Egg which could probably get more popular if she'd ever let anyone order it. I guarantee that if you go in there & order it, she'll direct you to Hamburger Royal instead. I think she's worried that you don't know what you're getting in to. It's not bad or anything but it's kinda goopy. Before Dennis retired & came to "work" at June's she had a series of little Japanese ladies helping out. One of these ladies & I were in love (I never could understand what June was saying when she called her by name). She would always call me "sonny" & wink at me & give me little treats like kim chee or weird little candy while I waited for my food. And whenever I would drink my first glass of water really fast she'd accuse me of drinking too much beer the night before with this little laugh. I have to admit this did genuinely embarass me because she was usually right & she knew it. So no matter what - even if I was dying of thirst - I'd always sip my water really slow if I could at all help it. Now this lady REALLY hated the Hamburger Egg. Anytime somebody ordered it, she wouldn't even try & redirect them - she'd just make this horrible face like "don't do it!". She didn't even seem to mind if June saw her do it. A goal of mine was to have tried everything on the menu so of course the fateful day was inevitable when I had to get Hamburger Egg. I ordered it & the lady made the face but I insisted & finally she wrote it down on her little pad & gave me this look like she was no longer responsible for what happened. It wasn't bad but maybe I just liked it because I was expecting a plate of putrid eggs & raw hamburger. So yes, again, back to today's ideal experience - sure enough, someone came in & ordered Hamburger Egg & faithfully June convinced them to get Hamburger Royal instead. She kinda just TELLS people to get that instead as opposed to suggesting it. June's so agreeable though that people don't seem to notice. It cleared out again so June sat down at my table & we shot the breeze. She told me about people she's had to kick out. I guess that once some guy came in with his own can of Campbell's soup & sat down & used her condiments to spice it up right in the can. That pissed her off. And she told me about some kids that always walked by & hit her windows really hard & at first she yelled at them which didn't work, so instead she gave them some candy & now they walk by & wave at her instead of banging on the windows. She was proud of that one. Speaking of June's windows, once Jay was having a post-June's smoke & he was kinda leaning on her front window & the whole window busted out & broke everywhere. Of course he felt horrible but June seemed more concerned with letting him know it was OK & that she had insurance. I lived with Jay at the time & a few days later the phone rang. I answered it & it was for Jay. I told them he wasn't home. "Oh, well this is June & I just wanted to make sure that he knows he can come back & it's no big deal." Can you fucking handle that!? If that doesn't convince you that this place is the best than maybe nothing will. Oh yeah, and she gave me a June's t-shirt on my birthday which is very sporty. Oh wait, one more thing, as I left today, she handed me a to-go container of the macaroni salad on the house because she probably feels a little badly that she wouldn't give me the recipe.
And that's my essay on June's Cafe. May it NEVER close down!


Gas attack!

Thanks for the link, Allen, that art's amazing!! I'm sure you've heard about the Cali bigfoot museum, right? Here's the info: It's really close to where my lab is having our retreat, so I may be able to go in April and report back. There's also another amazing website: I love the featured believer part. And you obviously need to order that patch immediately!

I was striding quickly down R street (oh I meant the R Street Corridor, Future Home of Wall-to-Wall Upscale Luxury Lofts TM) last night, keeping my eyes peeled for the Southside Flasher and as I approached Hitomi I was wondering again how it stays in business and thinking it looks deserted for a thursday night when lo and behold I caught a glimpse through the window and saw about 12 red hat ladies!! I almost waved but decided against it.

Ate at Lucca's last night. I won't write a long rant or anything, I just don't think I'll be eating there again. Cream sauce should not taste like they threw a dollop of mayo in there to flavor it up. Prawns should not be overcooked to the point of toughness. No one needs 10 whole roasted garlic cloves in their pasta. Not to be indelicate, but this led to the kind of gas that I have never experienced the likes of before. Luckily, I suffered alone, while reading one of the WORST ROCK BOOKS EVER WRITTEN! It's called (I think) Glory Days. It purports to be about Bruce Springsteen in the 80's (sounds great, right?) but it is really an interminable list of show after show and what Bruce said and which songs he played in what order. No personal gossip or anything! There was some cool stuff about the writing of Nebraska. I found out that he originally intended it to be a demo that he would E-streetify with synths and sax up the wazoo and that he only did 2 or 3 takes of some of the songs, which were the versions that ended up on the record. That album would be on my top ten albums of all time list, if I were ever to try to compose such a list, which I wouldn't want to do.

