Friday, August 07, 2009

Dudes. On. Stilts.

I was trying to keep this a secret, but the cat's out of the bag. This weekend I'm heading to Cave-In-Rock Illinois for the annual gathering of the juggalos. Lotus!

What is a juggalo you ask? Well, he's down with the clown, for life. And:

What is a juggalo?
Lemme think for a second. (well? )
Oh, he gets butt naked.
And then he walks through the street winkin at freaks,
Wit a two-liter stuck in his butt-cheeks!
What is a juggalo?
He just dont care.
He might try to put a weave in his nut hair.
Cuz he could give a fuck less what a bitch thinks,
He tell her that her butt stinks, and all that,
What is a juggalo?
He drinks like a fish,
And then he starts huggin people like a drunk bitch,
Next thing hes pickin fights with his best friends,
Then he starts with the huggin again, fuck,
What is a juggalo?
A fuckin lunatic.
Somebody with a rope tied to his dick,
Then he jumps out a ten-story windowéééoh!
(chorus:)
What is a juggalo?
A juggalo? if thats what it is, well fuck if I know.
What is a juggalo?
I dont know, but Im down with the clown, and Im down for life, yo.
(end chorus)
(chorus)
(vocal breakdown)
What is a juggalo?
A dead body.
Well he aint really dead, but he aint like anybody
That youve ever met before.
Hell eat monopoly and shit out connect four.
What is a jug-
What the fuck? connec-man, that shits wack.
Dont worry bout my shit, just rap, mutha fucker.
What is a juggalo?
He aint a bitch boy.
Hell walk through to the hills and beat down a rich boy.
Walks right in the house where ya havin supper,
And dip his nuts in ya soupéébloop!
What is a juggalo?
Well he aint a phoney.
Hell walk up and bust a nut in your macaroni.
And watch you sit there and finish up the last bit,
Cuz youre a stupid-ass dumb fuckin idiot.
What is a juggalo?
Hes a graduate.
He graduated from......well,
At least hes got a job, hes not a dumb putz,
He works for himself scratchin his nuts, ha!
What is a juggalo?
A hulkamaniac.
He powerbombs mutha fuckas into thumbtacks. (bwa!)
People like him till they find out hes unstable.
He sabued ya mama through a coffee table. (oh my god!)
(chorus)
(vocal breakdown)
(chorus)
(chorus)
(vocal breakdown)
What is a juggalo?

I guess I'm more of a juggalette. What's a juggalette you ask? Look here.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

A weave in his nut hair? Do they have a booth for that at the festival?

Here's a link to Vice's great article on ICP:

http://www.viceland.com/int/v14n10/htdocs/land_of_juggalos.php


DKK

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I just watched the whole video again. It's mesmerizing.

-biz

Patrone said...

JIMMY "JJ" WALKER

beckler said...

crazy helicopter rides!

Anonymous said...

Lotus!

gbomb

Anonymous said...

and of course:
Dudes on Stilts.

-natalie.

beckler said...

after careful thought I concluded that the only thing missing is a tatooing/piercing booth. there must be one.

beckler said...

i just read this in vice:

For a city that destroyed its oceanic view by building a Nazi super-prison of rock and iron right in the middle of its panorama, San Francisco's a pretty OK town. It's always a hotbed of some kind of counterculture, a place that comes with a thousand recommendations, and a seemingly endless stream of great bands. At the moment there's Thee Oh Sees, Sic Alps, Nodzzz, Grass Widow, and Mayyors. And now there's this band of playful horse fetishists, the Fresh & Onlys. So what if their photo's completely stupid?

Count Mockula said...

1. I didn't know there were other clown-makeup bands.

2. Vanilla Ice?

3. "Sugar Slam" the pigtailed cheerleader doesn't strike me as a juggalette.

4. YouTube was trying to sell me chocolate soybean snacks throughout that video.

Anonymous said...

Why are you guys so down about this festival? I would beg to differ that his is a so-called "white trash" festival, because every time I have gone there, I always run into physicians, college professors, geneticists, corporate execs, and clergy members. One time when I was there, I ran into a nobel prize winning poet laureate. She told me that she was there to hear some "dope rhymes" and perhaps get inspired for her next poetry book. Don't be fooled, Sugar Slam is a librarian.

The Armeniac said...

What? Everybody seems pretty stoked about it. It's an amazingly entertaining thing that happens, and an amazing informercial to pith it.

Anonymous said...

I just want to say that, I think it's wonderful that you are going all the way out to the Midwest to study the social and mating habits of young developmentally disabled adults! Good luck with your research.

olivia and trisha said...

clergymen? that's interesting. Please you tube icp on Bill O'rielly for a real good time.

Then you tube Maryilyn Manson on Bill O'rielly. Now there is a rebel with reason.

Unknown said...

dammin its gone from the internets. This thing must be saved!

Anyone find a link of it?