Friday, August 21, 2009

funny fake review

This may not amuse many of you as much as it amuses me, but I've been revisiting Aioli's reviews on yelp.com. The deal is that there are a ton of unfavorable ones, mostly for bad service. Such things as peremptorily telling a table that they have to move because another party needs the table. Or telling a new customer what to order and then telling them they didn't order enough food. So the owner started posting lost of fake reviews, which were usually pretty funny. He was also doing this on midtowngrid.com. Here's one of the ones he wrote:

For years I have walked by this place and watched as the activities of the day unfold, chefs bringing in fresh foods on a daily basis, European-style waiters setting up chairs and tables outside the restaurant, and lovers lounging with wine and pretty deserts on the secret patio in the back. Having oddly falling in love with a restaurant that sits in the heart of the activity in downtown Sacramento, but having never eaten there before, I mustered enough courage to approach the restaurant for a first date... but first I had to learn a little more about my new found love. I found their website at www.aiolibodega dot info, and planned out the perfect date with myself. I decided on three seafood "tapas", appetizers from Spain, namely the Berberechos con Azafran (clams in saffron broth), Anchoada de Lentejas con Scallops (scallops pan sauteéd in a garlic beluga lentil anchovie sauce in a garlic), and Pulpo a la Galega (steamed octopus in adobo sauce with potato pureé). I also found a promotion for a complimentary glass of Champaign, which was nice. I timidly approached Aioli's and opened the door to her warm artistic embrace, which much resembles a museum of contemporary art, with impressive brass work, art, and murals. After a complimentary glass of Champaign, my server, Jiji, recommended a savory white wine from Spain to accompany the tapas. It was exquisite with the food, a true marriage. Afraid that I might lose control of myself and take advantage of her, I left Aioli's sweet embrace, promising to call on her again soon, but not too soon, as Jason let me know that she has a twin sister in Davis. I dare not venture there, because there can only be one true love.


15 comments:

Anonymous said...

aioli bone-dega <=======3.

that review is nauseating.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, that is the fakest thing I have ever read. European style waiters? what does that even mean?
Its like he wants to fuck the place. or by the last paragraph date rape it, must have been the savory white wine.

Only of the only times I went there the owner shmoozed with everyone but us, which I was happy about but is always a bit weird. Guess we werent warm and contemporary enough.

-Natalie.

beckler said...

another fake review mentions the "european style waiters" who don't "suffer fools"

i know, the fake review is even oddly sexist.

The Armeniac said...

I remeber reading these a few years back, still fucking hillarious! What a fool he is!
"I timidly approached Aioli's and opened the door to her warm artistic embrace."
Caroline's been reading historical romance novels lately and this dude writes just like that. Especially the vaguely rapey aspect, so wierd.

Anonymous said...

"vaguely rapey aspect"

Nice phrase.

John L

caroline said...

I think I am being mis-represented. For example, yesterday The Armeniac read a romance novel. Not me.

beckler said...

At first I read that as "Caroline has been WRITING a historical romance novel". Which would rule.

The Armeniac said...

While I did read a bit of Caroline's historic Romance novel, I'd hardly say I'm misrepresenting her, I like to read her historical Romance novels because it's her absolutely most favoritest type of literature and helps me gain a deeper understanding of the woman I love.

PS: It would toatally rule if she started writing romance novels. scene 1:

"Hello, m' Lady. Wanteth thee to maketh out?"

"Oh no, you brute! I must watceth Top Chef!"


.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused. He goes on and on about this Aioli place and then ends with how the True Love Coffeehouse won't let him go to Davis. And when did Kev and Al get a liquor license? Who is this transsexual Jason? Meh.

jason said...

yeah these are cheesy, but I gotta defend aioli's - they keep it real - the waiters are bossy, but they have opinions about what is good - and if I am going to spend scrilla for a meal out, I much prefer this joint to all the other mid-town "fine dining" establishments with flat screens and vallet parking for the bridges and tunnels suburbans - I know I'm missing the point of making fun of someone who posts fake reviews of their own restaurant, but they deserve some credit for what they are (and are not)

Mahir said...

You are wrong all. I am the writer of food home reviewed. I write to edit by my good frend Borat helps. I had invitate to Jiji to stay at my home in Turkey, but she was objectified.

I KISS YOU!

Liv Moe said...

i'm so confused.

beckler said...

I agree that Aioli is old school Sac in a good kind of way. I like their tapas and salads. Here's why I stopped going: they have this one server who I can't stand, and EVERY TIME I would try to order wine off the list and they would be out of it and she would recommend something totally different than what I ordered with this little sneer that I just wanted to wipe off her face. I guess that's kind of minor, but I hated it. Also, they once were out of the port I ordered and just poured a different one without telling me. That is lame. And the really imperious waiter has been condescending in a sexist way and gave DKK a very inappropriate noogie. I really don't think I should have to contend with sexism when I'm out to have a meal. So those things add up pretty quickly to something I don't really need in my life.

Liv Moe said...

i forgot about the noogie!

Anonymous said...

Holy shit! I forgot about that too, hahahahaa! I can't remember what I or any of us did to instigate the noogie.

It's unfortunate that the owner has gotten so silly with these fake reviews. My first impulse is to list my own grievances with the place, but really it is a pretty good spot and their wine list is great... when you get what you asked for, that is.

DKK