Thursday, January 13, 2005


Originally uploaded by becklerg.

What an asshole. I guess it's not surprising. He can't help it. Hundreds of years of inbreeding usually leads to decreased intelligence.

Speaking of racism, check out the new cover of People mazazine. If you were judging by that cover, you'd think that all the people that died in the tsunami were Scandinavian. That's offensive. I guess those are the People that matter to People. Maybe they should change the name to White People

Red hats? Purple sequins?

I actually feel a little sheepish about the Graswich thing cuz it didn't turn out very funny. Oh well. At least I got to use the word sheepish in a sentence.

There was an article in the Bee the other day (sunday, I think) about a meeting of the Red Hat Society, Is it just me, or is this article completely condescending? Haven't heard of the red hat society? Here's a link: It's a social club for women over 50. They are supposed to wear red hats and purple outfits. I am obsessed with this club because to me it represents the invisibility of women over 50 in our culture. Once they're not considered attractive anymore, I think most people ignore middle aged women. I'm glad these ladies have a way to get together and geek out. But to combat it by wearing these god-awful outfits is too bad. I'm just surprised my mom isn't into this yet. She did dye her hair pink a few years ago to attract attention. Here's a poem about the red hat society:

"Ode to the Red Hat Society"by Sue Ellen Cooper
A poet put it very well.
She said when she was older,
She wouldn't be so meek and mild. She threatened to get bolder.
She'd put a red hat on her head, and purple on her shoulder.
She'd make her life a warmer place,
her golden years much golder.
We read that poem, all of us,
and grasped what she is saying.
We do not need to sit and knit,
although we all are graying.
We think about what we can do.
Our plans we have been laying.
Instead of working all the time,
we'll be out somewhere playing.
We take her colors to our hearts,
and then we all go shopping
For purples clothes and hats of red,
with giant brims a-flopping.
We're tired of working all the time,
and staying home and mopping.
We order pies and chocolate fudge,
and rich desserts with topping.
We crown ourselves as duchesses and countesses and queens.
We prove that playing dress-up isn't just for Halloween.
We drape ourselves in jewels,
feathers, boas, and sateen.
We see ourselves on television and in magazines.
We laugh, we cry, we hug a lot.
We keep each other strong.
When one of us goes out for fun,
the rest all go along.
We gad about, we lunch and munch,
in one big happy throng.
We've found the place where we fit in,
the place we all belong.

Anyway, I don't want to bag on this because it seems mean. Just thought I'd tell you a little about it in case you hadn't heard of it. There's also something else similar to this, although not as popular just yet, it's a clothing line called Quackers. I had read about it in the NYtimes, and it's the same kind of thing. It's a line of wacky sweatshirts and if you see another lady wearing one it's an excuse to make friends. They are pretty garish and always have an embroidered animal motif. Here's an excerpt from an article about the founder:

Jeanne's customers are also her fans, and they are passionate about Jeanne's Quacker Factory line of clothing. When asked about her key to success, Jeanne modestly replies, "Luck and loving what I do," but we know better. That is, surely, part of Jeanne's success is due to her understanding that other women share her own desire for clothing that is comfortable, individual, embellished and identifiable. Jeanne's customers are a loyal bunch because they are not just buying her clothing; they are buying into her positive attitude and joie de vivre. This is not just evidenced on her many Web sites, where fans join together to share their lives, loves and interests, but also by The Quacker Cruise. The bonds between Jeanne and her fans, or "Quackers" as they call themselves, are so strong, they even vacation together. Jeanne might design and manufacture clothing, but she offers much more. Love, acceptance, courage and self-confidence are just some of the added value she offers with her clothing. You need only tune into one of the Quacker Factory shows on QVC or visit the Quacker chat room on Yahoo to experience the devotion of her fans and the rapport they share with Jeanne.

I find this phenomenon (phenomena?) fascinating and sad. Why do middle-aged ladies in the U.S. feel such a lack of connection in our culture? How can people base friendships on such a small thing as being over 50 or wearing a loud sweatshirt? Where is the stuff like this for old dudes? And more importantly, will this happen to me and my friends?

