Mikuni=diarrhea

Mikuni gave me vicious diarrhea. Too much information? I'll spare you the details, but I think telling you-all is a public service cuz this place sucks. This is the second time I've been to this particular location. The other time was on a weeknight (I believe that that review is somewhere in these blog archives). I remember I hated all the shouting from the sushi dudes and the general ambiance, but I thought the food was good. This time I went on a friday night at peak dinner time. There were people packed against the windows and spilling out into the street. I was with a large party (this was a work dinner), so we were ushered to a corner booth that had its own flat-screen tv. Maybe someday each individual diner will have their own flatscreen tv. What if you developed a flat screen tv that you could eat off of! That would be perfect. At least the high walls of the booth cut out some of the din. I ordered some new-style roll that has deep fried shrimp, grilled eel, and spicy tuna. It is very difficult to find any roll at Mikuni that does not contain deep-fried shrimp. I would have been happy with something that just had eel and avo but they all have like five things. I guess I should have custom ordered. Then I ordered my old standby that I always order at Nishiki. The zig-zag hand roll. This is one of the recipes that the Nishiki guy stole from Mikunis. At Nishiki, the quality would vary according to the chef, but it was always pretty fucking good, if not completely delicious. (when I got the right chef). It's a blend of fried soft shell crab, avo, a little bit of the mayo stuff, and green onion in a soy wrap. The price at Mikuni was more than I'm used to at Nishiki (6.25!), but I ordered it anyway because I thought I could count on it to be good. Wrong wrong wrong.

The food arrived. What is the most important component of sushi? Most people would argue that it's the rice. It's the base flavor, it's something every piece of sushi contains. The rice in every piece I tried was horrid. Mushy and warm. Warm! All the sushi was warm. The zig zag roll looked like diarrhea (a portent of things to come) it was a runny brown, rather than the usual green color (from the avo) with flecks of darker green from the onion. I used copious amounts a sake to wash the mess down and ended up quite drunk and rambling to a busser (whom I knew) about how nasty the food was. He said, "why, because it's all covered with mustard, mayonaisse, and cream cheese?". My lab adjourned to the Flame, and over drinks, everyone agreed that the food was subpar. Within a couple of hours, there was a rumbling in my belly. For the next 24 hours, my intestines served merely as a brief conduit for the food that was rushing through at top speed.

Due to my hypochondria and fear of the big C, I consider myself practically a medical doctor, so the next day I assessed my symptoms and prescribed a Nationwide hamburger. It was fucking delicious, as always. While it didn't make me feel any better, it did lift my spirits. While there I overheard one of the cooks rhapsodizing about the double burger, and it was nice that he can still get so excited about the food there because he's worked there for years. The last two times I was there they were playing Wings greatest hits, and ELOs greatest hits, respectively, which just adds to the splendor of this little place.