Dan, I'm still hoping for a new Kings analysis but I understand you might have actual work to do and might not have time.

Michele, thanks for the top 10 list. Very interesting. Even though I didn't like The Life Aquatic that much, I have this weird thing with Wes Anderson movies where I don't like them the first time I see them, but I start liking them more and more as time passes and I watch them again. I think I am overwhelmed by the look and the music and the fussy details the first time. I finally re-watched the Royal Tenenbaums and this time I really liked it, but the first time I was distracted by what everyone was wearing and trying to recognize the songs.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Finally I've made it in!!

Can't think of heading

I gotta take pictures of brains this morning, but I'll try to post later.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

My mouth feels funny. Still.

Well, I can't read the SacBee to see what they're saying about Christie cuz the page won't open on my computer. I'm wondering if people are just flooding it with hits because of the trade or if my connection is slow.

First thing, my dentist shot up the wrong side of my mouth with Novocain. And he fucking sucks at hiding the needle. I saw the gargantuan thing looming in my peripheral vision numerous times. And it took him like five minutes for each shot. I've administered shots. Just press the fucking plunger already. Another thing I hate about this dentist is that his assisstant always laughs at me when I've got shit screwed into my mouth. She's done this twice now. One time she told me I looked really funny and asked if I wanted to see a mirror. Today she snickered and the dentist said, "Don't laugh" in a laughing tone and she said "I can't help it". You've been a hygienist for years bitch is it funny to you every fucking time?! And it cost 150 bones. That's enough. No more complaining.

No more Christie??!!??

I haven't blogged because I was at the dentist. I'm drooling and numb as I type this-so what's new!!

I will post later, probably, but I would like to solicit a guest post from Mr. Barnes on the monumental trade of Doug Christie. Dan, I can give you my email again if you don't still have it.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Believe it or plotz!

Too good to be true but it is. Someone just ended up at my blog cuz they searched for the phrase "tiny vulvas". I can't believe I have used the word vulva in my post. I'm not sure where I did.

New blog

Hah!! So by snooping on who was referred to my blog by other blogs I have found the new blog of the elusive Dave Ninja. This oughtta be good: I hope Dave's site is prepared for the massive flood of hits he will get as my loyal readers log on (they do whatever I tell them). If it crashes at least he will know why.

Graswich replies!

Yes!! Graswich replied and said he will "try to find a place" for my tip about the Escalade owner!!!

The Bee has the worst headline ever today, it's in a story about the Kings getting beaten by the New Orleans Hornets, but it took me a minute to even figure what the fuck they were talking about. The headline is "Going down on the bay-eww". There are a few reasons why this is a weird headline, but I won't parse it because I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself.

This weekend I headed back to the dreaded Davis. There aren't many things that can lure me to cross the causeway on my day off, but a Feeling show is one of them. It was at Espresso Roma by campus. The Feeling were in fine form and besides a few squares who walked out, everyone enjoyed it. We went to Woodstock's at Mike's insistence but I thought the pizza was pretty crappy. But I don't really like pizza, so I guess I can't judge. Well, to qualify that, I like Zelda's pizza and real New York pizza and that's about it.

What Sac news has been interesting me lately. I did pick up a book at Beer's yesterday called "Sacramento, City of Trees" which I have yet to browse through, but I believe it tells the story of why Sac has so many trees and then goes into the many different types. I want to know the real name of the jizz trees so when I am cursing for their noxious smell I can do it in Latin.

I need some filler to spice up this entry because it's pretty boring, so here are some new search terms that people have used and ended up at heckasac. Forgive me if I already printed some of them:

paris Hilton bong
dekok scientology
nolia clap song where merced at?
frida kahlo curtain beads (this one's funny because my entry was railing against these at the Tower cafe!)
someone searched for paris benji hooter again!
kiedis girlsfriend November
another benji hooter!
Fergie black eyed peas exclusive interview
sikh parade pictures yuba city
pearl necklace
sri lanka tsunami man with osama t-shirt
"anais pinhead"
peja stojakovic baby girlfriend supermodel
steve vanoni
"heather conway" san Francisco
"the yes men" ostertag

that's all for now

Friday, January 07, 2005

Late post

I went to the new location of the Plantation restaurant last night (it's still on Del Paso Blvd., it's just a few blocks down). The owners have decided to make the place fancier and the new location is beautiful. The building looks quite old, 80+years, I'm sure, and there is nice exposed brick in spots. They now serve beer, wine, and mixed drinks from an attractive wooden bar. There is a white baby grand (I'm guessing) piano and a guy pleasantly tickling the ivories with songs like "my funny valentine" and other standards. We were ushered into the dining room area which features a mural of prominent African-Americans arising from grass and trees, which produces an effect that is kind of Lord of the Rings-esque. There was one family of three in the dining room, and us.

The Plantation has been in this location for a month and half and some things are still a bit rough around the edges. The server was good but still seemed a bit inexperienced. Our food came pretty quickly, but most of the stuff on my plate was cold, which is a problem I've had at the plantation before. I ordered the fried catfish with a side of mac and cheese and a side of black-eyed peas and rice. The fish was warmer than the other stuff and was crispy and tasty. There were two pieces, one of which really had no meat on it at all. The mac and cheese was great, which I knew it would be because I had ordered it before. The black-eyed peas were bland and I had to douse them with Krystal hot sauce but still ended up leaving most of them on the plate. Three other people in my party ordered the country-fried steak and all of them said it was much too salty and that they would expect the quality of the meat to be better for a dish that costs about 14 bucks. My dining companions pronounced the fried chicken "OK", which is how I felt about it when I ordered it at the old location. The yams are great, and the greens are good.

We split a peach cobbler for dessert and it was a disappointment. I remembered the delicious carrot cake from last time so I expected quality from the cobbler. It too had been inadequately warmed and was floating in a pool of oversweet-overcinnamoned syrup.

I think that this place still has potential and they have done wonders with the ambiance, the kitchen just needs to get their shit together a little bit. There is no excuse for the food to be cold on more than one visit. I could see it happening as a freak occurrence when one entree is accidentally prepared too early or something, but it seems to be a recurring problem. Use a little more spice (or use a lot more spice, I'd be cool with that) and maybe throw in a hamhock here and there to liven up the sides. I hope to see improvements because this is a pleasant place to eat and I plan to go back.

Oh yeah, they're still open until midnight every night except friday and saturday, when they're open until 3:00 am. That rules!!

Too busy to blog!!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

That's not music, that's just noise!

A tip to my readers: If you drink a big cup of Peet's coffee at 7:30, you will probably not be able to go to sleep at 11:30, regardless of how much whiskey you have surreptitiously poured into said cup.

I got tricked into going to a noise show at Tonevendor last night because I didn't realize it was a noise show. I thought there was one noise band and then regular bands, but actually there were five noise bands. Or maybe not, I left after the second noise band. The bands were not bad, they were just noise bands and I don't think I will ever like any noise band. Except Maroon 5, but they make noise accessible to the masses. The only amusing part of the night, besides noting the profusion of Robin Hood-style boots on the ladies, were Millers noise band jokes, which I will share with you here:

Q: What did the noise dude say to his therapist?

A: (low grinding noise, followed by brief, high squealing noise)

Q: What did the noise dude say to his girlfriend?

A: Psych! Noise dudes don't have girlfriends!

I am trying to work on a joke about noise dudes all having beards, but it's not coming to me.

I ate at the Plum Blossom at 19th and J during the show because it was the closest place and I have to say it's pretty lame. From the outside, it looks like it would be a casual dining place, where you would just walk up to the counter and order (which is why I wanted to go), but it is actually a sit-down restaurant. It was pretty generic-looking inside and the front wall was dominated by a huge, flat-screen TV tuned to Fox News. Flat screen TVs are the scourge of Sacto restaurants. Why? Why? Why must every restaurant, no matter how upscale, have twenty TVs inside? I walked by Zocalo (which is the closest I'll ever get to eating there, unless it's on a dare) and marvelled at how the owners took so much care and expense in the design and then just slapped a bunch of TVs all around, thereby ruining the ambiance. Because the human eye is naturally drawn to a TV, against my will I kept having to look at Bill O'Reilly while I ate. Oh yeah, that's right, I say "look at" rather than "watch" because the TV was turned on with the sound off but no subtitles. What is the point of that? I couldn't watch it even if I wanted to!!!! Aaaaah!!!

Anyway, I ordered a pork bun. It was not good, but then again, I guess I should know better than to order any pork product that cost seventy-five cents. However the same type of pork bun at Gam Lae Sig was much better. I tried to order a sesame noodle dish, but the waitress said that is no longer on the menu. Since their menus are one photocopied slip of paper, you would think that they could perhaps just make some accurate new menu copies, but maybe the menu is a work in progress. I settled on (lame) fried rice because their menu was pretty boring and typical (you know, General Tso's chicken and all that jazz), but quite a few of the dishes were either 8 or ten bucks and I had just wanted something cheap and quick. The fried rice was just what you would expect. Filling, that's about it. I don't recommend this place.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Paris Hilton in panties. Yawn.

This link is mostly for Michael, but if anyone wants to see the Paris Hilton video that Vincent Gallo shot, go here: Click on the link on the word "is" and you'll go to it. For people at work, she's in her underwear, not naked, but it is a little racy.

There's a show at Tonevendor tonight that seems interesting. Some South American band or something? Starts at 7:00, link here: I checked the Tonevendor top 20 and I haven't heard of any of the bands on it.

Another interesting fact: my blog is now getting a lot of hits because of Miller's mention of the kid in the Osama t-shirt. If you search for this picture, depending on the combination of words you search with, you may end up with my page as the first hit. Weird.

Attention ladies!! Southside flasher!!

I guess at least three girls that we've all probably seen around (so who knows how many there have been that aren't in our social circle) have been flashed in the area around the Flame Club and Southside Park (in other words, my neighborhood). This guy isn't one of those nasty pervs that simply passively flashes or jerks off, he's really agressive and scary. He chases the women and even threw one against a fence!! The lady who got thrown against the fence called the cops and they said there have been many reports about this guy. I don't have a description yet, but I'll try to get one. Simply crossing the street or even running away won't deter him, and he chased two women that were walking together, so everyone should be really careful. I walked from my house to the new Safeway by myself the other night before I knew about this and there was a three block stretch on S that's really deserted and was creeping me out, and I got chills thinking about that when I heard about this guy. Maybe I will try to tip off Graswich, but he didn't even respond to my last tip and now I feel dumb.

You guys should post your movie lists!! I'm really curious.

I have been craving a hamburger so I went to Nationwide Freezer Meats last night and it did not fucking disappoint. Those burgers are so good I almost plotzed. If there is anyone in Sac who has never had a burger there drop what you are doing right now and go get the ground steakburger with cheese and you will see the light.

Frighteningly, the Doug and Jackie Christie may be getting their own reality show:
I can't wait to see their freakiness documented on the boob tube. Their relationship isn't just close, it's unnatural. I predict they'll be divorced within a few years. Or he will snap. This article is kinda funny. I don't know if the reporter is trying to pad it or what, but there is a bunch of copy on the popularity of reality TV. Thanks, the Bee, you're about three years behind the times on breaking this shocking news.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


I like this missed connections, it's sweet:

My fave movies of 2004

Here's the website to find all the releases:

I'd just like to point out that a movie called "Chooch" was released this year.

Here's my top 10:

1. Before Sunset
2. Eternal Sunshine
3. Control Room
4. The Mother
5. Vera Drake
6. Hmmm....this part was easy but as I scan the list of the others I can't rank them because I feel that they are not good enough to be in my top ten. So we'll call it a top five, with 6 other notable movies of the year in no particular order:

Miracle (best sports movie, although I liked Friday Night Lights, too)
The Forgotten (silliest movie that made me jump the most)
Shaun of the Dead (funniest)
Secret Window (mediocre movie saved by Johnny Depp)
Birth (interesting and pretty to look at but pretty dumb)
Kill Bill 2 (best action)
Undertow (most intriguing work by a fairly new director who needs to quit biting Terence Malick's style so hard)

Worst movies of 2004:
1. Code 46-a horrible piece of shit that everyone involved wish they could forget about, I'm sure
2. The Ladykillers-a real clunker by the Cohen brothers. They need to quit smoking so much weed or something.
3. The Stepford Wives-Eech! Obvious test-audience influence and last-minute panic-induced editing.

Walked out on:
What the Bleep
Door in the Floor (walked out after sex scene between Kim Basinger and teenager that I was waiting to see, although I waited until it a few minutes after the scene was over so I wouldn't look like a perv)
This is far fewer movies than I usually walk out on in a year, maybe I am getting more patient.

Print it Graswich!!

I just submitted my second tip to R.E. Graswich. Someday he's going to print one of them. This one involved an Escalade owner who was parked in a handicapped spot (well, in the spot next to the handicapped spot, you know, the crosshatched spot that is so that a chairlift thing can work, and I'm sure he didn't know it was a handicapped spot, so this is different than assuming someone is not handicapped when they may be, plus the only handicap this guy had was obviously mental). I told him it was a handicapped spot and he yelled, "mind your own fucking business" and squealed out of the parking lot.

I have some stuff to do until this afternoon, so check back then. Maybe I'll post my movie top ten. I'll bet you can't wait. Here's a teaser: MXP: Most Extreme Primate is not on it but probably should be.

Monday, January 03, 2005

party of the year

So, holiday wrap up. Hmm...Miller's party: PARTY OF THE YEAR. For me, that is. Others may say heritage party. I stuck to my intoxication plan (the serious partiers always have a plan) so that I would not pass out early as I always do at Miller's party. I paced my drinking, remembering (unlike some I could mention) that although Apple Jack tastes like delicious candy it is really the Devil's Candy (not candy cigarettes like you would think). I took a pill and talked waaaaay to much so sorry if I cornered you with a manic look in my eye. Three embarassing things I did (I like to torture myself by thinking about them later so I might as well share them with you): trapped a med student in the line for the bathroom and told her about my breast ultrasound, told a dirty joke in front of Johnny's mom, and continued my weird habit of talking about my bowel movements when I'm fucked up by informing a very tall man at the party that the pill I had taken was making me want to take a crap. He replied "yeah, sometimes the uppers will do that" and quickly exited the room.

The djing was excellent, with Jason D. being the standout DJ of the year for me (as usual). A so-called friend of mine claimed the next day that dancehall is not good to dance to and, eyes bulging, I shouted "go to Jamaica and tell them that!! Try telling that to Elephant Man!!" Touche. This same person was heard to slander R. Kelly within the walls of my home, which is grounds for immediate eviction. Sadly, due to the non-attendance by a certain Mr. D.L., there was no sportin' it (I think, unless I missed it). There didn't even seem to be that much chanting. But, everyone danced and yakked (and in my case, babbled) into the wee hours of the morning.

I have blogged all that I can blog today (so much for my vow to quit slacking at work), so I'll continue the holiday wrap up tomorrow.

Tudor wanted?

Originally uploaded by becklerg.

I know this is a cheap shot at someone's poor spelling , so sue me. Or as Petrovich would say, bring it. This is a weird post for a couple of reasons, not just funny because of the spelling. "A payment can be arranged" sounds like a mob thing. And, best of all, NO need to be good at math. Why would a math tudor need to be good at math?


Thanks, Miller for posting in my absence but it did give me a start when I logged on.

First off, what the fuck is going on with the MIA thing on Craiglist in missed connections?!?! These people are the worst.

Secondly, I saw a list of banned words from 2004 but it was dumb so I thought of a couple words and phrases. In the last paragraph, you'll notice I wrote out "what the fuck" instead of WTF. I am sick of that. Yes, I have written that before, but still. Also, "sausage party" for a party where there are a lot of dudes. And of course, the hated "I just threw up in my mouth a little". Please feel free to add any more if this dumb blog format lets you comment.

I will soon be listing my top ten movies of 2004 and would like to see others. I've been excited about this for a while, not sure why.

Wait a minute!

Well, I'm back, but unfortunately, even though I often have long stretches of not much to do around here, apparently if I'm gone two entire weeks some work does accumulate. So, no time to blog. Sorry, faithful readers, but check back later I'm sure I'll have a little time to catch you up on the drama, the gossip, the local politics, the hook-ups, the smack-downs, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat that occurred among the lofters this holiday season.